“Let go. Ashmedai, let mego!”
Nicolas shoved him hard. It wasn’t enough to push Ashmedai away, but he released him anyway, breathing hard. Every exhale was a growl, feral with unanswered need. Why was his human pushing him away now? Ashmedai needed him. They neededeach other. This felt wrong. Couldn’t Nicolas feel it, too?
Nicolas showed no signs of the pain Ashmedai felt. His normally warm eyes were cold and flinty. “Look, just because those guys think we’re fated to be together or something doesn’t mean that I can’t still make my own choices. I’m not a piece of property you can control. I’m going to do what I think is right whether you agree with it or not.”
“But.” Ashmedai stopped, his hands opening and closing uselessly. He wanted to grab on and not let go, but Nicolas wouldn’t like that. He’d push him away again. What was he supposed todo? How did he fix this? He didn’t know how to explain that Nicolas wasn’t a piece of property to him. It wasn’t about control. It was about protection. Nicolas needed to do the right thing—to Ashmedai,protecting Nicolaswas the right thing. It was the only thing that mattered. “Don’t like.”
“I don’t care! You don’t get to order me around just because—” This time Nicolas was the one who growled, carding his fingers roughly through his hair. “You know what? I can’t do this right now. This is all too much for me. I can’t think straight with you here. You need to go.”
Ashmedai’s breath was falling faster now. “No. No.”
“Yes. I’m sorry, but you have to go. I need some distance. I have to get my head on straight. The last thing I need to be worrying about while I’m dealing with Sloan is you.”
“No,” he said again. “Please.”
For a moment, he thought Nicolas would waver, but then his expression hardened. With a fortifying breath, he said firmly, “Yes. I-I know how to find you now. When I’m ready, I’ll reach out. Until then, you should stay away.”
“No!” He stepped closer, and Nicolas flinched.Flinched. Like he was afraid of him.
Ashmedai stopped. He’d never felt so much like a monster. It used to amuse him, the way the souls in the Pit would cower when he approached. But he’d never wanted Nicolas to fear him.
His heart wasn’t squeezing anymore. It was ripping. Tearing. His human was afraid of him. He thought Nicolas saw beneath the strangeness, the horror, but Ashmedai was a monster after all.
He turned away, his lips peeling back from his teeth and a high-pitched scream of frustration, pain, and denial tearing from his mouth. He’d never faced a problem he couldn’t kill or eat, but neither of those things would help him now. He needed the words to tell Nicolas how he felt, but he didn’t have them. Pushing any harder would just make Nicolas pull away even more. There were absolutely no choices before him but obedience, no matter how much it hurt him to leave.
Unable to bear the weight of Nicolas’s refusal, he disappeared into the shadows.
He appeared in the dark apartment the Sentinels had given him. Ignoring the cardboard box on the kitchen island, he went to the living room. His claws gouged into the furniture, ripping into the fabric and spilling the stuffing. He snapped wood, he tore cloth. He raked gashes into the wall and ripped doors from hinges. Broke mirrors that showed him his own inhuman reflection. He was a monster.What made him think he could have a soul as bright and beautiful as Nicolas? He would only tarnish it. He couldn’t ever be what Nicolas needed. He didn’t understand the way his human mind worked, and worst of all, he couldn’t protect him. That was why he’d pushed him away. Ashmedai was too strange, too wrong, too monstrous.
All the while, his mind replayed those awful words.
Stay away.
Stay away.
Stay away.
He didn’t knowhow long he stayed there. He didn’t sleep or eat. Time passed by without his acknowledgment, until the sound of a door opening and closing nearby caught his attention. He didn’t bother to look over. There was nothing left for him until night fell and he could hunt again. If he couldn’t have Nicolas, at least he could kill. The Sentinels had asked him to stop killing paladins for a few days, but he didn’t care. They were the only thing he wanted to hunt. He would tear their whole institution down brick by brick, soul by soul. Nicolas may never want him again, but at least he’d get some satisfaction from ruining the guild that had hurt him.
“What… What the hell happened in here?” a familiar voice asked, laced with shock.
“Stay back, my jewel.” Valac, the behemoth.
Ashmedai didn’t move, staring at the wall where he’d stopped when all the fight finally left him. There was no point in moving until it was time to hunt again. No point in any of it.
“What, why?” Julian asked. “We haven’t seen him in three days. It looks like some kind of fight happened here. He could be hurt.”
“There was no fight. This was Ashmedai’s doing.”
“What? Ashmedai, did something happen? Is Nicolas okay?”
Hearing his human’s name had a growl building in his throat. From the corner of his eye, he saw Valac step in front of Julian, blocking the sight of his bright, golden soul.
“Speak, Ashmedai.” Valac’s voice was threaded with steel.
“Sent me away,” Ashmedai snarled, his voice deep and animalistic. “Doesn’t want me. Doesn’t listen.”
“What? No, I can’t believe he’d do that,” Julian said, peering around Valac’s side. Good, kind-hearted Julian, who saw the best in people.
