“Back up,” Shitty Ritchie shouted between grunts. “Hemah is gonna come out, but so is a couple of weeks-worth of fecal matter. And if anyone doesn’t know what that means, it means POOP!”
“Kill me now,” Candy grumbled.
“Can’t watch this,” Tim said, turning around. “While I appreciate the sacrifice, I simply can’t watch something I can never unsee.”
“Word,” I said, joining my buddy and turning away. The sounds Shitty Ritchie made were awful enough. I couldn’t imagine the visual. Actually, I’d rather imagine the visual than see the reality.
“Team Tim and Daisy,” Gideon said, turning his back on the action. “I’ve seen a lot of strange in my years, but this… I don’t need to see this.”
“Joinin’ you guys and gal,” Jennifer said, doing her best not to gag while lining up with the cool kids. “I kinda feel like I should watch since Shitty Ritchie’s my new coworker, but seeing a person get shot out of someone’s rumpus—coworker or not—just doesn’t feel right.”
Chamuel was with Jennifer. “My feelings are the same as my counterpart’s. While I do have an intellectual curiosity about what’s to occur, my sense of self-preservation outweighs my nosiness.”
In the end, Candy Vargo was the only person who stood by Shitty Ritchie and watched the expulsion. Of course, she’d eaten my siblings long ago and had pooped them out. Maybe, the entire process was normal to her.
I didn’t know how it could be, but I also couldn’t imagine eating anyone. But as Gram always said, it takes all kinds to make the merry-go-round go ‘round and be merry.
“Holy turds on a sharp fuckin’ stick,” Shitty Ritchie bellowed in between grunts. “Passing Hemah is like pooping Bigfoot.”
“How in the fuck would you know what crappin’ out Bigfoot feels like?” Candy Vargo argued.
“Because Shitty Ritchiehascrapped out Bigfoot,” he screamed.
“Shut the front door,” Candy said with a cackle. “You ate Bigfoot?”
“I diiiiiiiiiiid,” he said on a long and uncomfortable sounding grunt. “Fucker tried to eat me, so I showed him who was the boss and it wasn’t Tony Danza!”
“Badass,” Candy Vargo told him. “I’d come over there and shake your hand if I wasn’t concerned that you’re gonna blow Hemah out any second and I’d get splattered with poo.”
“Bigfoot is real?” I asked, shocked.
No one answered.
“I’m going to be ill,” Tim said, covering his mouth and hoping for the best.
“Its COMING,” Shitty Ritchie shouted. “Hemah is coming out of my bunghole and into the light!”
“Question,” Jennifer said. “Not sure I want the answer, but I can’t help myself.”
“Ask,” Tim replied with his hand still over his mouth to catch the puke if it showed up.
“Is Shitty Ritchie’s little bottom going to be okay after this, or is it gonna be all stretched out?”
“I’m noping out of this,” Gideon said, walking far enough away from us that he could block out the words being spoken.
I almost followed but was too curious about the answer. Not that anyone in the group wouldknowthe answer, but still.
“That will have to be ascertained after the ejection has been completed,” Tim explained. “Of course, I’m not sure who will want to examine the expulsion site…”
“Not me,” I said quickly.
“Or me,” Jennifer added as Chamuel nodded Its head in fervent agreement.
“I shall not be volunteering for that task,” Tim said with a wince. “Maybe Candy Vargo will do it.”
“Candy Vargo will not examine Shitty Ritchie’s ass,” she called out. “Shitty Ritchie’s bunghole is on its own.”
“NO WORRIES,” the tiny dude in question shrieked. “My bunghole is like elastic. Back in the day, when I was more of a cannibal, my dookie discharger was always fine. And I pooped out BIGFOOT!”
