Jennifer’s chin dropped to her chest and she gagged. “I truly wish I had not brought that up.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” I choked out.
It took another ten minutes of grunting and swearing before the event was over. The sound when Hemah was finally shot out from Shitty Ritchie’s bowels was explosive—like a dam of sewage that had been released after being stored for centuries. Everyone except Chamuel took a quick throw up fieldtrip in the forest. The poor ghost wasn’t afforded the luxury of emptying the contents of Its stomach since It was technically dead. The smell was freaking rank.
“Run!” Shitty Ritchie bellowed. “Run away from the fecal matter.”
We were excellent at following orders. Candy Vargo led the escape. Gideon and I were right behind her, followed by Tim,Jennifer and Chamuel. Appropriately, Shitty Ritchie brought up the rear with the shell-shocked ghost of Hemah by his side.
It was only after we’d put a good ten miles between us and the fecal expulsion sight that we stopped running like our lives depended on it.
“Everyone, say hello to Hemah,” Shitty Ritchie announced. “It is on probation. What would you like to say to everyone, jackass?” Shitty Ritchie eyed Hemah expectantly. “AND BE FUCKING POLITE.”
Hemah floated in the air and looked as uncomfortable about being here as we were with having It here. “Hello,” It whispered, waving weakly with Its still limp and broken hand.
No one returned the greeting. It was just too weird. We were staring at the abomination who had done Its best to end all of us. Hemah had been the bane of the Universe’s existence for so long, it was difficult to believe It wasn’t still the same being.
Candy Vargo was the one to break the awkward silence. “You’re a dick.”
“Yes,” Hemah agreed.
“A despicable excuse for a person,” Tim added angrily. “The fact that you can do no more harm is the greatest gift the Universe has ever received.”
“Yes,” Hemah whispered. “This is true.”
“I don’t believe you mean that,” Gideon ground out through clenched teeth. “Leopards don’t change their spots.”
“Not to defend the fucker,” Shitty Ritchie said. “But most leopards didn’t get shot out of my bunghole with an audience watching.”
No one had the heart to tell him we hadn’t watched. What he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him in this case.
“Old Hemah isn’t going to live a life, or death, of happiness and sunshine,” Shitty Ritchie continued. “It gonna be ugly. Every fucking minute will be U. G. L. Y.”
I closed my eyes when I realized the little dude was still naked from the waist down. If I looked, I’d laugh. It wasn’t time to laugh. Shit was serious.
“Hold that thought,” Candy Vargo said, waving her hands in the air. “I can’t look at your pecker and take you seriously.”
In a small burst of glittering orange magic, the true Higher Power who represented vengeance was clothed again. He was now wearing itty-bity jeans, tennis shoes and an Atlanta Braves jersey. The look was absurd, but it was better than the alternative.
“And while I’m at it,” Candy said, waving her hands again.
The shimmering enchantment grew in size and rained down over all of us. The ripped black leather disappeared. The Keeper of Fate had dressed us in black again, but it was our kind of duds. Black combat pants, black long-sleeved shirts and black shit kickers. It was comfortable and breathable. The leather, while respectful to the Fonzies, wasn’t great to wear.
Gideon clapped his hands and armed all of us with enough weapons to take down a small army. We were only going after one individual, but Chamuel had warned us about Uriel. We were not going in unprepared. We all possessed magic, but conventional weapons could slow an evil entity down. Any extra help was welcome.
Shitty Ritchie pulled Hemah out of the air by Its leg and went nose to nose with the ghost. For a hot sec I was surprised he could touch the ghost, then remembered the crazy little guy was the Higher Power. He, Jennifer and Alana Catherine possessed the gifts of all of the Immortals combined.
“How far are we from the crevasse where Uriel’s cage is?” he demanded. “And don’t send us on a wild goose chase or I’m gonna go ballistic on your transparent ass.”
Hemah nodded spastically. “A mile. To the east.”
I glanced at Chamuel. It nodded Its head in agreement.
So far, so good.
Gideon stepped forward. His eyes were bright red and his power vibrated off of him. “I can sense my daughter now. We will transport to her. That will ensure Uriel has no time to run if we make a surprise entrance. Walking in could be detrimental. My guess is the area’s booby trapped.”
“Wise prediction,” Chamuel said.
