“Marsha is keeping an eye on them,” she assures me. “They’re in their quarters, trust me. I just... I needed to speak with you alone for a bit, that’s all.”
I eye her for a long moment. If she thinks she is going to be able to spin the same shit she did to me the other day, then she has another thing coming. I’m not going to ease up on security, I’m not going to let her or the children out of the house, where I can’t keep a close eye on them. As far as I’m concerned, they are right where they need to be, and I’m not going to allow them to put themselves at risk going out into the world like that.
“About what?”
She draws in a deep, shaky breath, her hands twiddling at her sides. “I... I’m pregnant.”
For a beat of silence, we both just stand there, trying to make sense of it, of the enormity of what she has just said to me.
“You’re what?”
“I’m pregnant again, Alexei,” she explains softly. “I took a couple of tests yesterday, and I’m sure of it. I need to get to a doctor to confirm it and figure out how far along I’m, but I know it’s true. I know this is happening. And I know it’s yours.”
My muscles are rigid with tension as I wrap my head around it, the enormity of what she is saying to me.Pregnant. My gaze flicks down to her belly. It’s the first time a woman has come to me to tell me they are with child before I couldn’t tell at a glance myself.
I let out a deep breath. “You found out yesterday?”
She nods.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Jesus, Alexei, I needed a second to figure out how I felt about it before I came to you,” she protests.
I lift my chin. “And what exactly do you feel about it?”
“I...” She looks down at her belly, her teeth digging into her bottom lip. “I want to keep them, Alexei. Even if you don’t want to…”
“I do.”
I don’t even have to think about it. The moment I laid eyes on Nina, something in me had shifted, something accepting that I was no longer a father to a single child any longer but that there were more I needed to step up and look out for. Another child makes sense to me; a wider family, more siblings for Max.
She lets out a long breath. “That’s what I was worried about.”
Anger flashes through me. What does she mean, that’s what she was worried about? Worried that I was going to want to be part of their lives? Isn’t that what she wants? She told me that I was a good father to Max, has she changed her mind on that now there is a baby in the picture?
“Why?” I demand, taking a step towards her. “You think I can’t take care of this child?”
She sighs, running a hand through her hair, and shakes her head. “It’s not that,” she admits. “It’s that... that I think you’re going to take care of this kid in the same way you have Nina and Max. And I don’t want to raise my child in this prison.”
“Prison? Cara, I’m trying to keep you safe.”
I know you are,” she replies softly. “I know you are, Alexei. But you have to understand, if you cut these kids off from the world, they’re never going to know how to handle themselves as they start to grow up. I mean, how do you think they’re going to get through college, if they haven’t even stepped foot outside of this place? If they’ve hardly attended school, or met people their own age, or experienced any kind of life.”
“I’ll have security on them in college,” I reply. “If they decide to go.”
“No, that’s what I’m talking about,” she implores me. “You just can’t see it, can you? If you force them to live under your thumb?—”
“I’m not forcing them to do anything. If they think they can handle life when they get to that age, then they can leave. I’m not going to stop them.”
“And you think they’ll have any idea of what to do with themselves when they get out into the real world if you keep them like this?” she protests. “This is all they’re going to have known, of course this is going to seem normal to them. I–I know how it feels, being raised like that, how hard it is to shake that off and live a normal life. I always promised myself I would never let my kids live the same way.”
“This isn’t the same as your childhood,” I remind her, trying to keep my voice steady, though the emotion threatens to rise up and out of me before I can stop it. “Can’t you see that? I know that you want to look out for them, but this world, it’s not kind to people like them-”
“I know,” she murmurs, dropping her chin to her chest. “But it doesn’t matter to me what the reason behind it is. I know how it feels, what it’s like to live like you have no existence outside your home, like that’s the only thing that matters...”
“Isn’t family the most important thing?” I argue. “I should just take my hands off the wheel, let anything happen to my kids?”
“That’s not what I’m saying and you know it,” she retorts. “I’m just saying that I want to give them a chance to live something closer to a normal life than the one they have now. And you don’t seem willing to even consider that.”
