Gaelfr was still rubbing at his eyes, but Raye caught him glancing toward her through his fingers, his expression chagrined, ashamed. “I urged her to — come to you,” he replied, hollow. “I urged her to honour you, and honour her vow to make amends to you. And I urged her to…”
His throat convulsed, and Kalfr barked a harsh laugh. “And is this where the son comes in?” he demanded. “You urged her to bear me another son, also?”
Gaelfr grimaced, but didn’t reply, and Kalfr glanced between him and Raye, while bitter comprehension flared in his eyes. “Ach, I follow,” he said slowly. “And just now, she asked if you would stay, did she not? You ordered her to come to me, to makeamends to me, to bear me another son — or else you wouldleave?”
Gaelfr still didn’t reply, though Raye couldn’t suppress her own brief, betraying flinch. A movement that Kalfr didn’t miss, his eyes angling narrow toward her before flicking back to Gaelfr again. “Truly, Gael?” he asked, harder. “You threatened to leaveher, also? What, and run off across the sea, and abandon your vows and your kin?Again?”
Gaelfr’s hand was rubbing at his mouth now, and he mumbled something about not going across the sea, but Raye couldn’t fully hear it over Kalfr’s rising, furious growl. “And you threatened this, when you had already begun to build a bond with her?” he demanded. “And when you knew she and Svein needed our help? You wielded all this against her, to better urge her obedience toward me? To grant me anotherson?!”
Kalfr’s voice cracked, while the disgust curled at his mouth, shocked and horrified. And damn it, he’d been trying so hard to trust them, to do this together, and now — now it sounded like Raye had done it all under duress, at Gaelfr’s demand, Gaelfr’s threat. Like it had all been a lie. A ploy. A farce.
And even worse — Raye’s thoughts were distantly screaming now — Kalfr had done so much for his clan’s sons, these past years. He’d made so many sacrifices. He’d even agreed to that awful mission with Sybil, and Sybil had lied to him, and tried to use him for a son, too. And now, Raye and Gaelfr had been doing the exact same thing? Conspiring against him, for a son? And why the hell hadn’t Raye put that together, before it had come to this? Why hadn’t she realized how much this might mean to Kalfr, how it might break him?
“So when you told me,” Kalfr continued, his voice halting, his pained eyes finding Raye’s, “you wished us to learn each other again, to trust each other… you were speaking false to me? You were… play-acting? At Gael’s command?”
Play-acting. The word roiled in Raye’s belly, and she frantically shook her head. “N-no, Kalfr,” she choked out. “It — it wasn’t like that! It wasn’t, I swear. Iwantedto do all that with you. I wanted to trust you, and reconcile with you, and have another son with you! But I just —”
She shot Gaelfr a helpless, panicked look, and his eyes met hers before flicking to Kalfr again, glimmering with urgency, with regret. “Ach, I — I knew Raye wished for all this with you,ástin mín,” he rasped. “I could see this, and scent this, stronger and stronger with every day we spent together. But at first, she mistrusted us both, and mistrusted her own longing for this — so my urging helped her in this, ach? It helped all of us. Made this… easier.Safer.”
And yes, yes, that felt right, itwasright — but Kalfr stared at Gaelfr, his eyes flashing with disbelief, as a hard, bitter laugh escaped his mouth. “Ach,safer,” he repeated. “With you hiding all this from me? With you speaking thus of trust, whilst you secretly schemed and plotted against me, all this time? Seeking to entrap me with you, yet again?”
Entraphim?! Raye felt herself blanching, her head shaking, and Gaelfr had begun to look genuinely ill. While Kalfr shoved off the bed, yanked on his trousers, and began pacing back and forth, dragging both hands against his hair. “And this is why,” he breathed, more to himself than to them, “you kept seeking to feed and fatten her, a dozen times a day. This is why you were so eager for me to take her on the altars. And this is why” — he whirled around to stare at Gaelfr again — “this is why you refused to fuck your own mate, even when I kept offering you this! For the condition you set upon her was that the son must bemine!”
The hurt again roiled in Raye’s gut, together with more careening alarm, because of course Kalfr knew Gaelfr hadn’t been telling him the truth about that, all this time. And wait, ifKalfrhadknown that, why had he still kept agreeing to it? Why had they kept doing it like they had, on the altars, on the earth, so sweet in this very bed last night?
And… wait. Was it still part of Kalfr’s plan, too? Could he still be trying to bring her and Gaelfr together, to make him accept his plan today with Sybil? Or — could he still be planning to run off on them? To sacrifice himself to this?
“And you did this, Gael,” Kalfr continued, fully snarling now, “whenyou, more than any other, ought to know that any sons of ours will belong to us both! And did you think I would leave, if I was not the one to beget him? Did you think I would cast outyourson? Thus, you needed to be sure you entrapped me with my own?!”
