“You keep making these big decisions because of men. Because of Dad or because of Ethan. You’re letting them win.”
“If I stay, then aren’t I letting a man win again?” I point out. “I have spent so long picking myself up after Dad. Picking myself up after Ethan. And if I stay, and Tanner changes his mind, I don’t think I would be able to pick myself back up again.”
“Letting a man win? Hannah, this is Tanner we’re talking about. You’re condemning him for Dad and Ethan’s sins. You’re letting the worst parts of them, ruin something really fucking good. Stay for the baby, stay for Winnie’s friends or stay for your best friend. I don’t care, butstay.”
“Rhett’s your best friend now,” I say softly.
“I’m not talking about me.” She looks over my shoulder. “Talk to him, Hannah. Hear him out. Because I think for once you know exactly what you want and it just also happens to be what he wants too.” She grabs my hands and squeezes. “Let Winniegrow up watching you be loved the way you deserve to be loved and the wayshedeserves to be loved.”
She kisses my cheek and sweeps away with Rhett waving and smiling to the crowd behind her. I go back in as their truck pulls away, and I slip into the bathroom. There’s a knock on the door as I grip the counter, staring at my reflection in the mirror.
“One minute,” I choke out, but the door swings open.
Tanner steps in and locks the door behind him.
“You have a real habit of following me into bathrooms,” I point out as we stare at each other through the mirror.
His eyes are filled with what I now know is desire. It’s the look he’s had all along, but being under him in bed has translated that expression perfectly for me.
“Paul wanted me to let you know that he and your mom are taking Winnie back to the hotel for the night. They’re swinging by your apartment to get Winnie’s things and then are going to see if they can sneak into the pool after hours.”
“What if he wants more than just visitation?” I ask his reflection quietly. “What if it only gets harder?”
“It probably will get harder. But it’s going to be harder no matter where we are.”
We.
Tanner places his hands on either side of me against the counter.
“Hannah.” His lips meet my shoulder and his mustache scratches at the soft skin and that familiar fire lights in my belly.
“Tanner.”
His open mouth is pressed against the soft spot where my shoulder meets my neck when a knock comes.
“Occupied,” he snaps back instantly, daring the person to knock again. Then just to me says, “I won’t keep going if you’re leaving me. If this is over, then I’ll leave. I’ll get in my truck, and going forward, I will follow all of your rules. But if you couldchoose me, if you could let me prove myself to you, give me a chance to love you and love Winnie, I’ll take whatever you can give me. I’ll drive you back to my house, get you out of this dress and get you back in my bed. We both know it hasn’t just been my bed since you slept in it.”
I pick my head up and stare at us in the mirror.
“I’ll wait by my truck.” He kisses my shoulder once more, his lips lingering there before he turns, leaving me to face only my reflection now.
Pieces of my hair have fallen out of the bun, my red eyes match the splotches across my chest, and all I can think about is Tanner’s words. His actions. His promises within both. I think about my heart that’s been trapped in its rusted cage, and I wonder if I can risk letting it free again.
45
The morning sun soaks in through the thin curtains and reflects off the mirror over the dresser. Light refracts all over the room, catching every little metallic thing in the four walls and illuminates them. A breeze drifts in from the open window where a mourning dove coos. I peer over at my bridesmaid dress which is a piled heap on the floor, then gaze around the room.
It’s empty. Like the bed.
My heart aches for Winnie. How will I ever survive her staying with Ethan? How can I spare a moment with her for his sake, when I can hardly stand when she spends a single night away from me?
I roll over and let out a sigh from deep in my lungs. Then I hear it. The humming. The crackle of country music. The smell of bacon and coffee. The smell of home. I sit up and grab one of his flannels and follow the sound. The creaking floors and stairs must not give me away because he stands at the stove in a pair of boxers with a towel over his bare shoulder. My heart picks up to its usual pace whenever we’re in the same room.
I settle into every inch of this moment. The softly billowingcurtains, the splattering grease in the cast iron pan, the way his muscles pull across his tanned back as he goes between pouring two cups of coffee and the stove. I cling to it, not because I’m afraid of losing it, this time, but because I want to remind myself that I get to stay. I step closer and spot the little pinkish spot on his shoulder that I left last night. One that is already bruising.
“Good morning,” I say as I wrap my arms around Tanner’s torso.
His body instantly eases as I kiss his back and then press my cheek against his warm skin.
