Chad, Cal and Noah charged outside earlier when I had tried to leave but were now circling Mike and everything in me snapped. I looked at Chad, stood toe to toe and stared him down. My breathing was rapid and my rage was an entity of it's own. “I'm done. I'll finish the album but start looking for my replacement. I quit!”
“What?” This was Cal and he was TAT obsessed and my quitting most likely just shattered his world. He knew how I felt now.
Roni stepped in then.“Both of you stop and catch me up.” She looked at me. “You’re still in love with Cassa?”
“I see Mike is better at secrets than I gave him credit for, he kept you in the dark too.”
“It is not my place Shame. She made me swear because she knew I still talked to you. She’s my baby sister and after everything over the last fourteen years I swore to myself she would always come first.”
“Shut up Mike.” Roni said before looking at me disregarding Mike’s offended reaction. “3001 125thAvenue Southeast #1D.” Roni said but I had what I needed and was in theDurrangoand pulling out when she yelled to me, “Bellevue, Shame.” I nodded in thanks. She must have moved to Bellevue with that douche bag and she was leaving Bellevue tonight. Cassa was Gig Harbor and she was coming home with me tonight.
I know you have a little life in you yet,
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I should be fighting but I just cant let it go.
I should be hoping but I cant stop thinking.
Chapter Seven
Cassa
“Come here you little bitch!” He snarled and I knew, fuck I knew it was going to hurt. I made my way to Cory who was standing in our kitchen. I knew what he was mad about and I was careless. I had stopped at the corner market on my way home today and was craving a beer so damn bad. Cory was due in court all day and I didn't think, I just bought it. A single bottle and I was about to take a trip through hell for it.
“Explain.” He demanded, his fist was tight in my hair and he pulled me by the already tender scalp toward the dome shaped can of garbage by the door. He slapped the lid and it went crashing to the floor. The first thing I saw was the fucking bottle. I thought I had buried it in the can deep enough, I hadn't though.
“I wanted a beer.” I said, no tone to my voice. I wouldn't beg and plead even though I knew it was what he was trying to “teach me”.
“You did?” He asked me with a voice thick with sarcasm, and then I realized what he was most angry about. It was such a stupid and minuscule thing, not that I would tell him that. In the process of opening my beer, I had spilled a little on the counter. I hadn't had time to go to the grocery store and buy paper towels. I used a hand towel from the rack in the kitchen and tossed it along with the bottle. I tossed it because I couldn't let the scent of beer sit in the laundry room or he'd have found out. I don't have excess laundry around the house, per his rules. It is done daily and I had done the load for the day. “What the fuck is a fifty dollar kitchen hand towel doing in the fucking garbage?”
I was a masochist, that or crazy because I had started making fun of him when he went on these rants. I don't know if it worked, but I swore, the funnier I made it all seem, the less his punches and kicks hurt. My mistake tonight however was the chrome can showed him my face and the fact I was smirking.
“Is it funny Cassa?” He asked and lifted me by my hair until I was standing. He then kicked the can and let it fall over. Coffee grounds, banana peels and other pieces of nasty nothingnesscame spilling out onto my crystal clean floor. Then he pushed me down to my knees and used his fist in my hair as his guide. I was on my knees in a pile of garbage only seconds before my face was buried in the filth. “You fucking pig!” He roared and pressed my face deeper, coffee grounds burning my eyes and the glass from the bottle of beer having shattered on the tile, was now digging into my knees.
“I pay for this house, your clothes, the food you eat and the towels you throw away. I paid for that fucking bottle of beer you dumb fucking bitch!” And then he started hitting me and I chose to black out than to remember what he does to me.
It feels like hours have passed since he spilled the can and its probably only been minutes. I assume he is done but I make no move to stand.“In all this mess dear wife, I noticed you hadn't cooked tonight. I am going out for a bite, this is your dinner.” He indicates the mess of garbage and blood on the floor. “Be sure to clean your fucking plate.”
A notification on my phone pulls me from the memory. I can say now, that moment was the absolute worst moment of my life. I remember how the food felt as he forced it against my lips, I remember gagging and crying all while he watched. It was the only time he ever won.. He won that night. I cried, I begged and it did me no good so of course I never did it again. I wasn't allowed to shower that night and because of my “stench” I was to sleep on the kitchen floor like the pig he said I was.
I felt tears in my eyes at remembering and I wanted to scream. Refusing to cry I went to my phone to see who was texting or if it was an email, when the door-bell rang. I went to let Mike and Roni in knowing I was set to be lectured. The irritating beat on my door told me Mike was agitated.
It wasn't Mike. It was Shame.
“How did you get here?” I asked, stepping back to let him in.
Shamus stepped inside and pulled the beanie from his head and ran his hands over his head.“I stole your brother’s car.”
“How did you know where I live?” I snapped. I was so going to kill Mike.
“Roni told me.” He said before flashing a mischievous smile that made my heart go pitter fucking pat. I was going to kill Roni too… after she had the baby of course.
“If you came to start in on me again with your new and improved rock star swagger, then you had the wrong idea. I have some serious work I need to catch up on and I need to get over to Mike and Roni’s for dinn-“
“Stop lying to me Sass.” He said cutting me off abruptly. My heart was racing immediately and now, now I was really going to kill my brother, and anyone else with a big mouth. “I know why you want to talk to Mike, and I know why you look scared to death right now.” He stepped in front of me aware I was about to bolt, watching as the color drained from my face.
“Son of a bitch I will kill him!” I screamed and pulled my phone from the back pocket of my jeans. “What did he tell you?” I demanded, my voice shaking almost as bad as my fingers as I tried to unlock my phone with no success. I know my secrets have been hard on everyone, but I always thought and believed they understood how hard it was for me. I never thought any of them would betray me, least of all Mike and Ron. I felt sick from it. Tears welling in my eyes, I tried to dial Roni’s cell but Shamus took the phone from my hands and pulled me into his arms.
