I lean into his chest, my arms tight around him. “Then I’ll finally be free of it. All of it. And I’ll never go back to the Order again.”
He stills. “Never?”
The silence that rings between us is heavy. Something unsaid haunts the space. Something that neither of us wish to speak of.
I whisper, “You’re such a talented healer. There’s so much you could do in the city. So much opportunity.” My arms tighten around him. “You don’t have to go back.”
He doesn’t respond and my heart clenches painfully. He holds me tightly and presses his face into my neck. I breathe in his scent, taking large gulping breaths like I can hold him within me forever. “Consider it. Please.” For us.
The only response I receive is a wordless nod.
CHAPTER 25
That night, I drift in and out of deep sleep, unable to find true rest, even though I’m snug and warm, sandwiched between Valen and Lucas’ gloriously naked bodies again. I’m sure Nora has something on hand to help me sleep, but that would mean disentangling myself and I’d rather suffer from insomnia.
Tomorrow, we’ll attempt to reach the bookshop. Although my magic is still profoundly drained, it’s a risk we must take. Time is running out.
A chill that is more than my Entropy Flame tries to steal what little warmth I have left and I push the thoughts of tomorrow away. I breathe slowly and deeply, memorizing the scents of both men and the feel of their bodies against mine. It’ll be hard to go back to sleeping alone after this.
Valen’s low rumble is soft in the darkness. “I don’t hate you.”
My brows furrow, my eyes still closed. Lucas’ murmured reply shifts the hair on the back of my neck. “You sure about that?”
I don’t dare move, far too curious about where Valen is going with this.
Valen huffs, his face still buried in my chest. “Despite how it appeared, I did not stage our earlier tryst for your suffering. It was… unfortunate timing.”
Lucas pauses. “I know.”
Silence stretches and I nearly peek to see if they’ve fallen asleep. Disappointment tugs my lips down in a frown. I was sure Valen had more planned than that. My chest expands with a sigh, but the air catches when Valen whispers gently, “I think…”
I don’t dare exhale. Lucas’ arm shifts under my head as his thumb picks at his rings impatiently. Valen’s shoulders are tense, his arms tight around me as he struggles to continue.
Valen’s hand, trapped between my back and Lucas’ front, shifts. His fingers flex along my spine and trail down Lucas’ sternum in a slow caress. “I think I hate you less than I realize.” And my skin ripples in pleasurable tingles.
There is no way in hell I’m interrupting them, not when Lucas seems to be considering Valen’s words. I keep my eyes glued shut and focus on breathing evenly. Excitement lights when Lucas responds playfully, “Is this your version of a love confession?”
Valen bristles, but he smiles against my chest. “I’m not sure when your smart-ass mouth stopped being annoying?—”
“Oh yes, I can feel the sincerity and tenderness?—”
“Shut up and let me finish.” He huffs. “Can’t believe I’m doing this.”
Lucas laughs and there’s a touch of an edge to it. “Definitely have had better confessions than this. If it’s such a hardship, then why are you doing it?”
“Because Astoria wants both of us.”
Lucas scoffs, shifting against my back. “If that’s all, then stop now. I’m not interested in hearing the rest.”
“No, that’s not all.” Valen sighs harshly and pulls from my chest. I peek at him. The midnight moon shines through thesmall window and grants me just enough light to make out the curve of Valen’s body. He props himself on his arm, looking down at Lucas over my shoulder. “I find myself wanting you, too.”
Lucas stops breathing and I join him. We wait for Valen to continue. He slides his hand from my back to rest on my hip, mere inches from Lucas’. He contemplates the position before continuing, “I heard your assumptions earlier, about me and sharing. It’s not something I’ve done with Tori outside the occasional visitor and I’ve contemplated it all day.”
Valen’s blue eyes lightly glow in the darkness, his hand tightening slightly on me. “And I realized that before I potentially make an absolute ass out of myself, I need to know if your feelings towards me have changed as well. If they haven’t, then there is no way in hell that I’d share her, and I’d do everything in my power to tear the two of you apart. But if they have… then maybe…” Valen trails off, his hand clammy and my heart pounds.
Lucas is silent for so long that I almost roll over to steal a look at him. But I don’t dare in case this very important conversation gets derailed into bickering.
Lucas’ voice is so quiet I almost miss it over my own breathing. “My feelings aren’t as… simple as they used to be, if that’s what you’re wondering.”
