Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
Disturbed~The sound of silence
Chapter Twelve
Noah
My heart is pounding as I roll through the gates of the cemetery. It is dark and drab, a true testament to Northern Washington. My windshield wipers are fast and furious clearing enough visibility for me to follow the long winding road before me.
I slow and pull to the left, parking along the curb and look out to the various unknown stones surrounding the only one I care about. I feel like I weigh a thousand pounds as I sit there, rain beating, pelting like thunder on the roof of the car.
I sit and stare, no clue what to say. I close my eyes and see her laughing, dancing in the seat beside me playing the most ridiculous music and singing it to me. I rub my eyes and shake my head trying to force memories back. I see her face, seconds before the blinding headlights ended it all. Her hand on my cheek, her lips on the only blank canvas I have. I scream, the sound echoing off nothing as the anguish fills the car. My tears fall and I am not ashamed.
This is what I need. I need to be mad. I want to scream at God for taking her, scream at her for letting him. I feel Tayla’s judgment, even miles away I know she is steaming. I feel the weight of Carries disappointment or Shames need to bear it all for me.
I am ready to crack under the pressure they inspire. Unwanted or not doesn’t matter, I feel it like the boulder it is, suffocating me.
I am startled like a little girl when Carrie starts banging on the window. I want to scream, but thankfully I didn’t entirely wuss out. I point to the passenger door for her to get the fuck in out of the rain, but she shakes her had no and points to me.
I grab my hoodie and slip it on before I step out. “I should have known you would end up tagging along.” I shake my head and stare her down. “Remember when you used to listen to me and stay the fuck away when I told you to?”
“Remember when I met Chad and decided that I was done being babied?” She retorts and I can’t help but chuckle, though I am not happy.
“What do you want Sissy?” I ask and I am exhausted. Obviously, I didn't notice a car following me for three hours.
“I want my brother back!” She snaps, her jaw is chattering and I know she is freezing. She is the dipshit that wanted us standing in the rain, and she wanted her brother back so here I am teaching her to think shit through better. She should have got in the fucking car, but per the usual she wanted to learn the hard way.
So be it.
“I am right here, have always been right here.” I stuff my hands in the front of my hoodie, smart enough to look cool as ever and un-effected by the cold. Chances were that she would have me spitting mad in a few seconds and the cold wouldn’t matter anyway.
“No, I don’t mean body Noah, I am talking soul.” She stuffs her hands in the pockets of her jeans and cops her hip to the side, trying to pretend she isn't freezing and we both know she is, but I love her for trying to be cool. “I knew you were going to be here, I knew. This is the realist thing you have done in almost six months. I wasn’t gonna miss it.”
“Oh you think this is a show? Wanna watch me suffer some more?”
“You think I enjoy this shit Noah? I just sit back and let you deal however you need to, but you break me apart every time because this shit show you been giving the last six months is old and lame. I know you, no matter how hard you fight it or pretend you can fool me, I see you. I know you like I know my own soul and I knew exactly where you were going. I wasn’t about to let you go at it alone. You will let me be here, just this once and you will shut the fuck up about it because I need this just as much.”
I throw my hands to the sky and yell. “Why the fuck can’t you let me be?”
I watch her tears build in her eyes and fight to look away because I cannot stand it.
“I have.” She cries and steps forward grabbing my arm and I yank it away from her.
“Stop it! Stop crying!” I roar.
“No! I have earned this moment Noah, don’t you dare rob me of it.”
