“You don’t understand, Eva.” His jaw clenched as the tension pounded the air between us. “You’re new. Hell, you’re still half-human. The rest of the Legion and I...our past. It’s not like yours. There are things we’ve done. Secrets we’ve kept. If you knew the truth about me, you wouldn’t be saying all this to me now. You’d be horrified I lost control for even a second. Because it means I came far, far too close to doing those terrible things again.”
I pressed my lips together. “Okay. Maybe I don’t truly get it. So, tell me. All about your past. Make me understand what it means to be a demon in the Legion that once ruled Hell.”
His jaw rippled again, and he cut his eyes away. “If I told you that, you’d never look at me the same way again. The man you know now. That’s not who I used to be.”
“But Iwantto understand you, Caim. I want to know you. Every single part of you. Even the parts you think you need to keep a secret from me. Because what you don’t understand aboutmeis that I won’t give up on you no matter what’s in your past. All that matters to me is who you are now.”
He sighed and glanced behind him at the echo of footsteps down the block. Humans were coming. As quiet as this street was, New York was never private. At least not out on a sidewalk, even in the middle of the pouring rain.
“Alright, if that’s what you want.” He glanced up at the skies. “But not here. No telling how many eyes are on us right now. We’ve made quite the spectacle of ourselves tonight. Where’s Stolas?”
“Right here.” He rounded the corner of the block, his hands painted red. Blood stained his dark shirt. Flecks of it soaked his skin. I flinched, and the haunted look in his eyes shook me to my bones. “Some of the fae tried to escape out the back, and they put up a fight. Unfortunately, it was kill or be killed. There’s quite the mess to clean up, I’m afraid.”
Caim nodded. Gritting my teeth, I couldn’t help but look away.All that blood.
“We encountered a bit of a problem ourselves. Andrea is dead, for now. And her body is still in the middle of the street.”
“I’ll take care of it, boss,” Stolas said gently. I felt his eyes on me. “Eva looks shell-shocked. Get her out of here.”
Caim hesitated. “I should stay and help.”
“She doesn’t need to see this. If I need any help, I’ll call the others. Just get her out of here.”
My heart hammered as I listened to the vanishing thud of his footsteps. I hated that Stolas was right. If all that blood was any indication, there were more than a few dead bodies left behind, and I couldn’t bear the thought of setting my sights on them. I’d already seen one corpse tonight. That was enough.Morethan enough.
Caim wrapped his arm around my shoulders and steered me away from the prying eyes in the dark windows. We crossed the street, rounded the next corner, and ducked into an alley. Skin slick with rain, I wrapped my arms around myself, shivering.
Caim frowned at how I trembled. “We should get you home and changed into dry clothes.”
“Tell me first. About you,” I said. “I want to know everything.”
He rocked on his heels, his back against a wall that oozed with grime. The rain had washed away the worst scents of the alley, but a staleness still hung in the air. At the far end of the enclosed space, garbage bags were piled high and spilling rotting food and plastic wrappers all across the ground.
Not the fanciest place for a chat but at least no one could overhear our conversation.
Caim loosed a heavy sigh that shook his entire body. “I don’t even know where to begin. The trouble is, as I think I said before, Lucifer erased a lot of our memories of what we did. He wanted us to believe that we were better than we actually were. And he wanted to convince us that he was more of a monster than he was.”
“Alright,” I said with a frown. “But why? Based on everything you and the others have told me, it sounds like hewasa monster, wasn’t he? At least until you found his soul?”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s not as black and white as that. Lucifer has always operated in shades of grey. He still does, even now. Back then, hewasa monster. But he was a monster who was trying to do the right thing. In his mind, the ends justified the means. Any means, including killing innocents and allowing human souls to be tortured for eternity.”
I pressed my lips together. “Um, yeah. I mean, to be honest, that doesn’t sound like any shade of grey to me. That sounds pure evil.”
“He was trying to prevent the world from ending.”
I arched a brow, and Caim nodded.
“He thought his actions would prevent the world from transforming into a realm where everything is dead and frozen. Humans wouldn’t survive that.”
“But the soul tormenting thing...”
He shrugged. “In his mind, that was what he thought he needed to do to prevent the apocalypse. Was it right? No. Were his motivations evil? No. Shades of grey, Eva. It’s just where Lucifer was concerned, there was a lot of grey.”
“But not anymore?” I asked. “Right?”
Some of the darkness whispered away from Caim’s eyes. He folded his arms, and a hint of that familiar, cheeky grin twitched the corners of his lips. “He’s probably as grey as I am. Not sure if you’d consider that good or bad.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “I wouldn’t say you’re totally angelic.”
