Right. Raye’s smile came a little easier now, and she accordingly sat beside Svein on the bed, while Gaelfr went to sit on the other side. But Kalfr still hesitated near the door, glancing back and forth between them, and after an instant’s stillness, Raye waved him over to join them.
“Perhaps Papa Kalfr could share something with you, too,” she told Svein, without thinking. “Maybe a prayer to the goddess?”
Too late, she winced, and darted Kalfr a regretful look. She’d never forgotten how he used to pray every night, his eyes closed, his hand over his heart. But maybe he didn’t do that anymore, or maybe he wouldn’t want to share it with Svein, especially — Raye winced again — if he truly believed the goddess he’d once worshipped now wished to bring him harm.It is what I deserve. What the goddess would wish, after all my failings…
But Kalfr jerked a nod, and strode with stiff steps to sit beside Gaelfr on the bed. Where he watched in stilted silence while Gaelfr unravelled and combed Svein’s hair with his claws, and Raye sang him her usual lullaby.
She could feel Kalfr’s eyes on her as she sang, perhaps judging her — surely still hating her — but she forced herself to keep going, keep her eyes on Svein’s face. And once she’d finished singing, and Gaelfr had finished braiding, Kalfr took Svein’s hand, and gave him a fond, wavering smile.
“Mayhap I will speak the prayer I have prayed each night, ever since I first learnt of you,” he softly said, as he closed hiseyes, and spread his other hand against his heart. “Goddess of Bautul, I beg you to watch over my precious son. I beg you to shield him, to shelter him, to grow him hearty and hale. I beg you to grant him and his mother” — his voice slightly cracked — “only kindness, and care, and safety. And I pray that they shall sleep warm and sound together this night, beneath your watching eye.”
It caught in Raye’s chest, twisted with surprise, and longing, and more aching regret. Kalfr had truly prayed this, every single night? He’d prayed for Svein’s safety… and for her safety, too? For kindness toward her, and care? Even after she’d kept him away from Svein, all that time?
Her eyes were stinging again, the tightness spasming in her throat, while Svein sleepily smiled at Kalfr, the warmth and gratefulness shining in his eyes. “That’s nice, Papa,” he said. “And the goddess listened, didn’t she, Mama? She helped you keep us safe from all the bad men, all the time Papa was gone.”
Raye swallowed down the lump in her throat, and managed a nod, and a smile between Svein and Kalfr that felt far too grateful. “I’m sure she did, love,” she whispered. “It was very kind of your father to be praying for us, all that time.”
She couldn’t read Kalfr’s sidelong glance toward her, but then he fixed his gaze back on Svein, and squeezed his hand. “It is a true honour to have you in my home this night, my son,” he said thickly. “I pray you will sleep well. And only call if you need me, ach?”
With that, he abruptly stood, and strode out of the room. Leaving the rest of them silently blinking after him, but Raye pasted another smile to her mouth, and asked Svein if he needed the latrine again before bed. Which he did, of course, and the three of them trooped together down the hall to the nearby latrine, and then came back and settled Svein into bed again.And after one more round of hugs, Raye and Gaelfr finally said goodnight, and ducked out into the hallway.
The door to Kalfr’s appointed room was half-closed, with only darkness beyond it, and Raye forced her gaze away, toward the door beside Svein’s. The room Svein had chosen for her. The room she should be going into, now, rather than hesitating here in the hallway, and glancing up at Gaelfr beside her. He was holding the lamp they’d brought with them, and his eyes shifted, glimmered in the light, as he jerked his head toward his own appointed room. Saying,Come.
And Raye should have refused. Should have told him they’d already done far more than they should. But instead, she dropped her eyes and nodded, and padded after him into his room. Where she waited in silence as he closed the oaken door behind her, and clicked its latch into place.
Raye twitched at the sound, and then blinked toward the small nearby shelf, which held several stacks of clothes — including her own. Meaning Gaelfr had done that, he’d unpacked all her clothes, and piled them up here, in what was apparently now his bedroom, rather than in her own. And maybe Raye should have argued that, too, or the sleeping shift he silently handed toward her — but again, she nodded, and obeyed. Quickly changing into the shift while he watched, and next watching in turn, her mouth oddly dry, as he set the lamp on the small nightstand, shucked off his trousers entirely, and slid his big body fully naked beneath the fur.
