“Edward, right?” He nodded. “Big strong boy like you a vegetarian? I’d never have guessed.”
He smirked. I could almost feel him sayingYou have no idea,which in turn made my lips twitch. “Vegetarians and vegans come in all shapes and sizes, Ms Wilson. You just said how healthy James looks. He’s a pretty good cook, as is Trey. We all do very well on it.”
Her swallow was a click even I picked up in the double-glazed silence following his pronouncement. Then she said, “So, you are…all together?”
“We are,” Trace confirmed smoothly. “It was an organic thing. I’d known Edward casually for years — our paths crossed occasionally via mutual friends — but Edward and James got together first. I moved nearby not long after that and, well,” hegave a little shrug as if he couldn’t quite believe it, “here we are.” His tone, although friendly, was final,Take us or leave usthe clear message.
“I didn’t know you were gay. I don’t think I had any clues when you were little. Did I do something wrong?”
Chris snorted. “Doesn’t work like that, love. Come on, you were glued to that programme on t’telly with that rugby player lad and his curly-haired boyfriend. The one Sophie at your work was banging on about. I’m not saying I get it, not really, butyoudidn’t choose to fancy blokes, did you?” She shook her head mutely. He chuckled and waved a hand at us on the sofa. “Neither did your Jamie. Just happens.” He gave me a slightly awkward smile. “That’s right, in’t it?”
“Aye. Except, I’m bisexual. I like girls too.”
“I’m gay though.” Edwin gave them both a beaming smile. “And Trey is pan. We’re a regular Pride float.”
Mum, Shirley — I wasn’t sure how to think of her — giggled. “Very modern.” Then her expression cleared, turning thoughtful. “Jamie, why don’t you come and help me make everyone some tea?” It wasn’t a request.
In the kitchen, she filled the kettle and took mugs from hooks under the cupboards.
“Who has what?”
“Edward has very weak tea, absolutely no milk. He’s allergic to it. Tra—Trey takes his however it comes. I like mine sort of middling.”
Mum leaned against the counter and crossed her arms. She tipped her head towards the door she’d closed behind us. In a low voice she said, “Are you happy, love? Safe? Those two are big fellas and I can tell they’re both older than you.” She glanced around the room, not able to meet my eyes. “They’re, uh, notmakingyou stay with them, are they?”
I’d been about to laugh about them being older than me, but the concern in her eyes when she finally swung back to catch my gaze quickly doused any humour I’d been feeling about the situation.
“The absolute opposite,” I said firmly. “They’re two of the best blokes you could ever meet.” I took the kettle and rinsed out a mug for Edwin with boiling water in the sink, on the off chance there could be a stray drop of milk clinging to it. Paranoid, I know, but it gave me somewhere to focus — anywhere other than the worried face of the woman who felt like a stranger, yet at the same time I wanted nothing more than to bury myself in her embrace and go back in time to when Iknewshe was my mum.
“What do you mean?” There was a wobble in her voice.Oh God.
“I mean that I have experience of men treating me badly.” Her breath caught. “One man, really.” I sucked in a gulp of oxygen and clung to the edge of the worktop, willing my voice not to crack. “He was an abusive bastard. Ed-Edward was the one who helped me heal from that.”
“Oh, Jamie.” There was a weight to her words that made me turn around to face her once more. She was deathly pale. “I’m so sorry.”
I put the mug down. “It happened to you too.”
“About the time it all started going really wrong. I thought he was nice at first. Sympathetic. He’d give me money to get a sitter for you so we could go out.” She sighed and wrapped her arms around herself. “He was trying to drive a wedge between us. Between you and me. He didn’t like kids at all, it turned out. He wanted me for…other reasons.”
“You don’t have to tell me.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to deal with her pain as well as my own. And yet, I suspected I needed to know.
“It’s okay. It’s still not excusing what I did. I was young and stupid, but I should never have neglected you. I failed you, Jamie, and that’ll be on my conscience until the day I die. He…he convinced me I could do better than living on the social. That there was easy money to be made if I listened to him. Long story short, there was alcohol and drugs to numb it all, and threats of violence when I talked back. Actual violence later.” She winced. “He broke my wrist once. But anyway, the point is, I didn’t put you first. And I should have. The social were right to take you away. It might even have saved your life.”
Fuck.I didn’t like to think that over a decade of lacklustre children’s homes and occasional foster parents was the bright, shiny alternative, but apparently I had a lot to be grateful for. “He didn’t break you though,” I offered. “You found your way back.”
A watery smile. “Aye, I did. Hit rock bottom, spent some time in a women’s shelter with only the bag I’d run with. Got free of everything I’d thought I needed to get through the day. Turns out I mostly liked the drink as a way to numb myself from his abuse. I’m very lucky I don’t seem to have a body that gets easily addicted to stuff, although I’ve never touched booze or weed again, and I don’t want to know what else he forced on me over the years. I got a room in a halfway house for vulnerable adults. Then, I got a job at Asda” — she smiled properly now — “which I still have because they’re the best bunch of people I’ve ever worked with. And finally, I got this flat. I’ve been here ever since. It’s not much, but I’m thankful for every day I wake up.”
I sifted quickly through everything, amazed that after all this time, Mum had kept her voice steady and her words clear so I had no trouble following her. She’d obviously had a shit time, and she’d definitely fucked up her priorities when she had a small child, but she’d come out the other side, and so had I.
“You have Chris too. I presume he’s your boyfriend?”
She nodded. “He’s a good man. Steady. Nothing fazes him. He even managed not to laugh when I told him my daft flights of fancy about Rollo. He’s not fancy or rich, and I reckon most wouldn’t say he’s very handsome either, but he’s kind and he cares about me.” The first hint of real vulnerability shone in her eyes. “I think he loves me.”
I managed to smile this time, although I felt perilously close to tears for some reason. “I think you’re right.”
She seemed to mentally give herself a shake. “We should make this tea. They’ll think we’ve forgotten them.”
We stayed maybe another hour. I discovered that Mum had finally made contact with her parents and brother about two years back. My grandparents had mellowed considerably and were delighted to have their daughter back, as well as gutted to learn Mum had no idea where I was or what had become of me. Of course, by that time I’d moved to Leeds and was ekeing out a living under the radar as much as possible, so unless you had a handy Baxter as a friend, she wouldn’t have been able to find me. Mum said she was certain they would all love to meet me. I stuffed the suggestion in a box of Things To Think About Later and promised I’d give it some consideration.
