Riyan sighed. I waited for him to tell me what his secret actually was, but he gently ran his fingertips along my spine and settledinto silence.
Just as my eyelids grew heavy, Riyan hummed the notes to the song of the Man of the Mountain. His low voice rumbled around me like a slow avalanche. I closed my eyesand smiled.
“I like your singing,” I whispered intothe pillow.
Riyan dipped his chin to rest on the top of my head. “Humming isnot singing.”
My head sank into the feathers of the pillow. I breathed in nectarand wheat.
“Where is West of the Moon and East of the Sun?” I asked as I stifleda yawn.
“It’s another name for the peak of Nordingaard,” Riyan replied. “It’s the realm of beasts and monsters where magic warps trees andanimals speak.”
I yawned and started to tumble into the welcoming abyssof unconsciousness.
“I hate that place,” I whispered. “It took everythingfrom me.”
The gentle tide of Riyan’s breath sent me to sleep and his last words kissed me goodnight. “Metoo, sweetheart.”
I woke up realizing I wore nothing but the memories of Riyan’s lips onmy skin.
Somehow I didnot mind.
My arms were wrapped around Riyan’s forearm and my cheek pressed into his skin. Riyan was sitting up in bed and looking out the broken window at the golden sunrise. Purple crescents drooped under his heavy eyes and his cracked lips pursed like he was holdingback sickness.
I rubbed my eyes and shifted my hips. “Were you awakeall night?”
He blinked like he startled himself out of a nightmare. “I was. Iwas thinking.”
I pulled myself out from underneath Riyan’s arm and sat up next to him. He did not move his eyes from the rising sun. My stomach twisted at his silence, so I gently placed my hand onhis bicep.
“I admitted I was afraid last night,” Riyan said. His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “I haven’t allowed myself to feel afraid since the first battle withthe giants.”
I gave his arm a reassuring squeeze. “There is nothing wrong with feelingafraid, Riyan.”
“If you’re me, there is,” Riyan said bitterly. “When I’m afraid, my body sabotages me. My blood ignites, my bones twist, my muscles scream, and I get bigger. The magic in my blood forces me to grow because it’s trying to protect me from harm…but all it does ishurt me.”
I furrowed my brow. “When was the last timeyou grew?”
Riyan turned his face from the window and looked straight ahead at the stone wall of the bedroom. “When I was fifteen. I was a little taller than General Hyton, but I was living a relatively normal life. Then we went to the first battle against the giants…and I saw so many boys my ageand younger…”
Riyan’s jaw tightened. His fists clenched so tightly his knuckles turned white. “I can’t even talkabout it.”
Birds chirped outside as we sat in heavy silence. I could not imagine something so horrible that evenherefused to talkabout it.
“I may have lived, but I shouldn’t say I survived that battle. Sometimes I’m still at the peak of Nordingaard, fighting those giants over and over again inmy head.”
I wrapped my other hand around his massive bicep and pressed my forehead against his skin. His tight muscles vibrated ashe spoke.
“I never know if they will come back to slaughter more boys in my dreams, so sleeping is a fucking gamble. Sometimes I stay up for days and then force myself to drink an entire handle of grog so I can finallypass out.”
My lips brushed against his trembling skin. “That soundslike hell.”
His muscles tightened under my hands so quickly my heart skippeda beat.
“Being in this body is hell,” he snapped. “I can’t fit in most houses, I can’t sit at the dinner table with my family, I can’t even trust myself tobe with youbecause I don’t know my own strength. And that scares the shit out of me. But I know that if I get scared like I did in the past, I will grow and makeeverything worse.”
Riyan’s chest rose and fell faster and faster as he spoke. I held my breath as his trembling arm warmed under my cheek and my fingertips. His mouth twisted up in a snarl. “So I don’t get scared. I just get angry and then I deal with the anger. That’s how I’ve gone nearly seven years without growing. Life is already unbearable now—Ican’tmakeit worse.”
