“Did it ever occur to you Tay, that you cannot save me? I am trying to save me. Me!” I slam my hand on the cupboard by the door and she steps back with a flinch. “You cannot save me by playing on corporate rules Tayla.” I look at them all, begging them to hear what I am saying. “You pick my sponsor, you watch me eat, sleep, hell you guys have her listening in when I fuck. I can't do anything without you guys staring me down waiting for me to lose it. Well congrats, I have lost it. Now I am going to get the fuck out of here for a few hours. I will piss in a cup when I am back, whatever.” I look down at the keys in my hand, and I know that at whatever cost I am not avoiding this any longer.
I can't sleep or eat, all I do is dread every minute of the day because I have yet to say goodbye for good. It is the monkey on my back, the poison in my veins. I need this and I wish she would back off and see that I am still me and would never do anything to hurt them with a vicious intent.
Tay grabbed my arm to stop me and I close my eyes, breathing deep through my nose trying to calm myself out.
“Let me go Tay, or watch me go.”
“Noah,-“ Bright stepped in, calm voice and sad fucking eyes and that was that.
“No, fuck… Just stop! I roar at them all. "I'm done!"
“Noah, I swear to God- " Tay was cut off by Cal.
“Babe, stop.! For a God damn minute stop!” She is looking at him, I am sure with some damn intense fury but his eyes are on me. "See you in a few hours bro.” With that he grabs Tay, who immediately puts a fight up, but God bless him he wasn’t letting her power trip happen tonight, and took her kicking and screaming over his shoulder and down the hall kicking the door shut behind him.
I used that as distraction enough to bail without further ado.
I hear the click clack of stilettos behind me and know she isn’t done fighting. Sponsor to the end I see. “Noah, please let me come.” She says to my back as I stand at the door to my GTO, unwilling to look at her.
“No. I don’t want an audience.”
“Noah- "
“Bright, God dammit…” I pause before I snap on her and shake my head no. “There isn't a shot in hell anyone is coming with me tonight."
"You came to me Noah. You wanted me to be your sponsor. You plead your case made sure I knew you were serious. You know the rules here and risk it for what? Your pride?"
"Go inside.” I get in, hear the engine roar like the beast it is and within seconds they are all lost to me for a few hours and I go to find my peace.
