It sounded true, felt true, quivering strangely in Raye’s chest, while Gaelfr cast a glance around at their silent observers. “Also,” he continued, “I shall do my utmost to train our new band in the ways of battle, in all the deepest ways of our fathers. I shall make our band into the fiercest, most loyal war-band in the realm, ready to uphold any base orbyrgiit is called to defend. And thus, this band shall well serve all the clan, and all our sons, even beyond our deaths.”
There were a few approving murmurs around the room, and Raye caught a flicker of appreciation in Silfast’s eyes, too. Suggesting, perhaps, that Gaelfr had been an even more valuablewarrior and leader than he’d let on, and that this was therefore a worthwhile amends for him to offer. That the prospect of him training and preparing an elite fighting band was of real value to the clan, and to Silfast.
And perhaps, also, it was of value to Kalfr. Because Kalfr’s sidelong glance toward Gaelfr was surprised, and approving, and grateful. As if he had maybe expected Gaelfr to argue, or to fight his appalling proposal, instead of supporting it. And this meant… Gaelfrwassupporting it, right? He was agreeing to do this, so Kalfr could still offer himself up to their enemies, and get himselfkilled.
“We shall weigh this offer, brother,” Silfast replied, with a curt nod toward Gaelfr. “And now you, woman. What shall you offer to earn our trust again?”
Fuck. Raye couldn’t hide her flinch this time, or her alarmed sideways glance toward Kalfr and Gaelfr. What the hell was she supposed to do, or say? When Kalfr had blindsided her with this ridiculous plan, and Gaelfr had agreed to it? And publicly committed to it, before all his kin? And now was she supposed to agree to it, too, and offer up yet another supposedly unbreakable vow before their goddess?
Kalfr’s gaze was unreadable on hers, entirely inscrutable, but Gaelfr’s was… something else. Something she could almost feel him speaking aloud, shouting it silently into her whirling, panicked thoughts.We shall do all we can for him. We shall address this. He shall stay, and be safe.
Right. Because Gaelfr still wouldn’t allow Kalfr’s death. Hewouldn’t. And if anything, having an elite war-band at his command would only help him guard Kalfr and Svein. And Raye had promised to help too, to do this, prove this…
So she gulped down a shaky breath, and made herself meet Silfast’s hard, unfriendly eyes. “I’ve already — extended my apologies to Kalfr,” she said, her voice audibly wavering. “AndI’ve sworn to make amends to him, before the goddess. In whatever ways I can.”
She attempted a smile toward Silfast’s blank watching eyes, earning only a loud scoff in return. “And what have youdone, woman?” he demanded. “How have you made these amends? How have you honoured him and helped him, before all his kin? How have you begun to earn his trust again?”
The alarm wrenched higher in Raye’s chest, and she forced herself to drag in another breath, tothink. Gods damn it, what had she done, what would they like, what would they want to hear?
“Um,” she began, with a furtive glance back toward the room, and its multiple still-naked occupants, all staring at her with open curiosity. “Well, I’ve tried to — learn from my past fears and mistakes, and do better. I’ve tried to be — kind, and considerate, and… open-minded. And I’ve…”
Her eyes again caught on the orc couple who had been cavorting on the platform by the fire, who were now standing and wiping each other off, one of them brazenly raising his brows toward her. Making her next option all too obvious, damn it, and Raye choked down another breath, and met Silfast’s eyes. “And I’ve… welcomed Kalfr’s… pleasure,” she made herself say. “And offered him… whatever he would like. From me.”
Her memories flashed back to the events of the past few days — begging on the altar, kneeling under the table, lavishing Kalfr as he’d fucked Gaelfr. And her cheeks were already burning again, her eyes pleading on this Silfast’s face. Surely that would be enough, and now she could leave, and never see any of these people again.
But Silfast’s hard eyes hadn’t changed, and if anything, his lip curled even higher. “And have you done this in the way our goddess commands?” he asked coldly. “Have you eagerly milked Kalfr’s seed upon our sacred altar, together with hisástvinur,before all his kin? Have you anointed this altar with his fresh seed? Have you begged his favour thus, and pleaded with him to call down the goddess’ blessing upon you?”
Raye’s heartbeat flailed, while the room dipped and flickered, because Silfast meant — he expected that. They expected that. Of her. Here. They expected her to eagerly milk Kalfr’s seed, to anoint the altar, to beg his forgiveness. Before all his kin.
Raye’s rebellion kicked and surged, because that was ridiculous, and also… she’d already somewhat done it, hadn’t she? Kalfr had already taken her on that stone altar, back at thebyrgi. And Gaelfr had even said she’d anointed it with Kalfr’s seed, and he’d been there to bear witness, the way the goddess wanted. But then… what else had he said?
We ought to have had more Bautul witnesses. Kalfr ought to have spoken a prayer, and called down the goddess’ blessing upon you. We would next expect him to bring you before the clan, and finish this. He needed my seed, and my blessing.
Godsdamnit. And when Raye shot another narrow glance at Gaelfr, she could almost hear him saying it, yet again. Could see the challenge, or the command, flaring in his eyes. He’d told her about this. He’dwarnedher about this.
We would next expect him to bring you before the clan, and finish this.
It was another trial. Another test. And now… it was up to Raye to do it. To prove it. To keep her vow, and make her amends.
Raye’s heart thundered even faster, but she’d promised to do anything. Anything. And could she do this, she could, please, goddess…
And with all her strength, all her courage, she turned to Kalfr. Met his careful, inscrutable eyes. And took a breath, opened her mouth…
“Then please, Kalfr,” she croaked. “Allow me to join you upon this altar, and beg your favour before all your clan.”
37
Raye’s request splashed into the silence, rippling out loud and harsh through the room.
She’d just asked Kalfr to take her, in public. She’d asked him that, here, before all these watching strangers. And now — a helpless hope flared behind her eyes — maybe Kalfr would refuse. Maybe he would laugh it off, or wave it away, or say they needed to head back to thebyrgi. Maybe he would say,another day, next time…
But instead, he just… looked at her. Looked at her, with his dark long-lashed eyes, still not betraying a trace of his thoughts behind them. Not saying yes, but not saying no, either. And when Raye shot a searching look at Silfast, that was impatience in his beady gaze on hers, and maybe a command, too. Saying, perhaps,Is that all you can do, woman? Prove this.
Raye closed her eyes for a breath, clawed up the dregs of her courage, and then moved her shaky hand to the sash of her lovely new dress. “Please, Kalfr,” she whispered again, as she tugged at the sash with her fingers. “Please, allow me to” — gods, what had Silfast said? — “to milk you, together with yourástvinur. To — anoint this altar with your fresh Bautul seed, before all your kin.”
Kalfr’s expression hadn’t changed, apart from a brief glance down toward her trembling hand, and Raye looked helplessly toward Gaelfr. He was supposed to be part of this too, damn it, and — oh. He…likedthis. He approved of this. He had to, with that warmth and triumph glittering in his eyes, and he leaned closer into Kalfr, and took a deep inhale against his throat.
It was enough that Raye could gulp down a breath too, and she forced her hand to keep going. To keep pulling at her sash until her dress fell open in front, and revealed the close-fitting lacy black chemise she was wearing beneath.
