Lucas’ hands rest on my wrists and it’s so tender that I find the strength to whisper, “I need time. I’m scared, Lucas. I’ve only loved one other person and the fallout left me broken. Please. Give me time to heal and find the courage to say it. You won’t have to make me, okay?” My gaze dips back to his lips. “It won’t go back to how it was. I swear. Just don’t go.”
The smile that lights Lucas warms me. I should feel deep shame that even these crumbs are enough for him, but I’m so grateful that he’s staying. I smile weakly at him, but it slips away when I catch the dark aura radiating from Valen. Lucas was right in his assessment of Valen’s intentions, and my miscalculation will cost me greatly. “I need to talk to Valen in private.”
Lucas presses a kiss to my palm, his breath warming it. “Okay.”
My heart flutters and it’s agony to unlock my ankles. Lucas steps away. “I’ll dip down into Nora’s shop. I was going to tell you, the streets are crawling with the Guild and bounty hunters. There are permitted weavers searching, too. I barely made it half a block.”
I nod. It’s a problem for later. My eyes are locked with Valen’s, preparing to intervene if the weaver snaps. “Okay. Thank you.”
Lucas steps away. He goes to slip by Valen, but the two men lock glares. Valen’s eyes narrow, his lip curling, and Lucas smirks. He murmurs something too low for me to hear and violence ripples across Valen’s face. I suddenly doubt everything I thought I saw budding between the two men and that scares me worse than Lucas leaving. I must fix this.
Lucas slips out and trots to the door leading to Nora’s shop. The slam echoes in the empty apartment.
My eyes narrow, my voice dangerously low. “Don’t ever do that again.”
Valen must be in a particularly vicious mood. He smirks, eyes glowing. “And what is it that I did?”
“Next time you see someone watching us, you tell me. You don’t get to hurt him because you’re jealous.” My fists clench. “He’s not like us. He’s soft and kind.”
“Bold to assume that I’d use you in such a way.” Valen shoves off the wall and saunters into the kitchen. “For the record, since you think so little of my honor, I didn’t realize he was watching until after, or I would’ve informed you we had an audience.”
He opens a cabinet for a glass and fills it with water. I watch him cautiously, eyeing the way his throat moves, and measure how relaxed his hands are. He sets the glass down with a click. The silence that follows is unbearable. I pick at my borrowed nightgown. “You’re not going to deny being jealous?”
He huffs and turns around to lean against the counter. “There’s no use denying it.”
Frustration flares in my chest. “Why? As you soeloquentlyput it, it’s your cum on my thighs.”
A muscle in his jaw flickers and he looks away. “That was crass of me, and I do apologize. I let my emotions get the better of me.”
He’s evading and I’m not going to permit him to get away with it. “Why?”
He sighs harshly, some of his edge dulling. “I told you that I still love you, and you didn’t say it back.”
“That’s it?” I fiddle with the nightgown. “I didn’t say it back to him either.”
“Yes, but you don’t have to. It’s clear to any half-idiot that you do.”
My mouth forms a small ‘o’ when it clicks. “You’re insecure about my feelings for you.”
His shoulders tense.
“Valen, you’re special to me.”
“Was.” His gaze sharpens. “Wasspecial to you. Back then, I never would’ve doubted your intentions. Never doubted the depth of your feelings. We breathed each other. One soul, two bodies. And here I am, hearing similar sentiments being expressed by another, and it’s like a blade into my already-shredded heart.” His voice strains. “You leftme, Tori. You didn’t come back. I know you wanted me to chase you, but I was on the other side waiting every night for you to reappear.”
My breath catches. “You betrayed?—”
“I was blindsided too, Astoria! I trusted my father to have some deeper plan in action. I didn’t find out what he intended until it was too late.” His teeth bare. “Maybe if you stopped being so mad at my father for a second, you’d see you’re punishing me for his sins, just like you punished Alasdair.”
It’s like he slapped me in the face. I stumble back into the table, the rattling of the rocking table legs mixing with the drumming of my racing heart. My entire being recoils from his words as a roiling build of emotions crests within my heart. He’scaused a realization to spark that I don’t want to comprehend. It attempts to break through, but I refuse to let it surface. With all my strength, I viciously throw it away and lash back at Valen to ease my discomfort. “And yet he betrayed me again!”
“And I was prepared this time.” His head tilts. “Do you think I didn’t know of the trap at the estate? I tried to convince him out of it and when that failed, I stationed myself by your magician. I held the Archweaver back so you two could escape. I had the chalk ready to get us out of the forest.”
“All so I’d, what? Feel like forgiving you?” I scoff and grasp at loose threads of theories to bury his painful words. “It’s always an exchange and never a selfless desire to help me.”
“For fuck’s sake, Astoria, I tried to get you to RUN!”
I flinch, hand clutching the edge of the table. Valen heaves a few heavy breaths before he combs his loose hair back. His voice is quieter, softer after his yell. “I told you before. I hoped you’d see my message and go, but you didn’t. You chose to stay.”
