Tomorrow wasThanksgiving.
Katie had been gone for three weeks. The last time I saw her, she looked horrified. That was the image that kept forcing its way to the front of my mind. Not the memories of her smiling, not how she looked after I kissed her for the first time. But the look that told me she never wanted to see meagain.
I had been so thrilled when she accepted my past and my present, only to have herrippedaway.
I knew I should have left her alone, but I had wanted so badly to explain. I composed and deleted my single text message to her a hundred times. I would type out an explanation of what happened. I would beg her to let me talk to her. I would tell her how much I missed her and that I loved her. When I finally hit send, I had settled on two words that could never sum up what I wantedtosay.
She never responded; there was no way of even knowing if she got the message. I knew I needed to let her go, that I shouldn’t drag Katie into my life. It wasamess.
It was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. While we hadn’t technically been in a relationship long enough to call it a breakup, it was harder than any actual breakup I’d ever had. The pain was more unbearable than what I endured with my dad leaving, or even the physical pain from fighting withMarco.
It went against every instinct. But for her sake, I lethergo.
I had been arrested and fired. An unemployed criminal, every girl’s dream. Maybe Mr. Lynch would finally believe me when I said I was bad news for hisdaughter.
I only spent a few hours at the police station with Marco. Not the crowning moment in my life, that’s for sure. We sat near each other in the holding cell, neither one of us talking. The officers had some questions for us, but everyone knew everyone in this town. We were brothers letting off some steam is what they told us. We wouldn’t be facing charges this time. We were free to go and I was thrilled. It was exactly what I needed to give me a wakeup call about what I did and didn’t want formylife.
Another trip to jail was on the top of thethings I did not wantlist, right under actually being charged with acrime.
Leaving the station, I was sure Marco would be worse than ever, blaming me for his arrest. I figured the silent treatment he’d given me in front of the guys inside was to cover for the hate that brewed just beneath the surface. But once we were out of the police station, he went his own way and Iwentmine.
I hadn’t heard from him in these past three weeks either. I had called him a few times with no answer. I hoped he was okay. I held my breath waiting for news I didn’t want to hear. I was afraid he would endupdead.
With all of this, I wanted to give up. Probably more than ever before. Instead, I took this final blow as a motivator. I had lost my scholarship; I wasn’t going to get that back. Money was really tight around the house. I figured I’d apply for financial aid and try to go to the communitycollege.
I would find my way back to my dream, even if I had to take thelongroad.
I had hoped to explain to Mike what had happened that day in the parking lot, but he wasn’t having it. I had worked that job for three years and it felt strange not going in anymore. The search began for a new one. I went out almost daily looking for something. I hadn’t found it yet in this small town, but knew it would happeneventually.
I walked into the diner as a customer, knowing Gwen was working, hoping she had heardsomething.
A new waitress was working at the diner when I showed up. I remembered her from high school; she had been a couple of grades below me and I thought her name was Sarah. She walked stiffly as she seated me at a table in Gwen’ssection.
Whether it was from the rumors that circulated during the summer or news of the fight from a couple of weeks ago, I wasn’t sure. But this girl was scared of me. The very idea of walking me to a table made heruncomfortable.
“Thanks,” I said cheerfully, smiling at her in a way I hoped made her feel moreatease.
“Uh, huh,” she mumbled under her breath as she turned to walk off without even lookingatme.
“Sarah,right?”
Her eyes darted back and forth and her eyebrows crinkled together. Her entire body was strung tight, ready to flee at the first opportunity. This girl really didn’t want to be near me. “Why?” she askedcautiously.
“I just wanted to thank you for seating me. I hope you like working here. It’s a great place,” I said, knowing the words were cheesy and mostly superficial. I wanted to work on my public image. I was ready to stop hiding and pretending to be the rebel. There was no reason I couldn’t be a nice guy who happened to have to work hard for the things he had. But all this started with a change of attitude onmypart.
“Of course she likes working here,” Gwen said, walking up apparently having heard my words to Sarah. “Now stop trying to makeThe Farmhousesound like a cult with all your ‘I hope you like it here’business.”
Gwen had taken the opportunity to wrap her arm over Sarah’s shoulder as she said this. “Besides, the poor girl hasn’t even seen the ghost yet,” she said in a stage whisper with her hand up like she was sharing a secret with me. As if Sarah couldn’t hear every word that was said. “Don’t scare her away. We want tokeepher.”
Sarah looked back and forth at us, as if trying to decide if Gwen was serious or not. Gwen kept her face blank, but I smiled back and shook my head slightly toreassureher.
“Whatever,” Sarah said with a huff. “You guys are weird.” And she walked off. The place was practically empty and I assumed her speedy retreat had more to do with the fact she wanted to get away from us than having actual worktodo.
I lifted my eyebrows in question as Gwen slid into the booth across from me. “What was thatabout?”
“That girl is so serious. Like, all the time. Just trying to loosenherup.”
“I don’t think it’sworking.”
