If she’ll clear it all out and move back to the ranch full time.
I can’t stand the thought that she might. I’ve gotten used to her and Nelson being a fixture. I fucking love it. I want it.
“What happened this morning?” Quinn asks as we find a table and take a seat with Omar, Trent, Jad, Terry and Lamar. I’m not about to bare my soul in front of these guys and the very last man I can admit that I’m devastated to is Quinn.
I’m in love with his sister and yesterday, I messed it all up, fighting like a rookie. That’s not what she deserved. Not what Nelson should ever see. I grew up in a broken home where my mom and father figures were arguing all the damn time. I’m better than this.
Leaning back in my seat, I drag my hands down my face, fleetingly forgetting that I’m not alone, until a plate of chicken, veg and rice is placed in front of me.
“Nothing,” I say, responding to Quinn’s question. “I took Darcy to the airport and got stuck in traffic.”
“Is Annie staying with you tonight?”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “No.”
Focusing on my food, I ignore the weird vibes around the table.
As soon as practice is done, I head home. Only it doesn’t feel like home. It’s neat, tidy, empty and cold. I’m not sure why I head to Annie’s room – maybe to make sure she hasn’t moved out all her things. Her bed is made and it doesn’t smell like her.
I head to Nelson’s room and breathe a sigh of relief when I see his favorite stuffed toy – a San Antonio bear – in his crib. I take hold of it and bring it with me as I sit on the floor, back to wall, feeling frustrated and angry at what a fucking mess I’ve managed to make of this. Mostly because I miss my best friend and a kid I love as if he were my own.
I’m still sitting in the same spot when Aaron comes over to make dinner.
“Pace? Are you around?” he calls.
I’ve been sitting in the room staring into space. Wondering where in hell I go from here – do I just move on, be a friend when she needs one? Do I put myself out there and see what she wants, then sneak around and back track to fill in the problem gaps if I need to? Or do I go all in and take every step I need to in the hope she wants that, too?
It feels like there’s a scale and at one end, I keep a friend. At the other, I could jeopardize a friendship for nothing and piss off people who matter to me.
Or maybe I get everything I want.
I wish I could see inside Annie’s head. I wish I could know what she really thinks when it comes to Auston, that I had a crystal ball to know how Colton would take me making a move on his sister, to know that in ten years’ time Annie wouldn’t be bored of me and want someone younger, if now she’d risk public attention, again, for us.
I kiss the soft toy because I can’t kiss Nelson and I tuck it into the crib, then head to the kitchen.
“Hey, Aaron.”
He looks up from where he’s chopping vegetables and pauses, knife mid-air. Ironic, since I feel as if I’ve been chopped into pieces myself today.
“Are you alright? You look…”
“Unwell? I’ve had that a few times today.”
He scrutinizes the place, the notable lack of toys scattered around the lounge.
“They aren’t here,” I tell him.
“For the day?”
“Maybe for good. I don’t know.”
I hate saying it out loud.
“Want to talk about it?”
“No.”
He nods, then gets back to work.
