I ran my hand over the top of my head and snorted. “I bet.”
Holding out my hand, I gestured for her to hand over the blade. And when she did, instead of taking it from her, I encircled her wrist with my fingers and pulled her forward. She let out a small gasp and the knife slipped from her grip, clattering to the floor. For a moment, I only stared down at her wrist, at the replica of my eagle branded onto her skin. My eagle. My brand. My ... Autumn.
Spreading my knees, I pulled her even closer, my gaze traveling up her body and stopping when I reached her face. What the fuck was I doing? I knew, and at the same time I really didn’t. I was winging it, playing it by ear, basing it off both what I wanted and her reactions.
“Your hair,” she whispered, swallowing hard. She looked terrified. Fucking petrified. And alsonotterrified. Excited maybe?
“I’ll take care of it later,” I muttered. Releasing her wrist, I took hold of her waist, one hand on each hip. Andgoddamn, my fingers twitched and my fingertips dug in, pressing through the thin cotton of her pants, feeling the softness that lay beneath.
I did want her. For some incomprehensible reason, I fucking wanted her. And for the second time in my life, I had no idea what to do with that knowledge. With Jenny, I’d flirted mercilessly. Appointed myself as her personal shadow, refusing to allow her the opportunity to meet a better guy. I’d joked, I’d teased, I’d done everything and anything that came to mind in hopes it would work.
But that was then, and this was different. I didn’t flirt; I wasn’t even sure I remembered how. I didn’t joke, and I sure as hell didn’t tease. But just like with Jenny, flirting and teasing aside, I was still going in blind.
Did I even want to fuck her? I didn’t actually know. Yeah, I wanted her, and yeah, I wanted to touch her, and I definitely wanted her here with me. But past that, I really didn’t know. And because I didn’t know, I didn’t press further. I just continued to sit there with her standing between my legs, my hands on her hips as I stared up at her.
She moved first, half stepping, half falling into me, and wrapped her arms around my neck as she sank down to her knees. The movement caused my hands to travel up her body, pulling up the sides of her shirt until I was holding her rib cage, touching her bare skin.
We stayed like that for a while, her kneeling between my legs, her arms around my neck, her face pressed against the space between my chin and my chest, and me with my hands on her sides, just holding her.
It was Autumn who pulled away, just a few inches, and raised her head. I stared down into her eyes, noticing for the first time that there were flecks of brown and yellow within the gray. And Christ, she was so delicate. Everything about her—her small button features, her big wide eyes, even her hair appeared fine.
I couldn’t fuck her. I couldn’t ruin this girl.
But I could kiss her. Cupping the back of her head, I bent forward, watching her intently as I brought our faces together. Her breath hitched, her eyelids lowered, and her lips parted.
I wanted to be gentle with her, but fuck me, I didn’t know how, or was even sure I was capable of it. But the moment our mouths touched, what little effort I’d put into attempting to be gentle quickly fled. Sliding my tongue roughly past her lips, I delved deep inside before retreating quickly. Then, not bothering with even half a breath, I covered her entire mouth with mine, biting and sucking on her bottom lip before dipping back inside, even deeper this time.
She moaned softly, a sound that both surprised me and amped me up. My body hardened, growing hungrier by the second as I bent forward and wrapped my arms around her, then heaved us to standing. Not breaking our kiss, I stumbled forward with her in my arms, and ended up walking straight into the sink. Autumn let out a surprised squeal as her ass met with the water still inside the basin, something I quickly rectified by slipping my hand beneath her backside and into the water, cupping one cheek and lifting her up onto the edge.
This time it was her who deepened our kiss, her whose legs parted for me to fit between. And her whose fingertips were digging into the bare skin on my back.
I pictured myself tearing her shirt free from her body, gripping her hair and placing biting kisses down the length of her neck, over her breasts and lower. Yanking her pants down her legs and sending my fingers up inside her.
I pictured all of that, but still I only continued to kiss her.
I saw myself carrying her, her naked body writhing, begging for more, into the bedroom. I saw myself laying her out on the mattress and covering her body with mine, grabbing and groping the breasts that were beckoning me, and sliding inside her.
My eyes closed and I watched as I took her, hard and fast, then slow and steady. And then just before I finished, I flipped her over and took her from behind, pumping into her as fast as I could, making her scream, making her beg, causing her head to rear back as she cried out with tears in her eyes.
But it wasn’t pain I was inflicting on her. It was pleasure.I wanted to give her pleasure.
I watched it all unfold in my mind, my dick rock hard and twitching inside my jeans, but still I only continued to kiss her.
In that moment, the whole world grew quiet. No voice in my head, no thoughts of anyone or anything outside the tangle of our two bodies.
There was no infection, no unfathomable loss. There was no Jeffers, no Liv, and no Purgatory. There was no then and now, no before and after.
There was just thisgirl, this stupidly trusting and fucked-up girl, and me, always on the motherfucking verge of losing it, and half out of my damn mind more often than not.
Me, a broken-down man ...
And a kiss that silenced the world.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Autumn
Gripping my seat belt tightly, I closed my eyes and leaned toward the open window, letting the warm wind blow through my hair, the short strands whipping wildly around my face and neck. It had been a long time since I’d been inside a vehicle, and I’d forgotten how fast they could move, how jolting the experience could be. It reminded me of the first time I’d ridden a roller coaster, how unsafe I’d felt, and yet once the ride had ended, I ran back in line, ready to ride again.
