It had not gotten easier, pretending that her lies did not cut into her deeply, leaving behind scars she would have to live with for life.
But she did not have any other choice. This was her only means of survival.
“Well, if you are certain... we only want what’s best for you, Jane dear. Regardless of whatever terms guided your marriage, you spent a bit of time with that man and his child. No matter how much you wish otherwise, your souls have touched, in one way or another, and the separation will be hard on you. But do not hide yourself away during that time, Jane. We are your friends and we only wish for your well-being. If you are in pain, if you feel any form of discomfort, please find us. We are here to support you, always,” Penelope said soothingly, reaching for her hand.
Nora reached for her other one, both of them squeezing her hands lightly, filling her heart with warmth.
“Thank you,” she told them both gratefully, wanting to soak up as much strength as she could from her friends.
Because the Lord knew she would need as much strength and stability as she could when she eventually returned home.
Jane’s resolve began to shake all over again when she arrived home.
It felt strange, walking through the front door as her mind recalled how different the house had been when she first arrived. It was so void of warmth, so disconcertingly quiet in a way that made her wonder if the duke truly had a child or if his true goal had been to deceive her.
Learning the truth had weakened her defenses and pushed her to become someone she had never thought she would ever want to be – a wife and a mother.
And now that the end had arrived as she had known it would all along, her body and mind felt too unwilling to give it all up.
“Welcome back, Your Grace,” Mrs Greene greeted her cheerily with a bright smile.
“Mrs Greene, good evening,” Jane responded, casting her gaze up the stairs but not climbing them yet.
The housekeeper followed her gaze and then looked down at the duchess moments later, then she cautiously asked,
“Is something the matter, Your Grace?”
Oh, goodness, where does one even begin?
Jane swallowed, willing herself to face the older woman properly.
“N-No... I was just thinking about Reuben. Has he fallen asleep yet?”
The housekeeper shook her head, a fond smile gracing her lips.
“Not yet, Your Grace. You know how rowdy he gets when someone other than you tries to lull him to sleep. Miss Becker has coaxed and pleaded with him to get some sleep, but he is rather persistent to have his way. I suspect the poor girl will soon result to bribery.”
Jane laughed a little, allowing herself to smile as she thought of how adorably stubborn he must have been all evening.
“I’ll go and put him to sleep now,” Jane stated as she started up the stairs.
“Oh, but you’ve only just returned, Your Grace,” Mrs Greene protested.
“It’s all right,” Jane asserted. “I would like to see him. Just for a bit.”
The housekeeper curtsied and Jane continued to make her way to Reuben’s room, recalling what it felt like, the first time she had seen him. It had been startling, how empty his gaze was, and she had felt struck with sadness for him.
Although she had doubted her skills then, she still desired to do whatever she could for the child, because he was merely an innocent soul who didn’t deserve to be stripped away of his joy and peace.
And now... she could hardly believe that he was the same one on the bed whose entire face lit up at the sight of her. He slipped outof bed and way from his nanny’s reach, running right into Jane’s open arms.
“Goodness, darling,” she chuckled as he nestled into her embrace. “What have we said about running?”
“Your Grace, good evening,” Miss Becker rose to her feet quickly, looking flustered.
“Good evening, Miss Becker. I hope he has not been too much of a handful,” Jane told the lady with an apologetic smile as she stood, her hand firmly holding onto one of Reuben’s.
The nanny glanced at the boy and gave a strained smile.
