I possessed something many people—maybe even Maura—wanted, and I didn’t. I’d apologized to Fear for being ungrateful when he had helped me with the enchantments. But I didn’tthink I was being ungrateful in struggling with fate. “So. Any suggestions on how to handle Fear in a difficult conversation?”
She scoffed. “You’ve seen me botch a difficult conversation with Fear.”
“There was no way to make that conversation better. He had almost lost the chance to bring back Lightbringer.”
She seemed to be choosing her words carefully, and then because it was Maura, she gave up. “I am trying to be your mentor and to not treat you as if you’re a stupid little mortal girl.”
Clearly a struggle. I raised my eyebrows and beckoned for her to continue.
“But I do think—in this particular instance—you are being a stupid little mortal girl, not seeing how much he cares about you. Not Lightbringer.You.”
The words knocked me breathless. I paced again, disappointed by the size of Maura’s room. She watched me with a look that suggested I was testing her patience while I worked through my feelings.
I collapsed onto the chair opposite her bed. “The two of us are tied together. How can I ever trust that he actually loves me?”
“By not being stupid.” Maura delivered that verdict swiftly, as if she had been waiting for the opportunity to question my intelligence. “Lightbringer hasn’t let you manifest her powers yet. If she never does, do you think Fear is just going to abandon you somewhere? Send you back to Stonehaven and move on?”
I could not imagine Fear leaving me behind.
“Because he can’t love another either,” I reminded us both. “He is as trapped as I am. He went into it knowingly, and he sacrificed himself for the rebellion. He lost his chance of finding someone that he might’ve loved on his own.”
Maura gave me a look in lieu of calling me stupid again, but the look did the same work quite effectively. “Maybe it wasn’t a sacrifice for him. Have you thought of that?”
For a moment, I wasn’t sure what to do with that thought. Then I found more solid ground. I needed her help for the plan I’d been slowly mulling. “I need your help with a gift.”
Maura sighed, but she looked for her bookmark. “You are going to make me earn this, aren’t you, mortal?”
I sought out Fear afterward. The common room was empty except for three Obsidian shifters grouped in the corner, debriefing after sealing a rip; they glanced up at me from where they sat by the enormous fireplace, the flames reflected on their faces, and I hurried up the stairs. I still wasn’t sure about Obsidian.
But as I was going up, I caught Maura stepping back. She had been watching from the shadows. She gave me a disgusted look, as if she were offended I had caught her being dedicated to my well-being, but she lingered until I went in the door of my room.
Fear looked up when I came in; he was at the desk, writing a letter. His gaze brightened when he saw me.
Could that be a lie? Could someone fake that flash of happiness?
“And here I was wondering how long you would avoid me. But which conversation are you avoiding?” He nudged the second chair in the room toward me with his foot and turned, giving me his full attention.Lucky me.
I rested my hands on the back of the chair. “Don’t be difficult.”
“Oh, I think you earned difficult today, Cara.”
I was in no mood for his cool amusement after what he had offered me. The entire situation with Maura seemed unimportant with Shadowbane’s ghost rising over us both. “I understand what breaking the bond would mean to you. How it would hurt you.”
He waited. Of course he did. What else was there to say? He had told me that he owed it to me, and perhaps he did. Even if he was willing to pay that cost, I could not imagine taking it from him.
“Do you really believe I could do that to you?”
“Losing Shadowbane seems far less severe than losing my life.” He said it with his signature combination of light amusement and lack of mercy. Then he sobered, meeting my gaze. “And it is what I promised you, Cara. I tricked you into being by my side for eternity. That is…vile. Let our rebellion do its work, and then be free.”
“By then I might not want to be free.”
“You might not,” he agreed gently. “But you did not choose me, and you did not choose to be queen. I think, because I wanted these things so much, I thought it would be all right to force them on you.”
He leaned back, pensive. “I thought you would come to love me, and you would be glad of the power and of the throne, just as I have seen you come to love Bismyth. That doesn’t change what I did. I want to make it right, no matter the cost.”
I wasn’t ready to promise him a future as mates.
I wasn’t ready to reject it either.
