“You seemed to have made a breakthrough. How are you feeling?”
“I fucking hate crying. Why did you do this to me?” I grumble. My cheeks are wet, and my eyelashes feel heavy. At least I don’t wear makeup or anything because that would be gone by now.
Ben laughs. “You know I didn’t do anything. Therapy is all about giving you the tools to do it yourself. I’m only the facilitator.”
“I didn’t think it was so deep.” I toss the tissues in the garbage by the end of the couch.
“How do you mean?” he asks.
“I thought it was simple, that I wasn’t looking for a relationship and Cari was, and it was over. But it was way more fucking complicated than that, apparently.”
“The subconscious plays a large role in things, but especially relationships. That’s why I asked if it was possible your closure with Chelsea had affected anything else,” Ben explains.
“But you’re not saying to go back to Cari?” That was the only part that confused me. Had I been wrong for ending things?
“I’m not saying anything. If you’re content with your life now, then I would advise leaving things as they are. But should in the future you meet someone, I’d ask you to consider staying with them even if it scares you.”
“What if it seems like they’re going to leave?” I ask.
“Let me ask you something. When Chelsea left you was that something you survived?”
“Well, yeah.” I furrow my brows at him.
“So why wouldn’t you survive someone else leaving you? Are they somehow the ones keeping you together?”
“Well, no.” I frown.
“So, leaving or being left. Either way is something you can get through. Maybe next time you’ll be able to be honest with your partner, or at least see how things can be without leaving anyone first?” he suggests.
“Maybe.”
“I’ll take it! Now I do have a client coming next, but I’m happy to pick this up next week.” Ben smiles.
“Thanks, Ben.” I gather my things and take a deep breath before leaving.
I skip my normal routine of grabbing coffee and breakfast. A little because I am worried I’ll run into Ava at the café, but a little because I feel like going home. I just want to be alone with my thoughts for a bit, and I can make coffee at home for once. Therapy has taken a lot out of me, and I just want to soak up what happened. Sometimes it is easier to leave therapy at the office, on the couch with Ben. But sometimes, like today, it is better to marinate in it.
Chapter Nineteen
CARI
Finding my dream job came unexpectedly. I was at River and Aspen’s a few weeks after New Year’s Eve with Gus and Emily, all of us being able to hang out casually now. I knew Emily wasn’t my biggest fan, but at least she was giving me a chance. I’d prove her wrong eventually, but until then, I could deal with the suspicion. At least I was getting the chance to hang out with them. But I’d been talking about possibly getting into public relations or social media on a not-so-personal level when Gus spoke up.
“Would you consider being an assistant to someone in fashion?” They had asked.
“Uh, yes? I’m willing to pay my dues. I have a marketing degree, but not much else,” I had admitted.
“My friend Kenzie models for this clothing line, crap, I forget the name. But the designer is looking for an assistant. I don’t know exactly what they’re looking for, but let me send you the application,” Gus had explained.
“C! That could be so great for you! I could totally see you being like you’re in The Devil Wears Prada!” River had said excitedly.
After submitting an application, acing the interview, and undergoing a background check, Ellie hired me. Lucky’s was a clothing line she had started when she was tired of plus-size clothing looking like oversized tablecloths, stuff you’d find at a flea market, and covered in floral patterns. I’d been wearing her clothes for years, and I didn’t even know it. She made clothes that made plus-size women look like baddies and not make clothing shopping stressful as hell.
One of my favorite things was her website having actual plus-size models in a variety of sizes wearing the clothes so you didn’t have to guess how they’d look on people with curves and rolls. Plus, they had inclusive sizes up to 6XL and a place to enter your measurements to see which size would be best for you. Once I found out Ellie was the owner, all I wanted to do was get this job. When she called to offer me the position, I actually squealed with joy, thinking I had put the phone on mute. Thankfully, Ellie had laughed and welcomed the enthusiasm.
Part of why I was so excited to work with Ellie was knowing I wouldn’t be sitting in an office all day. She explicitly said we’d be on the streets of New York City more than in her office. I was going to be answering calls on the go, grabbing fabric swatches, and meeting models for photo shoots and fashion shows. She liked the flexibility of working in an office while also being able to work from anywhere, and wanted someone who could handle whatever was thrown at her. I had admitted that while my main focus used to be my own Instagram account, I was happy to put my all into helping her build her own brand.
Her brand’s Instagram needed a revival. It had been following old trends, posting too much, and not engaging with anyone. It was one of the things I mentioned at my interview, along with several points on how to bring it back to life. I had a much more extensive plan, but I wanted to make sure I got the job before giving it all away.
