“It’s fine Shame.” She has the saddest smile when she tells me it’s fine and I want nothing more than to take her sadness and carry it all for her.
“Cass we really need a few minutes with Shame.” Cal said and walked over to kiss her on the cheek.
Fool.
Cassa wasn’t going anywhere. I could see it on her face.
“Me first Cal.” Was all she said before she opened the door and stared them all down. Chad looked at me and I could see and feel his frustration but it was too damn bad and too damn late. Bridge was burnt and turned to ash. For the first time in my life, I had no faith in the music we made. It was all tarnished.
“We talk next.” Noah said not bothering to look at me as he followed Cal and Chad out the door, stopping at Sassy and whispering something that made her smile a softer smile than the one she gave me. He kissed her cheek and looked at me one last time. Whatever he was so damn mad about, had a lot to do with something I did. Considering I had no clue what I could have done I figured I would poke the angry dog and egg him on.
“If you got something to say Noah bark it out and be on your way.”
His back had been to me, but he turned at the pissed off tone I spoke to him with. He made his way to me in three strides. He didn’t walk fast or come at me with threat and intent. It was more than that, he stepped up to me with knowledge of something I would never understand. It deflated my anger the minute I realized why Noah had protected her.
I was the fool.
Fuck!
“Try to remember that no matter how many times he kicked her, pushed her, slapped her. No matter the words he used to break her, he never robbed her of the woman she is and has always been. Remember that while she was laying there dying, she didn’t cry and she didn’t beg…” Helooked over his shoulder at Cassa. “Strong as fuck.” He said to her not me and turned to leave, kissing the crown of her head and slipping out of the room like he had never been there.
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
Nickleback
Chapter Ten
I watched her close the door behind Noah and lock it, the pulling the cord to the blinds between production and recording. We were all alone. The recording light was off as well. I could see the fight in the back of her eyes, she wanted me to stay, I could feel it. I could also feel the fear… she was scared to death of confrontation. I didn’t care; I was not going to lose her again. “We cant be together again Shamus, I know that. I’m here because I know your hurting and feeling betrayed and I am the reason for it all. I begged and pleaded with everyone we knew to keep my life a secret. Chad and Noah tried to get the news crews to not run the stories, but they did anyway and so they did what they could to keep you from watching the news.” She tapped her palm against her chest, “me Shame. I am to blame for all of this. I manipulated everyone, I used guilt to keep them quiet. The guys fought me so hard every time you were in town. I needed you to have your dream. You ripped me into shreds and left me empty and aching for that dream. I did everything I could to keep it from touching you because I believed that you leaving me in such despair had to be worth something.”
"I don’t believe you."
Cass let her head fall back and laughed. "Look at me Shamus, I am a joke. I don’t remember who I was."
I walked to her then fast because I only had this one chance. "I do. Your'e my Sassy. I will help you remember Sass."
"I can’t Shamus, please don’t make this harder than it needs to be."
"How can you ask me to walk away Sass? I have lived through that hell and I can’t do it again. I can’t sleep. I can’t think. Every song I write is a song for you. I went insane when I heard you married him, when you gave me up." I saw her defenses weaken and I knew I had her. I cupped her face in my hands. My voice was cracking when I spoke again. "Had I known that last night would have been the last time I would see you, I would have memorized every feature." I wiped my eyes as the pain rushed through my chest. Trying to get control I had to keep control here. I took a deep breath but the fear of losing her was to strong, my voice hitched again. "Or that the last time I held you...” Tears rolled from my eyes without my consent. “Oh God I wouldn’t have let you go. I would have stayed in that bed and made love to you and traded all my fortune, all my success, to have you. I forgot what your touch was like." I reached for her hand and placed her palm against my cheek. "I forgot your kiss and the sounds you made when I make you come. I can’t lose you again." I stood before her, I had bared my soul to her and she still looked shut down. This was going to kill me but she had to want it, had to feel it. I would never force her see my side. My side meant nothing when the fear was so deeply rooted inside of her. I may know she was capable of fighting back but sheto know it.
"I'm gonna go." I said and turned my back to her ashamed of the tears in my eyes. My voice cracked ever so slightly as I kissed her cheek and said goodbye. I grabbed my jacket from the hook by the door, and padded my pockets looking for the absent keys. All of my movements were robotic. I had lost the will to fight for her if she wouldn't fight for her either.
"Shamus No!" she cried.
