“But your parents —” I had never pushed Cole like this before, and I wasn’t even sure I was doing it right.
“They already know I’m a disappointment,” Cole said to a spot on the ceiling. “Once I got suspended the first time, I knew it was over. I really don’t give a fuck.”
“Are you sure?” I asked. “Because you kinda sound like you do.”
“Do you need me to prove to you how wrong you are? Because I can definitely do that.” He rolled onto his belly once more, this time in my direction, landing between my knees. He pressed his lips against my thigh, then worked his way upward, dragging his mouth along my belly, my chest, my throat, until he was sliding his tongue into my mouth, his hands braced on either sideof my shoulders. Finally, he pulled back just enough to study my face. “See? I’m totally fine.”
“Cole—”
“I think we should have sex.”
“Wait —what?” I scrambled backwards on my elbows, putting distance between us so that I could see him fully. He sat back hard on his heels as if he’d been stung. “You mean — right now?”
“No, I meant we should talk about it — that is,unless—” He cocked an eyebrow at me, and I shook my head, frowning.
“I thought we were already having sex.”
Cole chewed on his lip, staring down at his hands. “You know what I mean.”
“Oh.” I couldn’t deny that I had been thinking about it. “Which one of us would, um — I mean —”
“Would what?” Cole raised an eyebrow at me.
“Bottom,” I whispered.
“Oh, me! I mean, I thought that was obvious —” He took a shuddering breath, tucking his hair behind his ears with both hands, then fixed his eyes on me. “Ezra, I want you to fuck me. I’ve been wanting it — I dunno, for a while.”
“O-o-o-kay.” I drew the syllables out, shifting to my knees so that I could mirror him, my heart pounding in my ears.
“But I mean, if you don’t want to —” Cole blinked hard, glancing into the corner of the room.
“No, that’s not it at all! I do, I really do. You just —” I reached out and took his hand, and he gave me a ghost of a smile. “— I dunno, you just surprised me. It sort of came out of nowhere.”
“Sorry, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, and it just popped out.”
“That’s okay.” I ran my thumb over his knuckles. “You haven’t — before?”
“No, I haven’t. But hey, I’ve been experimenting a bit —” Blushing furiously, he reached across the bed and opened the drawer of his bedside table. I caught just a glimpse of a long purple object before he slammed it shut again. “And I like it? But I think it would be better with you.”
“Where did you getthat?” I couldn’t help giggling, the sound a little shrill, breaking the tension in the room.
“Unlimited credit card and no parental supervision,” Cole laughed, tackling me backwards onto the bed and pressing kiss after kiss against my cheek. “You had me worried I melted your brain for a minute there.”
“You fuckingdid—” I gasped, trying to grab onto his face to slow him down. “Fuck, I’m still shaking.”
Cole smoothed my hair off my forehead, then kissed me on the nose. “Can we just make out and forget I said anything?”
God, justlookingat him made me stupid. “Yeah, Ithink that can be arranged.”
As I rolled him onto his back, tucking myself between his knees and fitting my mouth over his, I knew that there was probably something I should be doing, something I should be examining more closely. But when Cole was pressed against me, it was really hard to remember exactly why I should care.
***
“Hey, where are you running off to so fast?”
I stopped with my hand on the back doorknob, turning to face Dad at the table. “I’m just heading up the hill to see Cole.”
He sat back from his plate of eggs, looking me up and down. It was Sunday morning, the only day of the week that he took off to lounge around at home, and the kitchen radio was blaring some sort of talk show. “You spend a lot of time with that boy.”
