“Why don't you come sit on my lap instead, big boy?” Zeke taunts, and I can't help but laugh as I try to ping-pong my gaze between them and the road.
“See? That statement right there is why we all question your sexuality,” Ezra points out.
“What's there to question? A hole is a hole. I'm not choosey.”
“Isn't that right, Alex?” Chris chuckles.
“Oh, fuck off!” Alex yells back.
“Alright. All of you, shut the hell up and let Ashia sleep,” I say back to them and turn back to the road for the final time.
We’re far away enough now that there’s nothing but trees and pavement. While it’s a nice ride, I need to make sure a deer doesn’t jut out in front of us. The last thing I need is my mom up my ass for ruining her van. It feels weird driving this thing around like we’re a bunch of soccer dads about to sneak beer into the banquet, but Ash had a good point when it came to being inconspicuous.
Zeke reaches forward and grabs the water bottle and bag of grapes from her sleeping hands. She doesn’t even twitch as he pulls it away. We’ve all noticed how exhausted she’s been, but Alex said it was clear tonight that she’s at her breaking point. She looked like a wreck when she got in the van. I’m just glad she’s getting some rest now. We’ve been trying to take care of her, but I swear she’s just as stubborn as Damien is when it comes to their own well-being.
“How much did she eat?” I ask him.
“Enough for now. I think we should let her sleep as long as we can. I don't have anything to check her vitals with, but I knowher blood pressure was up before we left,” Zeke replies, and I leave it at that. The three of us have been talking for a few days now about making her take a step back. I'm glad Zeke convinced her to somehow. We knew she would put up a fight, but it's necessary. Not only for her and the baby, but for us as well.
We’ll be able to move a little more freely while she’s sitting out—that may sound terrible, but it’s the truth. We’ve been so cautious about how to handle things and where to go because of her pregnancy that it’ll be nice to justdoit. I’m sure all Zeke needs is a wave of a green flag, and he’ll run headfirst into battle. He’s been so enraptured with taking care of Ash that I know he’s dying to blow off some real steam. Before D went missing, I really thought we were going to have to chain Zeke up to keep him from going ballistic. But now, maybe it’s time to let the bear out of his cage.
I’m still looking into Sahara, and while I’m almost positive that Kade is clean, I can’t say so much for the others. I haven’t found anything concrete, so it’s not like I have anything to report, but as soon as I can, I’m going to have a serious discussion with Kade about what really happened before they came here.
“Okay, so what's next?” Ezra asks, and I meet his gaze in the rearview mirror.
“Nothing yet. We're going to take Ash home, let Alex get back to spend some time with Trina, and then we'll regroup tomorrow once the analysis on these devices comes back.” The van turns silent again, and for these assholes, that's concerning. We all feel disappointed. Damien means so much to us all, and I know the rest of the guys miss him as much as we do. Things just aren’t the same without him. He’s the heart and soul of what we do. The Attic is empty without him—especially after seeing him so happy these past few months.
It was exciting to see him finally get the life he wanted. After all of his ‘love is bullshit’ talk for years, he found Ash, and it was like he was finally complete. Before we realized how dangerous of a threat we were actually dealing with, things just flowed smoothly. I kind of miss those days. It was easier when it was just our guys, and the things we were handling seem so miniscule compared to now. As I continue to drive quietly, I can't help but let the memories collide with the present. The past few years fly through my mind as quickly as the trees around us, and only one thing comes to the top.
I miss Henry.
He would know what to do, or exactly what to say. If he were here for all of this bullshit, we probably would’ve found Damien weeks ago. Damien and Henry used to work so well together that sometimes, they didn’t even need to speak. They used to be on such a similar wavelength that we could hardly tell the difference between commands. Losing him was the first of many changes, but his death definitely hit us the hardest. Now that Damien is gone, it's stirring it all back up, and I know the rest of the team can feel it. Even Zeke has mentioned him a few times recently, and that’s shocking for him.
“We're going to get D back, right?” Chris asks in a solemn tone, breaking my train of thought.
“Of course we are. What kind of fucking question is that?” Zeke angrily asks.
“I just… It doesn't seem like we have much to go off of. You guys have been searching for him for weeks. What if—”
“We may not have much, but we don't let that stop us either,” Alex retorts irritably. “We get D back. No matter what. Got it?”
“Got it,” Chris replies without hesitation and sulks in the chair. I hate how he doesn’t look convinced. His gaze drifts to the window, and as he looks outside with a blank stare, I know he’s as deep in thought as we are.
“Ezra? You cool with helping the three of us out for a while?” I look in the rearview again to meet his stare.
“Yeah, man. Whatever you guys need.”
“I can help, too,” Chris speaks up and turns his attention forward once more, but before I can answer him, Zeke chimes in.
“No, fuck you. You’re grounded. No more big-boy missions for you.”
“What?! Why the hell not?!” Chris argues.
“What do you mean why? ‘We’re going to get Damien back, right?’” Zeke mocks him in a high-pitched voice as he tilts his head from side to side. Laughter charges up my throat and I almost lose it. “Doubters don’t get special missions.”
“Oh, fuck you, Zeke.”
“Bend over, half-sack,” he retorts back.
