Maybe she shouldn’t trust me. Maybe the truth was that once I had the chance to be king, I would refuse to surrender my power.
Giving up Shadowbane would break me. That I did not doubt. He had been the cure to my loneliness, the one friend who was always with me.
“The one stuck with you,”Shadowbane rumbled into my mind. And then, more gently,“And I’ve been glad for it.”
But I would survive being broken. I had broken Cara, too, broken her so badly that she had lashed out at me with a knife in her hand. She had no reason to trust me.
I wanted to give her one now. Anayla and Asrael understood the rules of our world. If I vowed in front of them that I would break the bond with her one day if she wanted to be freed, they would never let a lie stand.
“There’s a way to break the bond once the rebellion has done its work and the queen is off her cruel throne,” I told her. “I’m not going to pretend that I wasn’t deceiving you then. But there is a way, and breaking the bond is what I owe you.”
Anayla threw a worried look at Asrael. Az was too focused on frowning at me to share it.
I tried to meet Cara’s gaze, but she was pink-cheeked and staring at the table as if the wood grain was the most fascinating thing she’d seen in all her life. “I will do my best not to lie to you again, Cara, and I will do my best to make this promise not a lie either.”
“Fear,” Asrael warned, raising a hand to stop me. “Think carefully if you want to make this vow.”
Cara’s lips parted and her gaze finally rose to meet mine. “What is it?” There was something careful in her voice. “There’ssomething you don’t want to tell me. What does it cost to break the bond?”
Well. I couldn’t lie to her as I had intended for her sake, not in front of Asrael and Anayla.
“Lying to her was always foolish,”Shadowbane said.“She can know and still choose freely.”
“Shadowbane.” His name was heavy on my tongue. “He is willing to return to the Dreaming. Then the bond between us would be dissolved. You would be free to love someone else.”
Cara was shaking her head before I finished. “After the rebellion, you will still be needed?—”
“You and Lightbringer are needed,” I disagreed. “We must keep you alive. Perhaps it is a good thing you have this new bodyguard.”
Cara’s eyes were still on mine. She was looking for the trick in it, the way she always did. Maybe someday she would trust me.
I let the silence stand. We all needed a moment. Anayla drained her glass of wine.
“So. Cara’s new bodyguard.” Asrael took pity on Cara, or me, or both of us; he tried to turn the conversation. It was unlike him, which was perhaps why he was so awkward. “You have forgiven her? Maura is fully reinstated as a member of Clan Bismyth?”
“She is one of us,” I agreed. “As to forgiveness, no.”
Cara’s shoulders fell, but she nodded. She had heard my words as being about the two of us as well.
“Not yet.” I held her gaze when I said it. “But sometimes we move forward anyway.”
Later, when I was alone with my maps and my plans before the firelight, I asked Shadowbane,“Will you be all right?”
He had gone so long without seeing his mate. He still hadn’t had a glimpse of her except in dreams.
“I have been alone before. So have you. We have survived it.”
We had. That was true.
Then Shadowbane added,“We won’t have to, I think.”
He was ancient and wise, but that was a possibility on which I would not let myself dwell.
Fifty
Cara
When I knocked on Maura’s door, I could hear her storm across the room and fling it open. “Why are you hamm—Cara.” She softened from her irritation, just slightly.
