I went for walks. I enjoyed food again without a thought to who made it or how. I’d been hustling for as long as I could remember and had never felt like I had space to just enjoy life.
Travel with Nate had always been about networking or we’d had an agenda of things we had to see and people we needed to connect with.
I’d been to London dozens of times and never appreciated how soothing the rain was if you didn’t have anywhere to be. I stood under the shelter at the front of the hotel, watching rain coat the bustling street outside as I waited for a car to pick me up.
I was…happy. Relaxed even.
I got into the back of the car wondering what that said about me. Was it less feminist to want to choose the life of a high-class escort than it was to choose the life of a wildly successful businesswoman? Was it regressive to want my every whim tended to so I could focus on the whims of a man? Did I fucking care if it made me feel this free?
Just as the car was about to pull away, Kelly hopped in beside me.
I rolled my eyes as he smacked his gum and winked at me, but I made space for him.
“Thought you were taking the night off?” I asked.
Zane was determined to shield the other two from the brunt of touring, willingly doing more interviews, more performances because he seemed to feel like that was part of his responsibility as lead singer.
Dan and Kelly had no desire to be in the spotlight, so he sheltered them from it. But they didn’t seem to grasp the toll it was taking on him.
Kelly shrugged in answer to my question. “Maybe I want to spend my night off supporting my frontman.”
“Yeah…” I muttered. “You’re so supportive.”
“The fuck does that mean?” Kelly asked, and I immediately regretted saying anything. It wasn’t my place to get involved.
“Doesn’t matter,” I said.
“If you’ve got something to say, I’d rather you just spit it out.”
I knew I shouldn’t, but I still said, “Zane is drowning and the two of you just let him shoulder it all—”
“I’m gonna stop you there, sugar. Let him? We don’tlet himdo shit. The hardheaded bastard makes the rules. You think we don’t see what he’s going through?”
He rubbed his forehead. “You think we don’t care? You waltz back in here and act like you know what’s happening, but I’ve been by his side for almost a decade. And my observation? The two times he’s beendrowninghave both involved you.”
That one hit home.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I didn’t mean to imply you don’t care.”
He said, “You ever seen him do a show? A real show, not these little gigs.”
I shook my head.
“That’s what makes it all worth it. He lives for it. He’ll be himself again if we can just get him back into that rhythm. So stop fucking with his head.”
“Excuse me?” I snapped.
“You heard me. Picking random dudes up at a bar to punish him for being late or whatever the hell that was…”
I cocked an eyebrow at him. “My sweet summer child…you really think I was doing that topunishhim?”
“Punish him, throw a tantrum, call it whatever you want. You were making things harder for him.”
I laughed. “I don’t owe you details, but I can assure you Zane was the opposite of bothered by mytantrum. In fact, he was the one who told me to pick someone else up. You may have been by his side for almost a decade, but you obviously don’t know everything about him and you know fuck all about me.”
He processed what I’d said, looking out the window and shaking his head with a smile like he was putting all of the pieces together in his head.
“Touché,” he said, with a teasing smile. “But I’m starting to think I’d like to.”
