His eyebrows skyrocket, and Hunter drags a hand through his short blond hair—one of the key markers that help distinguish us from afar. “You’re not going to deny it?”
“Look, I haven’t told Mom and Dad ye?—”
“What the fuck is the matter with you? I thought you were supposed to visit Duke this month. You know,your dream school that already offered you a spot, but now you’ve just quit?” he asks, his normally calm exterior slipping under the weight of this surprise.
I never responded to the head coach’s email telling me to pick any day I wanted.
Technically, I should have committed last spring, but I knew if I picked a school, it’d be overshadowed by Dad’s looming retirement, Mirabelle graduating from Duke, and JJ graduating from high school.
I don’t think it’s wrong to want a day to be about me. Selfish—for sure—but wrong?No.
I had a couple of different offers from Division I soccer programs, and I know it’d be stupid to pick somewhere other than Duke. Their program is the best, and some of my teammates who graduated last year play for the Blue Devils. They’ve had nothing but great things to say about the coaching staff and the facilities.And Kaitlyn’s planning to go to Duke.
It’s where everyone in my family has gone before JJ detoured by choosing Beaumont University in California. I know it’s the one way I could ever measure up in the same way my brothers have, but I’m forever stuck in their shadows, haunted by a choice I made as a kid to play soccer instead of football.
“What’s the point?”
Hunter blinks, staring at me. “What’s the point?You love soccer, B,” he says, and I do love it, but I also hate loving it at the same time. I hate loving something that makes me different.
“Just drop it, okay?” I say, trying not to think about the gaping wound that’s been left in my chest after I walked out of my coach’s office yesterday afternoon, giving back my jersey and team-issued gear.
“Is this because we moved here? I’m trying to give you space, but if you weren’t fine with changing schools, you should have said something instead of quitting soccer.”
While I do miss my old friends, we’ve still been staying in touch when I log on to game with them.
My head hurts too much to go in circles with him about this right now. I haven’t been sleeping well, spending more nights out on the roof staring at the stars and the moon, hoping they’ll give me the answers I’m desperate for, than sleeping in my bed.
“It’s not that,” I answer vaguely, and I can tell it’s pissing himoff.
He pinches the bridge of his nose like our dad does when he’s trying not to yell, exhaling a sharp breath. “Then what is it?”
The truth burns in my throat as the memory of breathing in smoke and the heat of the fire paralyzes me. I can’t tell him. He’d try, but he won’t be able to understand. Hunter’s careful and deliberate with every choice he makes, and he’d never make the same mistakes I have.
I clamp my jaw shut, shaking my head.
“God, Bailey. Why do you have to make everything so difficult all the time?” he asks, disappointment visibly creeping into his features before he turns to walk out of my room.
The silence echoes louder around me than words ever could.
I was quiet the entire car ride to Charlotte for the Puppy Bowl, but no one’s noticed except Kaitlyn. She wasn’t even trying to be subtle when she’d look around Hunter to stare at me. The text from her a little while ago asked if I was okay, but I only responded with a simple yes.
Hunter and I haven’t spoken much in a couple of days. He’s mad because I won’t tell him why I quit soccer. My parents haven’t noticed, but it’s not like that’s anything I’m not used to. I know they love me, but I also know their three other kids are easier to love than I am.
I asked them if I had to come today, and I was given the usual answer of wealwayshave to be there for each other. Only, no Walker has been there for me lately.
Today, their attention is occupied by Mira and Henry’s change in relationship status.
I’ve had a couple of days to think since my parents’ lies, and it feels like I’m just getting angrier and angrier at them. Ihate Dad for keeping me from a sibling I could actually relate to, and I hate how he’s been lying my entire life after all the preaching he does about honesty.
It’s a bunch of fucking bullshit.
I know it’s not her fault, but I’m mad at Mirabelle too. Sure, we don’t always get along, but she’s still my sister. It hurts knowing she’s been talking to Hunter and JJ but not to me. It’s like she’s moved on to bigger and better things, and I’m not included.
Hunter and Kaitlyn have been talking quietly about the football game last night. Kait decided this year she was going to join the cheerleading squad, which means she gets to spend more time with Hunter than with me.
She’s Hunter’s best friend, but she’s also mine.
I’m not sure when I decided I loved her, or if it was even a decision I made. It just kind of happened that way.
