“I’d hope not. Those bastard fallen angels can be real assholes.”
“Why am I not surprised to hear you say that?”
He chuckled. “They’re alright, really. When I don’t have to spend much time with them. They even helped us with Lucifer, back when we were trying to reunite him with his soul. And yeah, Luciferhaschanged since his soul tormenting days. He closed the hellgate for one. That alone is enough to convince me that he’s not the man he used to be. The one who erased our memories.”
My smile died. “So, how much do you remember about your time in Hell?”
“Flashes,” he said through gritted teeth. “Here and there. Not enough to give a clear picture of our years spent there, but enough to know what kind of things we did. And it was nothing good, Eva.”
I swallowed hard and nodded. Right now was not the time to pepper him with questions. I needed to give him the space to think and breathe. All he needed from me was to listen. And so I would wait for him to decide when to speak.
A long moment stretched by, and then another. Rain still dripped down my face, but it almost felt soothing in the heat of the moment. A refreshing reminder that we were here and alive and safe.
Caim’s jaw flickered with tension. “I don’t want to speak for anyone else. Judge me, but not them.”
“I’m not going to judge any of you,” I said quietly. “That’s not what this is for.”
“Alright.” His eyes closed. “We participated in the torture. Our Legion, it’s the First Legion of Hell. We had powerful roles. We were leaders of different territories. I’m not going to give you a geography lesson about the underworld, but there are seven main circles. Seven major territories. We each ruled one. And we encouraged the torture of human souls.”
The circlesof Hell.
I swallowed hard, my heartbeat picking up speed. This was pretty much exactly what I’d expected. I’d guessed they were important members of the underworld at one point in time. They’d used the term Princes more than once. That suggested a kind of power that could only come with terrible deeds. But it still chilled me to the bone. Knowing Caim now, and the others, it was hard to imagine them doing anything like that. Hard to imagine them being involved in torture.
Rulers of the underworld.
“But that was when you were a demon,” I said. “That’s not who you are now, just like you said.”
“Eva,” he said in a low, dangerous voice. His eyes speared my soul. “I’m still a demon now. You and I, we’re different. You’ve somehow managed to hold on to your humanity, keeping the demon at bay. That’s not me. The darkness is inside of me. It’s always there, lurking and waiting to take control. And there’s always an element of me that’s going to be that demon. It drives my every action. Just because I no longer rule over a circle of Hell, and command the torture of human souls, doesn’t mean I’m not a demon.”
I loosed a steadying breath. “You’re not a monster, Caim.”
“I am.” He ground his teeth. “I’m just very good at hiding it.”
He was wrong. I could see in his eyes that he wasn’t the thing he thought he was. He was good. And caring. And better than most humans I’d met. He might deal with darkness and the call of violence deep down, but he pushed it aside. He fought against it. That made him strong.
I wanted to know more about Hell, about how the circles worked. Which one he’d ruled and where that was and what it was like. Did they have plants? Or was it just fire and brimstone? Did any animals scurry across the ground? Where did their water come from? Did they even need water? How far apart were the circles? Did the territories have names?
So many questions I wanted to ask. But now was not the time. I could tell by the haunted look in his eye that he’d already said more than he’d wanted. His past was like a wraith with claws that dug into his soul every time he thought about it. So, while I wanted to know more about Hell, for now this would be enough.
“We’ll have to agree to disagree,” I said instead of asking my millions of questions. “So, what do we do now?”
“Now.” He flicked his eyes toward the alley exit that led to the street. “We have to get our hands on that damn cure. I thought we’d find it tonight, but they were expecting us.”
My heart skipped a beat. A little thought had popped into my mind during our conversation. The enemy kept luring us in. Every move we made, they expected it. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I was too afraid to say them.
But I had to. Caim would never say it himself, even if he was thinking it.
“Maybe we should stop chasing this cure,” I said around a lump of rock in my throat. The cure was the only way to stop me from fully transforming. I might still be in control now, but it was only a matter of time. Caim could help me, but only for so long. Eventually, I would succumb to the darkness.
His eyes narrowed. “You can’t mean that.”
“Look at what’s happening, Caim. Our attention is divided. By focusing on the cure, you’re not focusing on the real threat. That’s the Cult of Lilith and whatever shitstorm they’re planning to unleash on this city. Stopping them matters far more than helping me.”
A low growl rumbled in his throat. “Nothing matters more than you.”
I sucked in a sharp breath, and warmth flooded my body. Surely he didn’t mean that. He was just overwhelmed, that was all. The past few days had been more than a little bit crazy.
“My life isn’t more important than this whole damn city, and I know you don’t believe it is. You’re just saying that because we’ve been through so much and—”
