“Jesus Christ, enough,” I interject and look at Ezra again. Zeke just chuckles, and Chris looks like he’s actually pouting. He better hide that expression before Zeke twists it to his advantage. “Ash is going to take a step back and focus on the baby. So, I'm probably going to appoint you to her detail every few days. You’ll need to stay by her side at all times until one of us relieves you. She doesn't need to let this overwhelm her anymore,” I direct at Ezra again.
“Yeah. You got it.” He nods his head and relaxes against the seat, giving into Daisy’s presence. It seems that even she is sick of his shit, though, because she scoots a little closer to Chris before she lies down.
My phone buzzes in the middle console, and I can't help but groan when I see Serena’s name light up the screen. She’s so frustrating. I’ve never felt such conflicting emotions just by reading someone’s name. On one hand, I don’t want her to talk at all. I’m sick of arguing with her, and I’m tired of her pretending like if she talks enough about random topics, it’ll somehow fix us without actually discussing anything.
On the other hand, Iwantto hear her speak. I want to hear that rare occasion when her voice gets soft, and I want to feel the pins and needles I get when she teases me. When she talks with that little edge in her voice, it makes me so fucking hard. That attitude of hers is going to get her into serious trouble one day, and I’m not sure if I should spank her or gag her when it does. I could do both, but I know that’s more of a kink for her than a punishment, so I should really start thinking of other ideas.
Reluctantly, I bring the phone up to my ear and speak quietly.
“What's up, Ser?”
“Hey. I'm sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to check on Ash. She hasn’t been answering her phone.” Her voice comes through soft and sweet, as if she had just woken up. It isreallylate, so I'm assuming she dozed off.
“Oh, she's asleep,” I answer her. “You might want to check her out when we get back, though. Zeke said that he could tell her vitals were elevated again.”
“Okay, I'll be ready for her. I talked to her doctor earlier, and when we go back in for her next appointment, she's going to prescribe her some medication to help, too. How did it go?” she asks curiously, but hesitantly, like she's afraid to talk to me. We're both in this weird space where we can’t justbearound each other. I either want to hold her, strangle her, or fuck her at all times. Sometimes, all of the above, but I don't know how she feels anymore. Occasionally, she'll still look at me with adoring eyes and say something nice before flipping her bitch-switch to ‘on.’
I don't want to tell her anything that would spook her. The last time she heard that Ash killed someone in a fit of rage, she ghosted us. Ishouldn'tgive a single fuck if she vanishes again or not, but the thought bothers me more than I expected it to. She can’t get away so easily. I haven’t heard her beg for forgiveness while she’s on her knees, and I haven’t forced her to chant myname when she’s too overstimulated to speak clearly. Would she really think it would be that easy again? Does she think she could walk away from me a second time?
I'll never let her.
“Not like we had hoped.” I keep it vague, not quite ready to test the theory. I glance back in the rearview mirror, catching Zeke’s gaze, and his devilish smirk tells me everything I need to know. He understandsexactlywhat’s going through my head right now, and as I narrow my eyes to warn him about minding his own damn business, his grin only deepens. I never wanted to hit him until his ‘is that an invitation’ remark.
“Are…” She pauses, and when I think I hear her sniffle, I grip the steering wheel a little tighter. I force my gaze back on the road and put all my focus on her. Maybe she didn't just wake up. What are the chances she's been awake this entire time, thinking ofme?Don't be stupid.“Are you okay?”
Jesus Christ, she still has me completely tangled in her webs. She makes that one little noise, and what? I go back to being the lost little puppy that would've followed her anywhere?
“I keep telling you that I'm fine, Serena,” I say quietly, knowing that the others are listening.
“I know you keep saying that, but I'm worried about you, Carter. You're working way too hard,” she says sweetly, like she's actually concerned and not just trying to lure me back in. I should be smarter than this. Just when I thought I was starting to reinforce the wall I’ve built to block her out, she starts to chip it away with no effort at all.
“Says the nurse working eighty-hour weeks,” I retort playfully, but she obviously doesn’t take it that way. She huffs like the comment immediately annoys her.
“Hey, I'm still on leave, fuck you very much.”
Aaannnddd there's that attitude.
“Okay. Great talk.” Before I can pull my phone away, she sighs.
“Carter, come on. I'm sorry. I just…” She pauses again, and I remain the sucker that waits. “I want to make sure you're alright, too, and you're not giving me much to work with. I get that I messed up, but…” Her voice fades to whisper so soft now that I can barely hear it.
I soak in her sudden silence, feeling like a complete asshole when I know I shouldn’t. How does she do that? I've never met anyone who could snap my strength like a twig. No one has been able to make me feel as bad as she does.She'sthe one that ran the moment things felt real. It washerthat pretended like what we had didn't matter, but nowshe'ssad? God, I'm a sap. She has me looking in so many directions, and somehow, she's in all of them at once. She’s my house of mirrors, and she’ll continue to taunt me until I either find my way out or accept my fate in limbo.
“We'll talk later, okay? You're still at the Attic, right?” I break.
“Yeah, I'm in the Bat Cave.”
She is? She's in my office? Out of all the places in that big ass building, she chose to relax inmydomain?Fuck me.
“Alright, we'll pick you up in about three hours. If Ash wakes up, I'll tell her to call you and tell you what’s going on.” I keep it vague once again.
“Okay. Thanks, Carter,” she says in that soft voice again, and I have to hang up before I give in completely.
Chapter 36
Damien
Five Days Later
