“I was going to bring you this in bed,” he says.
“That would have been a mess.” I laugh and let him turn to face me.
“You’re such a mom.”
“Ha ha.” I roll my eyes as he presses his lips into my forehead. We rock there for a moment.
“There’s always next month.” His presses his lips against mine then turns back to the stove. “Two eggs or three?”
“Three. Please.”
He plucks the eggs from the little metal basket placed on the counter next to him and cracks them next to the bacon.
Last night, after getting my bag and shoes, and spotting Sebastian approaching a lonely looking Gwen at the head table, I found myself running down the moonlit gravel road toward that damn green truck. I expected Tanner to have been in the driver’s seat, ready to leave. But instead, he was standing, back leaned against the passenger side, watching me catch my breath there in the middle of the road under the dim streetlight.
His arms were crossed, his dress shirt was unbuttoned with his tie hanging undone on his shoulders. My chest heaved with heavy breaths as the music back at the reception faded to just a low thumping thud of a beat that matched my heart.
“What if I stay.” Though, it was phrased like a question, itdidn’t come out that way. “What if I stay and you change your mind. Tanner, you’re my best friend. I can’t lose you, but I feel like maybe I already did. And I think it’s actually killing me.”
He stood there, solidly against the car door. Unmoving. “Hannah, I should have kept fighting. I had been fighting for two years, but I thought you had made your decision. I thoughtyouchanged your mind and I wanted to respect your decision even if I hated it.” He pushed off the truck and met me in the center of the road. “If you want to go to the courthouse first thing Monday morning, I’m in. If you want to wait a couple years, I’m still in.”
“Did you talk to my dad?” I teased, but he didn’t smile.
“I asked him if I could marry you in that high school auditorium right after I saw you at Winnie’s recital. I actually asked your mom and sister and Rhett too. The only person I haven’t asked yet is Winnie. But Hannah, if you’ll have me, she’s my next phone call.”
If there is one thing I realized in that moment, it was that him standing two feet away from me was way too far away and anything further would be unbearable. So, I let myself believe what he’s been showing me for months. Years. And I let my heart take his words with what weight they held and stopped letting the whispers of my past tell me they weren’t true and that I didn’t deserve them.
Tanner loves in actions, and touches, and in home cooked meals. Tanner loves in helping me out of chairs and helping Winnie into hers. He loves in an offered hand when Winnie climbs the fence, and when I am alone at a party. He loves in planting seeds and watering them and showing up for them, again and again and again. Even when you aren’t sure they will ever bloom.Especially, when you aren’t sure you’ll ever bloom.
Now we’re sitting at his kitchen table, drinking coffee, and eating breakfast. Winnie and my parents are coming by later sothey can meet the animals and so I can tell Winnie that we are going to move to Green Branch and make this our home. If I want to teach her anything, I want her to know that it’s not always the ground under your feet you call home, sometimes the people are the place you call home, too.
EPILOGUE
ONE MONTH LATER
October nears around the corner, and we survived the first month of school with Winnie. It hasn’t always been easy getting her there in the mornings, but when I pick her up in the afternoon, she always has a smile on her face.
She and Poppy are in the same class, and she is desk partners with a boy named Eric whom she informed that she has a sheep named Eric too. Luckily, he thought it was funny, and we arranged a playdate for him to meet Sheep-Eric, who is now a father of one very cute girl lamb named Fred.
When Winnie has a particularly difficult day at school, or her anxiety bubbles up about a phone call with her dad, Tanner takes her for a walk. Their walks include just the two of them holding hands, roaming the property, talking to the chickens, dancing with the flowers, and sitting at the creek, tossing stones.
We still live in the apartment even though most evenings, at Winnie’s request, are spent at Tanner’s. We bring over pizza, play cards, and take care of the animals. I help hang the clothes on the line and sometimes Tanner even lets me cook for him.
Most nights, Tanner has Winnie on his lap while we sit on the porch, and he talks to her about how sometimes a dad just needstime to be steady before he can step up. He tells her about Ricky, his father, and Dan, his dad.
“Kinda like how he’s my dad and you’re also kinda my dad,” she had said back.
Those words rocked him. I saw it all over his body and his face as his lips puckered before he bit down on his cheek, tears welling in his eyes. He looked up at me for guidance or affirmation and I nodded.
“Yeah,” he said and kissed her head. “Yeah. Kinda like that.”
Tanner and I have decided to take things one challenge at a time. Our focus right now is getting the gardens and farm ready for a soft opening in the spring and put my finance degree to use. Then an engagement after. Then a wedding. Then babies. Then a bigger house, then more babies. But then again, what’s one more surprise baby for a Dorada girl?
Tanner wants five more. Winnie also wants five. I told them I will pop out a couple more and we will go from there. But secretly, I want five too.
Our usual quiet nights are spent laughing and smiling about our future as a family. We lie in the grass below the dizzying vastness of the dark sky, counting stars and losing track. Talking to the moon and waiting for her to talk back. Tonight is no different, other than the extra guests.
The Atwoods are all here, as well as the Auclairs, Gramma Dollie, Winnie’s YMCA friends, and even some of the newer friends from Winnie’s school. The newly renamed Jo Atwood Lower Elementary School.
