Against every screaming bone in his body, he sighed and said,
“That is all, duchess.”
Jane turned around briskly, and walked away, taking his heart along.
Thomas watched her walk away, feeling pathetically lost and powerless, but ultimately aware that there was nothing he could do. He could not exert force over her, would not become the monster people feared he was – certainly not to her.
The only option she left him with was to live with her decision. That as all he has ever been able to do, live with the choices others had made, no matter what it cost him. And now, once more, he was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and he could feel that the only choice he was left with was to perish there.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
“When is the final day?”
Jane could barely summon the courage to face Penelope at that question, but she found a way to muster it, managing to lift her head.
“Tomorrow,” she exhaled, feeling a sharp stinging pain strike her heart at the admission.
Try as she might, the fact that her marriage was on the verge of ending hung above her like a plague for days. Tomorrow would be last day of being his wife. She could not ignore it or overlook it, not after she had told Thomas to focus on it. He had done his best to coax her into a conversation, but all she knew was the trap that lay ahead of her if she were to succumb to him again.
She had already given so much, all of it willingly, and that was the only thing in her life that she had left to hold on to. If she surrendered that too... she would lose her very self.
“And what will you do?” Nora inquired next, refilling her glass of lemonade.
There was only one thing to do, but no matter how much Jane tried, she could not come to terms with the decision she had resolved to carry out.
She tried and tried, but the restlessness was starting to consume her. Every time she gave herself a chance to properly think about it, she was struck by immense grief. It was so difficult to breathe, to convince herself that this was what she needed to do.
But she had no other choice.
“I will leave,” Jane cleared her throat and reached for a crumpet. “Just as we had agreed. It was only meant to be temporary, and at last, we have made it to the end.”
“I can’t help but feel... as though we have arrived at an anticlimactic ending. What about Thomas? What has he said about this?” Penelope sat up straighter, her gaze curious.
The look on Thomas’ face as she had told him that she had nothing to say to him flashed though her mind and she winced, clearing her throat in a bid to remove the image in her mind and the bitter aftertaste it had left at the back of her throat.
“There is nothing to say. We had a deal,” Jane shrugged.
“Yes, we understand that, but... do you really expect us to believe that after you spent two whole months with this man as his wife and the mother of his child, he will just allow you to walk out of their lives?” Nora huffed, folding her arms with a frown. “That is absurd.”
“Well, it was not – we were only married on paper!” Jane protested.
Her friends glanced at each other and snorted indignantly.
“Darling... we are well aware that was not the case. You do not have to pretend, as we were once in your shoes,” Nora said cryptically.
Jane frowned. “What do you mean? Despite the initial arguments you might have had with your spouses, everything was eventually resolved before you married them. How on earth have we walked in the same shoes?”
“What Nora means is that we understand that constant, close proximity with a man who piques your interest can be a... trap that is difficult to avoid. And it is quite all right if you were unable to do so. We simply want to make sure you know that we will not judge you or –”
“There is nothing between us,” Jane cut Penelope off stubbornly. “We had – it was deliberate. I was only there to help his son. He told me he did not need a wife and I was never that.”
“All right, Jane, we have heard you. But... do you not hold any belief that things might have gone differently, if only you wanted it to? Did the duke not express that he would like to continue the marriage?” Nora asked gently.
In truth, the last time she had spoken to her husband, he had tried something akin to that, but she had refused to give in to his whims. It was easy for him, to ask and demand for her life and her service to his needs. Because he was not giving anything up, he would be comfortable in his situation while she would have to surrender the very essence of who she was.
And she could not do that.
“It doesn’t matter. We had a deal. I would marry him for the sake of his son, and do what I could to help Reuben speak. It has... it was a long and hard journey, and I believe I did what I could to help. And I made some sort of difference and although it pains me to leave that sweet boy... I must. I hate that I have to, but I told myself from the start that I would honour the agreement we made, because I never wanted to marry in the first place. I endured two months of it, and I deserve to walk towards my expected end finally,” Jane replied sternly.
