After lunch and after they had all pitched in to clean up, Lily sat alone in a chair by the pool watching the ripples in the water. A tap on her shoulder pulled her focus away.
“Thanks for hanging out, I had to go take care of that post-meal check-in.” Wren beamed down at her.
Lily smiled. “Yeah, no worries. I know you’ve got things you need to do.”
Wren slid into the seat across from her, leaning back and crossing one long leg over the other before changing her mind. She placed both feet on the ground, smoothing the nonexistent wrinkles on her shorts, then stilled abruptly.
“Sorry, I’m a little…”
“Nervous?” Lily filled in, feeling almost relieved that she wasn’t the only one feeling that way. “Me too.”
Wren’s shoulders visibly relaxed as she leaned back. “Really?”
Lily nodded. “Weird, right? Because it’s just, like, you and me, but yeah. If I’m being honest, I’ve been a little nervous to see you since, you know…everything.” Her words fell off, Wren’s gaze shifting slightly to where her moms, Nell, and Nate sat a little ways away.
“Do you want to walk down to the beach with me? The ocean here is so different than in Washington. The water isn’t even close to blue.”
“Sure.”
Wren stood, Lily joining her, a moment passing before Wren held out her hand to Lily, leading her down a pathway away from the estate.
The walk was short, neither of them saying anything other than commenting on how nice the weather was, a definite change of pace from the grayness of Seattle. The sound of the ocean grew closer as they moved down the wooden slat walkway dusted with sand. At the end was a guard stand. Wren waved hello to the woman inside, who returned a little salute.
“Sorry about that, you know…with it being rehab, people are always kind of…watching.” Wren shrugged, bumping her hipinto Lily as they walked towards the water. “So…you’ve been pretty quiet today.”
“Yeah.” She shrugged. “Like I said, I was feeling pretty nervous about seeing you.”
They stopped right before the sand began to change colors as they approached the water’s edge. Lily slipped off her shoes then her socks, sinking her toes into the cool, grainy sand.
She didn’t say anything else as she moved towards the water, the sound of the crashing waves filling her ears, the push and pull of the ocean drawing the water closer to her until it splashed up around her shins, cold, exhilarating. The tide pulled against her as water rushed back out, sinking her feet deeper into the spot where she stood.
Lily inhaled deeply, turning to face Wren, searching her puzzled green eyes. She reached a hand up, cupping Wren’s cheek, her thumb brushing over the freckles on her cheekbones. Wanting to memorize the feeling of the heat of Wren in the palm of her hand.
Wren sighed, leaning into the touch. “I know you’re mad at me about my birthday. I fucked that up pretty spectacularly,” she whispered, her words barely audible over the waves.
Lily wasn’t listening, though, as her eyes dropped to Wren’s prefect lips, being completely overwhelmed by the need to feel them on hers. So she did, pressing up onto her tiptoes as Wren dipped her head to meet her.
Time stopped, the noise of the crashing waves drowning out every thought from her brain except the deep appreciation for the way Wren knew how to kiss her.
Wren knew every one of her preferences and wants when it came to kissing. Like how Lily preferred being the top lip or how she really didn’t like kissing with tongue, or how a slight tug of her hair drove her absolutely wild. She had never had to explainto Wren how to kiss her—she had just innately known, like it was something she had always been destined to do.
“I’ll say anything to get you not to be mad at me,” Wren muttered against Lily’s lips. “Tell me what you want me to say.” Wren’s breath was hot and familiar against her as their foreheads pressed together.
Lily’s heart sank at Wren’s words, because that was exactly the whole problem, wasn’t it? “I don’t want to have to tell you what to say. I want you to take accountability and know what you’re apologizing for.”
“Lils, I?—”
Lily’s question was soft and low as it left her lips. “What do you think I’m upset about? In your own words.”
“You’re mad about my party. And how I showed up drunk already. Which I totally shouldn’t have, but in my defense, I didn’t know there was going to be a party because, you know, it was a surprise. If I had known, I would have paced myself… I’m not an idiot.”
“I’m not saying you are.”
“Then what are you saying, because I don’t know what you want to hear from me.”
Tears burned at the corners of Lily’s eyes as she turned her head away, not wanting Wren to see her cry, her understanding sinking in with a clear finality. She knew what she needed to do—but that didn’t mean she liked having to do it.
“I love you, Wren.” Her voice was barely audible above the wind whipping sand around their ankles; their feet sank deeper with each wave that rushed past them, and the chill of the water stung her skin. “You are the best person I’ve ever known, but I can’t be the person you look to again and again to tell you how you feel about everything. You’re in rehab… You get how serious this is, right?”
