You're sleeping, you're sleeping
NF~Wake Up
Chapter Twenty
Noah
"Hey babe, thanks for coming to get me." I say as I hug her close, so fucking happy to be in her presence.
"How you holding up?" Jen asks me and tried to take my carryon bag, like I'd fuckin let her.
I just shake my head and make my way to the baggage pick up. "I'm good Jen, I just wanna let it all go now. I'm done with trying to prove who I am when everyone knows and refuses to see."
I had spent the night in the airport waiting on my flight in the VIP lounge and my hood of my jacket hiding me away. I wanted to be lost in the world right now. I let Jen know before I landed that I would need a ride from her or Sul.
I couldn’t talk about what it felt like knowing that you were in love with someone who didn't believe or trust in you. That everyone I love, feels the same fear Bright does.
I thought about how I shattered it all.
I also thought of all the shit I ate to prove I was never going there again.
Didn't matter and I was fueled with anger for it. Right now I had to suck up dinner with the fam and being thankful. Hard to do right now, but I will because I refuse,refuseto hurt them anymore.
My blessing are easy to count, they are all people. My misfit family. My fans. The inmate and his woman aren't far from my blessing either. Dude looked offended for me and I hoped Cody was feeling that wrath right now.
Harsh?
Eat my ass if you think so. You go right on ahead and live my life and tell me you can't hate. Hate is hate, pure, true and festering for fucking close to thirty years. I am justified and piss and moan about it to someone who will listen if you don't agree.
"Well, I am proud of you Noah. You faced him. Sober. You left Carrie and stayed sober. You fought Bright and stayed sober. I knew you would, but you had to know you would."
I nod and laugh when she hops on the cart I am pushing at baggage claim. "I missed you Jen."
A guy looks to her as I say it and rolls his eyes, offended by her production. "Asshole, look all you want I need to make a boy smile."
I laugh again and look to the suit she offended with the same who gives a fuck stare, probably scared him though. Hard to take my stare when you know me, different when you see my darkness and mix it with tats and piercings.
We load the cart, not saying much. Jen is one that lets me think and not talk it through, knows I will when I'm ready. It's what pisses me off the most I think. Jen treats me how everyone used to. She wasn't hurt by my addiction though, and it's what reminds me to suck it up.
We load my gear into the car, my guitars loaded last and in the backseat. I don't travel any flight with my gear not with me and though the bus will be in Chicago after the break, my shit will be tight and with me.
"Take me to Carries." I say and she nods making sure to head to Gig. She looks a little confused, but doesn’t ask me why. There's obvious reasons, and one that isn't. One that tells me I need to be there, in my sisters presence to get through this. To do what I should have done when Candey died.
"I have my GTO there and want to see Noelle and give her my loot I've stock piled for her. I got for Axe too, but know he's with Cal and T."
She laughs. "You spoil them."
"I have too, it's the mark of uncledom."
"Uncledom? Really?"
I stick my tongue out and laugh. "Well yeah, see I am not about to have kids. Like ever. I gotta spoil and give only good to the ones I love."
"You really don't think you'll ever?" She asks me a question I pondered only once in my life.
"I did, when Noelle was born. Candey and me chatted it up one night. She had said she was cool either way and I said no." I look at her, kind of shocked it doesn’t hurt to tell the story like it would have a few short months ago. "I figured, I did my parenting with Carrie and got her hitched and happy and all that. I won't risk that sort of good luck again. I don't mind life on the road and I love the studio tatting. I can give that time up without a concern."
"Does Bright want kids?"