Gaelfr’s head was rapidly shaking, the despair burning through his eyes. “No, Kalfr,” he insisted, between breaths. “It was not thus. It wasnot. I swear to you, before the goddess. I only wished to help Raye. To help you both. To” — he dragged in a breath — “to grant you both all you deserved from me, after I failed you!”
But Kalfr’s eyes flashed again, his hands snapping to fists at his sides, and for an instant, Raye was sure he was going to fly at Gaelfr, and punch him in the face. “And you thought we deserved this from you?” he snarled back. “You thought Raye and Svein deserved more fear and danger, after what they have already borne? You thought I deserved yet more secrets and plots from you? And you thought I deserved” — his voice cracked — “another woman in my bed who did not fully wish to be there? Another woman who forced herself to bear my touch, for someone else’s ends?”
Raye’s heartbeat spiked, and she hurled herself off the bed toward Kalfr, scrabbling to clasp his stiff hands in hers. “No, Kalfr!” she gasped. “Please. Listen to me. I wanted you. I alwayswanted you. I’ve never, ever stopped wanting you, no matter how much I tried!”
Kalfr’s gaze snapped flinty and skeptical to hers, his fists flexing beneath her fingers, but Raye clasped them tighter, searched him with wide, imploring eyes. “Inevergot over you, Kalfr,” she choked. “I couldn’t stop dreaming about you. Wishing you would come back. Wishing I could go back in time, read your letters, listen to what you had to say. Wishing I could do everything all over again, and learn to understand you, and to — to trust you. And Gaelfr’s right, I —”
She had to gulp for air, dredge up truth she’d perhaps never admitted even to herself. “I was sogladwhen Gaelfr finally barged in, and took over,” she whispered. “When he let me believe it wasn’t my choice anymore. My responsibility. Goddess, it was just — such a fuckingrelief.”
She couldn’t read the look in Kalfr’s eyes now, but she made herself keep going, spitting it all out. “But every time I touched you,” she whispered, “every single thing we’ve done together — I wanted it, Kalfr. I wanted you. I still want you, in every way you’ll let me have you. I’ve loved being with you like this. I — I love you, Kalfr. I love you.”
I love you. I love you. Words that thudded like a deep, devastating drum, like a vow that could never be taken back. But Raye meant this, meant it so much it hurt — and Kalfr wasn’t arguing it now, was he? Was only still looking at her, something shifting in his eyes, as if…
“And you must — know that,” Raye said, her voice hitching into something imploring. “You must be able to tell. Can’t you? You must be able to smell it, if nothing else?”
But yes, there, that flicker in Kalfr’s eyes — he had to know the difference. He had to. He’d so clearly known how it had felt when Sybil hadn’t really wanted him, and surely he would have known even better with Raye, wouldn’t he? And why would hehave agreed to be intimate with her, if he’d smelled it was wrong, or he’d sensed she hadn’t wanted it? Why would he have taken her on those altars, or wanted to make a son with her?
And the son was part of it too, a crucial part, and Raye heaved another shaky breath. “And of course I wanted another son with you,” she croaked. “Svein has been — the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve loved having him in my life, getting to be his mother. Having a family of my own. And how could I not want to experience that again? Especially if I get to do it with you, this time. With both of you.”
She darted a pleading glance toward Gaelfr, who was still sitting unmoving on the bed, his face haggard and pale. And though Kalfr’s shoulders sagged, his eyes hardened as he glanced toward Gaelfr’s face. “And you truly still wish for Gael in this,” Kalfr said, heavy, not quite a question. “Even after he bullied you into this. Even after he broke his vows of matehood to you thus, and failed to honour you, and guard you, and cherish you.”
Raye was already nodding, but then something skipped, caught her to stillness. Because — what did he mean, Gaelfr’s vows of matehood? His vows to honour her, and guard her, and cherish her?
Raye blinked, shot Gaelfr a searching, confused look, because yes, he’d made several vows to protect her, back at her cottage — but they’d all been for Svein’s sake, right? And they certainly hadn’t included anything like honouring or cherishing, had they? Surely she would have remembered?
But Gaelfr looked distinctly ill again, his eyes slowly closing — and Kalfr blinked back and forth between them, as grim, incredulous comprehension flashed across his eyes. “Truly, Gael?” he snarled, with a lurching step back toward Gaelfr on the bed. “You did not even swear the vows to her? You lied to me about this, also? This was another part of your plot?!”
What? Raye was entirely lost, now, staring helplessly between them — but Gaelfr wasn’t speaking, his eyes still closed, his face gone paler than she’d ever seen it. And what the hell did Kalfr mean, Gaelfr hadn’t sworn the right vows? Gaelfrwasstill her mate… wasn’t he?
