“My brothers never seem to appreciate any of the effort I put in. Rhett and my mom had each other. My dad and Jackie were always close. Even my high school boyfriend, when it came down to it, up and left for school and hasn’t looked back since.”
“How long were you two together?”
“All four years.” She shakes her head. “Patrick Fields. He moved here freshman year and we were inseparable. I’m sure his mom was happy when I didn’t make it into Wisconsin like he did. He ended things pretty quickly after he went to school.”
“Have you two talked since he left?”
“Only when my mom died. I do see his mom around town sometimes. I think I’ve seen her do the sign of the cross at the sight of me.”
We order mimosas that are served in those big plastic containers you would be served pasta salad in at the deli counter. They’re filled with ice and topped with fruit and Gwen pays for them both.
We find an open picnic table and sit across from each other, and for the first time, I see this girl, a girl which every room spins around, not have it all. Her million-watt smile is a sad forced grin. Her bright captivating eyes are flickering at her chewed off nails.
“Sorry. I’m not making you feel better.” She laughs.
“Not really. But it feels good to be seen. Maybe that’s more important sometimes. To be seen, not fixed.”
Gwen pops her head up and looks at me with a curious smile. “I like that. Let’s drink to being seen and not being fixed. Being lonely together.”
“Now that is something I will absolutely drink to.”
Our cups nearly crack on impact which causes us both to laugh.
“I don’t get it,” I tell her. “Everyone loves you.”
She shrugs and sips her drink. “They think they love me. But I’ve just manipulated them into loving me.”
“Hannah?” My name pierces through the crowd. It’s Lauren. She’s panicked.
I whip my head around until I see her approaching, the greens of her eyes non-existent as the pupils fill almost every inch in fear.
“What’s wrong?” I leap up and rush to her.
“I’m bleeding.”
40
“Go. We have Winnie,” Gwen says. “We’ll distract her and take her back to the apartment.”
I don’t even hesitate to throw her my lanyard.
“Rhett is getting my car,” Lauren says as we approach Mayben and Jackie who are sitting with Winnie at a picnic table. All sipping ginger ales.
“We have her.” Gwen squeezes my arm. “I promise.”
I look around like I am looking for something, and I’m not even sure for what exactly until I meet his eyes, and they soften instantly.
“There’s Rhett,” Lauren says, and I turn away from Tanner’s gaze and follow her down past the cones blocking traffic and fly into the car
“Are you cramping?” I ask her.
“I don’t know. I thought maybe, but I also thought I just wasn’t feeling good. I never feel good.”
Rhett reaches over and takes her hand, and we sit in silence all the way to the hospital. Once in the door, the nurses have Lauren in a wheelchair, and Rhett is at her side as they wheel her to the back.
“Direct family members only,” the woman at the front desk barks at me when I go to follow. “You can see her once she’s in a room but?—"
“That’s my sister‚” I tell her.
