I nod. "I know, but I also know that I want her for more than a night…" I look at her now and wait for her to pick up on what I am saying. "Like more than a night, feel me?"
She looks soft, and both happy and sad at my confession. "I feel you. You're here to say goodbye."
It isn't a question, but a truth. I nod again.
"I am proud of you bubba and this is okay. It is okay to heal and you can do it while still loving her and always keep her in your heart. Love again, the way she would want you to because that is truly honoring what you guys had."
"I don’t know if its love Carrie." I say feeling like the air has been sucked out of my lungs.
"That’s okay too, I only mean when it is love it is okay?"
She places her freezing cold hand on my cheek. "I am so cold it isn't funny and I feel like you need to take a minute with her." She turns my cheek until I am looking her in the eye. "I never got to tell you this so I will now. I'm sorry you lost her because I know how deeply you loved her. I'm sorry for being so angry over the last year and cutting Jenny down out of jealousy. I love you and I am so proud of you." She hugs me and I feel complete knowing that the storm and distance between us is gone.
I watch her walk to my car and sit behind the wheel starting it to get the heat going. I have no idea where her car is or if she Uber'ed her ass here. Either way I am glad she came.
I turn and almost instantly I am hit with the truth that this is goodbye.
