Ashmedai didn’t respond. His human didn’t want him. He would have to learn to cope with the pain in his chest.
“What exactly did Nicolas say?” Julian asked, trying and failing to push past Valac.
“Not my… property. Too much for him.” He paused, hating to voice the words that had haunted him so. “Stay away.” He’d never wanted a human like this before, and he shouldn’t want this one now. What kind of cruelty was it, to give him a taste of what they could have been only to rip it away when Ashmedai dared to let himself feel happiness?
He should have known better. He was made to kill, not to love.
“Oh.” It sounded as subdued as Ashmedai felt.
He was a monster. Monsters didn’t get to be happy.
“I’m sorry, friend,” Valac said. “I believe it will be a temporary separation.”
Ashmedai’s hands balled into fists, and he struggled to string longer sentences together. This was one of the barriers preventing him from being with Nicolas, one of the things that made him more monstrous than the demons like Valac who had found happiness here on the surface. “He could get hurt. I won’t be there… to help. Behind the wall… can’t reach.” His words tapered into another growl, and he wanted to tear at his own hide. He was no more than an animal. Of course Nicolas didn’t want him.
“You have to trust that he knows what he’s doing,” Julian said softly. “Maybe he’s just being dumb right now by pushing you away. Maybe it’s stress. It can be a lot, at first, to realize you feel that way about something you were taught to hate. Plus, he has to look for the kids. He has to sell the lie that he believes the same as Sloan’s guys, right? I assume that’s his plan, anyway. That’s why he didn’t want to tell us any details. And if he’s coming home to the arms of a demon each night, it’ll be that much harder to lie to himself and everyone around him during the day. Give him time.”
Ashmedai didn’t want to give him time. He wanted to be with him now. Every moment he spent apart from him felt like razors embedding deeper and deeper into his skin. Nicolas was going to do an awful thing, and he expected Ashmedai to stay away while he did it?
He sagged. “Just go.”
Julian protested, but Valac urged him from the room, leaving Ashmedai alone. As he was meant to be.
Chapter 9
Nicolas
Before Nicolas could puthis plan in motion, he needed to talk to Daniel, so he drove over to his brother’s apartment. Bracing himself, he knocked on the door and waited for him to open it.
Clad in plaid pajama pants and a white T-shirt, Daniel waved him inside. The studio apartment smelled like fresh coffee, and he wordlessly poured Nicolas a mug before leading him to sit on the sofa. Was it still morning? It had already been a long day, and he had a feeling it was only going to get longer. The ache in his chest hadn’t subsided since he sent Ashmedai away. The phantom sound of his anguished scream sent a little shiver rolling down Nicolas’s body.
He didn’t mean to hurt Ashmedai, but he just couldn’t wrap his head around‘divine intervention.’Nicolas wasfatedto be with a demon? And not just any demon, but a sin eater. The Sentinels, they were all with demons who could pass for human. Nothing about Ashmedai was remotely human. And he’d demandedthat Nicolas not return to the guild. He didn’t give a thought to the kids Sloan was holding hostage. Wouldn’t Nicolas’s real soulmate understand why he felt compelled to help them?
So what if the sex was incredible? There was more to a relationship than good sex. He needed someone who understood and supported him. He wasn’t so sure that could be Ashmedai—even if the thought of being with anyone else felt like swallowing a razorblade.
“You look like shit,” Daniel said, his eyes rolling back in ecstasy at the first sip of coffee.
“You have a pillow crease on your face,” Nicolas shot back.
“Still look better than you. What’s up?”
Nicolas sighed. He pulled a burner phone from his pocket and handed it over. “Take this.”
Daniel peered down at it, tapping the screen to wake it up. “What is this?”
“Passcode is Mom’s birthday,” Nicolas said. He waited for Daniel to put it in, then said, “Go to the contacts.”
When he did, his eyes widened. “Holy shit. Where did you get this? Why are their names in here?”
“I got it from them. Julian called me this morning and asked to meet.” He gave Daniel a quick rundown of the conversation at the Rink about the missing kids and Sloan’s terms for their release.
“He’s kidnapped kids,” Daniel said, shell-shocked. His coffee was forgotten in his hand. “He’s holding them hostage. He really has gone off the deep end.”
“Yeah. And they’ve asked me to see if I can find out where he’s keeping them.”
“How are you planning to do that? He wouldn’t trust youwith his pencil sharpener after what happened the other night.”
Nicolas winced. “I know. I’m gonna have to make him believe I’ve been converted, see if I can get close to him that way.”