He still didn’t speak, but apparently he didn’t need to, and only raised his brow toward her. And Raye couldn’t hide her relieved exhale as she went and slipped down into the bed against his side, into the safety of his warm arm settling around her. This was ridiculous, this was appalling, and she breathed him in deep, and tentatively curled her arm across his warm bare chest.
“This was… good today,” Gaelfr said, as he reached to snuff the lamp, plunging them into utter darkness. “We have learnt much, and we shall yet learn more. We shall gain Kalfr’s trust again, and overcome this, together.”
He sounded decisive, aggressive, almost as if he was convincing himself, too. And Raye couldn’t hide her grimace, the shake of her head against his shoulder. “I told you, he hates me,” she said, with a sigh. “He’ll never, ever forgive me, he said. Especially now, after walking in on us like that.”
Gaelfr’s chest rose and fell against her, his hand patting at her back. “Ach, he knew what he would see, woman,” he said, gruff. “And it has not yet been a day, has it? I told you, we must take care, and be patient. And” — his chest hollowed against her — “Kalfr has not been blameless in this, either.”
Raye blinked toward Gaelfr’s voice in the dark, and shook her head. “But… everything he told us, earlier,” she countered. “It all made so much sense. How he couldn’t risk starting a war. And how affected he was by my threat to take Svein across the sea — especially when both you and his mother left him, and now I know how the bonds can make you feel, too. I should have realized, and I” — she took a breath — “I was wrong, Gaelfr. I failed. You were right, and I was… stubborn. Cruel.Jealous.”
The bitterness leaked through her voice, tinged with loss and regret, and Gaelfr’s hand stroked against her back, slow and reassuring. “Ach, but Svein is yet his son,” he replied. “And the Kalfr I knew — he should never have stood for this. He should have fought this, and found a way through to you, just as I did. I fear he is…”
His voice faded, and suddenly Raye could feel his heartbeat, hard and fast beneath his warm skin. “I ought never to have left him, either,” he said, hoarse. “I am also at fault for this. He is myástvinur, and I helped to spark all this grief, and then left him to face it alone. He ought to have sent for me, but” — he exhaledagain — “I ought to have better pushed through to him, as I did to you. It is clear he needed this from me, also, and I… I did not see it.”
It was a surprisingly candid confession, spoken without a tinge of anger or blame. And Raye could almost feel his sadness, quiet and deep between them, and her hand had begun stroking his chest, smoothing against solid muscle and warm skin.
“So are you still planning to leave soon, then?” she asked, more pointed than she meant. “Wasn’t your goal to dump us off on him, make sure we were safe, and leave again?”
Gaelfr’s chest heaved beneath her hand, a silent admission all its own, but it was a moment before he spoke again. “I shall stay,” he said, “but only so long as you keep the vow you made to us today, before the goddess.”
The vow? Raye’s head snapped up to frown at him, but there was only more darkness, and a telltale prickle of his watching eyes on her face. “You mean… when I told Kalfr I would try to make it up to him?” she asked. “But… I said that tohim. Andhesaid he didn’t even want it.”
But she could feel Gaelfr’s stubbornness in the air, could almost picture the look on his face. “Ach, but Kalfr is myástvinur, so any vow you make to him, you also make to me,” he countered. “And he did not truly say he did not want this vow, did he? He said he did not believe you could do this. This is not the same. This is instead… a trial. Atest.”
Raye kept blinking at him in the dark, because surely that wasn’t at all what Kalfr had meant… right? But she could almost taste Gaelfr’s intensity now, and that was an unmistakable prick of his claws against the skin of her back.
“And even if Kalfr did not wish for this from you,” he continued, his voice deepening, “this does not yet absolve you, woman. You are Bautul. You swore the vow, upon the goddess’ name. Thus, you shallkeepit.”
You are Bautul. You swore the vow. You shall keep it. Those words swayed strong between them, lodging deep in Raye’s belly. She’d truly made another vow to Kalfr, one she was now bound to keep. And gods, what had she even said?
If there’s ever anything I could do for you, to try to make it up to you, I will. I will.
