“Her partner is already with her,” the woman motions to the little waiting room. “You can wait over there.”
I blink at her and find my feet carrying me over to the lobby. There are few different vinyl seats and small T.V. up in the corner playing a commercial promoting the “Family First” hospital of Marnmouth. Outdated health magazines sit crumpled on the side tables, and I never thought I would feel so akin to a damn Health and Wellness magazine. The flowers from Tanner are clutched in my hands.
I remind myself that Lauren has Rhett. That he has her and it’s okay. It will be okay. I make myself believe it, just so I don’t burst through those doors.
The thought of losing a baby is one thing, but the fear of my sister losing a baby is a suffocating kind of fear. I check the clock, and the secondhand shuffles along in the slowest ticks I have ever seen. Then I check my phone, and Gwen has sent me a photo of Winnie laughing with ice cream all over her face.
Gwen: All is good here. This is probably the funniest kid I have ever met. She keeps calling the balcony a bacon knee and then laughing hysterically.
Gwen: Oh! She said Tanner is your boyfriend and that you make out lol.
Hannah: HA. Tell her to stop telling crazy stories.
Gwen: Well, she said in front of him and he didn’t argue... So…
We were dancing on the brink of something really great. I know that. There wouldn’t be a world in which I was blind enough to pretend like that wasn’t the truth. But where there are truths, there are also bigger truths. The ones that are always lurking in the corner, or over your shoulder. In this case it’s Ethan, who I got an email from last night telling me of his intentions to ask for visitation and asked if we could talk soon. I marked it as unread and haven’t opened the email app since.
“Han.”
I look up and those broad shoulders and concerned brown eyes are standing there in the waiting room entryway.
Instantly, I feel the tears burn my eyes. One moment we are staring at each other, the next we are in each other’s arms. I don’t know who made the move, but it doesn’t matter. Not right now. I lean fully into him knowing if he were to let go, I would probably crumple to the floor right here. His hands rub at my back as he holds me up, as usual.
I pull back after a moment and meet his eyes. “How are you here? What about your stand?”
“My mom is manning it. Luckily, she doesn’t have to keep anything alive. Just accept payments.” He smiles only briefly. “How’s Lauren?”
“I don’t know, she’s bleeding and they wouldn’t let me back?—”
“That’s okay.” He sits us in the closest couch. “She’ll be okay and she’s not alone. She has Rhett.”
Nodding, I look down at my fingers as I wring them together. He’s right, and I know it. But when you spend your whole life taking care of someone else, it’s hard to just hand that job over to someone else. To not be the one on the emergency card. To letsomeone else be that second person with them in the hospital room.
“When did you decide to do a farm stand?” I ask, looking for any distraction he could give me.
“The moment you told me I should. I had always thought about it, but I don’t think I would have tried it if you hadn’t encouraged me to.”
“Your dad said you’re opening the property up?”
He nods. “I’m thinking about opening in the spring and doing a soft launch. See if there’s even any interest.”
“Winnie will probably be the first one there on opening day.”
“The cow is doing well. You can tell her that,” he says softly, throat bobbing. “I hired Taylor and Shelby’s younger brother, Bailey, to help around the place a few days a week. Mayben almost killed me for stealing him from the diner for a few nights.”
My heart aches at the fact that this should be a conversation on the phone in bed. Or over dinner. Or sitting out on his front porch. We shouldn’t be catching up after weeks of no contact. I shouldn’t be relying on wearing his flannel to bed every night to feel close to him.
He folds my hands into one of his and settles my bouncing leg with the other. Typically, it would set me on fire, but right now, the fleeting gesture grounds me.
Faces come and go from the waiting room. Names are called, people are discharged, and hours tick by. Shadows cast along the waiting room walls, each one growing longer and softer as it shifts into evening. My mind is in a sort of spiral that goes between concern for Lauren and the comfort that having Tanner with me brings. We talk about the flowers he wants to plant this fall, and what Winnie’s has been up to at the Y. I don’t bring up going back to Illinois. He doesn’t bring up why he ended things. Neither of us say much of anything. Not really.
The waiting room is mostly empty when the double doors finally open and out comes Rhett.
“Everything should be okay,” he says immediately, and I almost register surprise in his eyes at the sight of Tanner. “The bleeding stopped, and the heartbeat looks strong. They’re going to keep her overnight. She already made me order one of those heartbeat monitor things. They said visitors will be best once we’re home.”
“I will call Gwen and have her pick me up,” I tell him. “I’ll swing by tomorrow when you guys are settled.”
Rhett glances over at Tanner then narrows his eyes back on me. “Alright. Thanks for coming with us. It meant a lot to Laur to know you were here.”
