“He’s my best friend?” I shrugged. “I dunno.”
Dad studied me for a long time. Finally, he sighed, hunching over his plate once more. “It’s nice to see you branching out and not rattling around by yourself all the time. But hey, if Sharon asks you for help with anything while you’re in that house, you do it for her, okay? You’re up there so much that I think you should probably be paying rent.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, Dad.”
It had been a little over a week since Cole and I had talked about sex, but nothing new had happened yet. We’d spent nearly every afternoon together, and I could tell it was on both of our minds, but neither of us had brought it up again, even though we couldn’t keep our hands off each other whenever we were alone.
Last night, we’d made plans to ride our bikes over the bridge and sit on the beach for a few hours. Sandy Hook was still closed after the storm, but some of the beaches on the way toward Sea Bright were open. And I’d been craving some peace and quiet in front of the waves, even though it was still much too cold to swim, and Cole seemed game to go with me. But he hadn’t answered any of my texts or calls this morning, and I figured maybe he was sleeping in.
When I knocked on the door, Sharon answered it. “Cole hasn’t come down yet, dear,” she said, resting her hand on my arm. “But you’re more than welcome to go up and check on him.”
I took the stairs much faster than my usual sedate pace, and when I reached the top, I was a little winded. I strode down the hall and knocked. “Cole?”
“Come in.”
His voice sounded a little off, and when I stepped into the room, he was curled up in bed, the coverlet pulled up to his shoulders.
“Oh, hey — sorry, I just can’t seem to get myself out of bed this morning. You can come join me if you want,though.”
I crossed the room, kicking off my shoes before sliding under the covers with him. Cole didn’t really look like he was just waking up. He was fully dressed in baggy jeans and a thick pullover hoodie, and his phone was lying next to him on the pillow. But I curled up behind him, draping my arm around his waist to pull him close and burying my face against the nape of his neck.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, it’s just — it’s nothing.” Cole took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “Just my weekly call from home. It’s not a big deal.”
I squeezed him a little harder. “Do you want to tell me what they said?”
“Not really.”
“I can go, if you want. We don’t have to go to the beach today if you’re not feeling up to it.”
“No,pleasestay —” Cole gripped my arm, but after a moment he relaxed. “I mean — just give me a few minutes. Then I’ll get up and we can go.”
We both lapsed into silence. It was peaceful in Cole’s house, just the occasional sound of footsteps below us, the whistle of a teakettle, the backdoor opening and shutting as Sharon went outside to check on the garden. Cole’s window was open, and there was a soft breeze blowing into the room, bringing with it the freshness of spring, just a hint of ocean salt. Outside,neighbors were mowing their lawns, walking past the house with their dogs, exchanging occasional pleasantries, enjoying the new day.
I could feel every one of Cole’s breaths, deep and even, each intake of air filling his diaphragm and lifting my arm before easing out into the room. It was warm, holding him against me, and I wasn’t sure I had ever felt at once so relaxed and socharged, as if I could see the molecules of air that left his lungs, as if I could feel his cells working to keep him alive. I had never been so aware of another person, and it scared me a little, the ride up into the sky before the drop, the entire world tilting below me.
“Hey, Cole?” I whispered.
“Yeah?” he replied, faraway and a little drowsy.
“I love you.”
“What?” The languid atmosphere in the room evaporated as he turned, rolling partway onto his back and craning his neck to look at me.
“Um —” I didn’t know why I had blurted it out. Now that he was looking at me with his eyes wide and startled, it felt like I had done the wrong thing. But he had seemed so sad, so alone — and it was true, I was realizing as I stared at him. It had been coming on for so long that I hadn’t even thought to name it. So many words building up inside me, so many things I would never manage to say.
Then his face softened, sunshine emerging frombehind a cloud. “You crazy bastard, I love you too.”
“Really?” I ran my hand up his chest, along the line of his throat and into his hair as I cradled his face.
“Sofuckingmuch —” he whispered back, and launched himself into my arms.
We eventually made it to the beach that day, but it was much later than either of us had planned.
***
“Hey, I just have to take care of something here for a little bit, and then I’ll come down and let myself in, okay?” Cole was standing on the sidewalk in front of his grandmother’s house, holding onto the handlebars of his bike as he peered down into my face.
