“Chose? I can’t run! There’s nowhere for me to go. The Order will hunt me.”
“No, youchoseto believe that. Even now! You could break the curse and free yourself of them forever. Then you could disappear and start again, but this time quietly and not by making yourself a notorious, black-market book dealer.” He huffs a cruel laugh. “Your magician would be glad to go with you. He probably already has a whole tunnel of escape routes prepared for this moment. But no. You cling to this vengeance instead of saving yourself.”
My voice pitches high, rage and panic taking over. “Don’t belittle what I’ve done! Don’t you dare,” I scream. “They deserve to suffer!”
“No, yourfatherdeserves to suffer. Alasdair was an idiot who loved to have fun and run wild. What did he ever do to you other than be a pawn?”
My eyes glow. “A pawn is still a part of the game. A queen will crush it to get to the king.”
Valen scans me slowly, his face shifting in a careful, cold mask. Slowly, he strolls across the kitchen and my pulse kicks up. I swallow and my head tilts back to maintain eye contact. His voice is a dangerous drawl, and it shivers over my skin. “And what am I?”
Heat blooms within me. My eyes dart from his eyes to his lips and back.
He growls, “Tell me, do you know why my father betrayed you last night?”
I shift. “Because he’s an asshole?”
“Because he tested you that night he returned. He wished to see how deep your madness for vengeance goes. It convinced him that you’d rather kill me than reverse the hell you’ve unleashed on the Order.”
I gasp, my eyes widening. “N?—”
“No?” His head tilts. “You didn’t hesitate when you learned I was to take over as Heir?” His gaze burns. “Didn’t break a glass in rage at the thought?”
My body goes numb. “That—What—N—” But I can’t form the words. Valen is staring down at me with those icy blue eyes that begin to glow. His aura fills the room and a trembling begins in my arms.
I don’t want to talk about this. I don’t want to face it. My eyes dart to the doorway, but there’s no way I can escape. I look back at him. My chest pumps with each sharp breath and my face tingles.
Valen’s soft voice shivers over me. “Were you going to kill me, Astoria?” The backs of his fingers slide down my cheek. “Were you going to feed me to your bloated curse? Let me turn into Alasdair?” Those fingers trail down past my jaw to stroke my pounding pulse. “Last I saw, he was a rotted nightmare whohad nearly no awareness left.” His hand circles my throat and he lowers his lips to mine. His words whisper over me. “Were you going to let me become that?”
The trembling has spread to the rest of me and burning tears sear my cheeks. My eyes close tightly, but all I can see is Valen, pale white with black eyes. Rotten breath washes over my face and he whimpers, “I’ve missed you…”
I gasp and shove Valen back. Reality returns, but the sick sensation remains. I stumble away from him and wrap my arms around my middle. My voice wavers. “I don’t know what to do, Valen.”
Arms slide around me, hands lacing with mine. He waits and I shiver in his embrace. “I hate him. I fucking hate him. He deserves to suffer. Theyalldeserve to suffer.” My face turns towards Valen and a sob nearly robs me of words. “But I don’t think I could do that to you.”
His arms tighten.
“How do I make them suffer, but get my life back?” My bookshop calls me like a siren. It’s so close yet so far. “How do I get all the things I want? You and Lucas. My bookshop and my revenge. Why do I have to choose?”
His head leans against mine. “I don’t think you have an option with the curse. You’re too damaged.” He’s rocking me and it feels so good, I melt into it. “You either finish the curse and pay the soul price, killing yourself in the process, or you release the curse and truly shed yourself of the Order. As for your threads, I know you’re clever enough to find a new way to balance them. But to do neither will only send more and more weavers for you. Our fathers won’t stop until they get you. I don’t know if I’ll be able to protect you then.”
I shake my head. “Fuck, why is it such a mess? Why isn’t there a fourth option? I just want it all to go away!”
His lips brush against my hair. “You can’t move forward if you’re still half in the past.”
“I can’t forgive my father.”
He shrugs. “Then don’t. You don’t have to forgive anyone, but you can choose to not let it ruin your future.” He kisses me softly and a shiver of pleasure has me leaning into him. “Don’t let the past hold you back, Astoria. You’re more than a toxic obsession.”
I shiver and the great weight I’ve always felt buckles my knees. I lean heavily into Valen, turning as much as I can into his warm hold. His strength keeps me upright, his deep affection humming in my chest. Finally, the tears dry and I whisper, “I don’t want my father to have control of me anymore.” My hands tighten on his. “I’m so tired, Valen. I want to go home.”
He nods.
Pain reverberates in my chest, but I force the words out. “I’ve lost control of my threads and corruption. If I don’t stop, I’ll die.” A tear slides down my face. “And you’re right. They don’t get to destroy me.”
I turn in his hold. My hands smooth over his face. “I’ll lift the curse. It’ll be difficult since I can’t simply destroy my grimoire without killing myself, but I’ll find a way to unweave it from my soul and magic. Hopefully, I’ll be able to use it one last time to drain my Entropy until my threads are back in balance. Then I’ll have some time to find a new solution to balance them without using the corruption to render my soul.”
His soft smile flutters my heart. “We’ll get it. Together.”
