She glanced in the mirror beside the door and realized she looked awful. She had on an old, ratty T-shirt and a pair of sleep shorts that she must have had for ten years. She’d pulled back her hair but rather than being in a neat braid or ponytail, tendrils were escaping everywhere. Finally she saw her eyes. Could it be more obvious she’d been crying in her beer? Or wine, as the case may be.
“Hell,” she muttered and opened the door.
Of course, he looked wonderful. He wore his customary jeans and a short-sleeve baby-blue T-shirt that brought out the color of his eyes. As if those gorgeous eyes needed any help.
“Can I come in?” he asked when she stood there staring at him.
“Oh. Okay.” She stepped out of the way to let him in.
“Were you asleep?”
“No. It’s only eight thirty. I was just, um, relaxing.” If by relaxing she meant mooning over him and drinking. “Would you like a beer or something?”
His gaze swept the room, seeming to pause at the coffee table with the half-finished bottle of wine and glass. “No, thanks.”
She walked to the couch and gestured at him to sit. “Sure you don’t want some wine?” Since it was there she poured herself another glass.
“I’m good. How much have you had to drink?”
After taking a big sip she said, “Not enough. Why?”
He scooted over next to her and removed the glass from her hand and set it on the coffee table. “I need to talk to you.”
“You said that. But so far you haven’t said much else.”
He reached for her hand, held it in both of his. “I hate that we’re not together. I miss you. I want to be with you. Am I the only one who feels that way?”
Her eyes filled with tears. What was wrong with her? She wasn’t a crier. “No, I feel that way too. But Trevor, nothing’s changed.”
“Do you want me to quit BFK? Because I don’t think that’s the problem. Or not all of it, anyway.”
“If you quit for me you’ll resent me. I can’t ask you to do that.”
“I can’t change my basic personality. It’s hardwired into me. But you’re letting fear rule your life. You’re letting the people who killed Noah win.”
He was right. Was she really willing to give up on the two of them because of something that might never happen? She’d had a taste of what her life was like without Trevor. Miserable.
“I know I’m being irrational. But the thought of losing someone else I love…I don’t know if I can do it.”
“You know the old saying.”
“What old saying?”
“I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. And so could you.”
“I know that’s true. I want to be with you, Trevor, but I’m afraid.”
He sighed and let go of her hand. “Would you have given up your time with Noah if you’d known what was coming? Would you never have gotten involved with him?”
“No. My time with him was special. But the end was so bad it left me afraid to take any risks.”
“There’s always a risk when you love someone. One of you can leave the other. Things just don’t work out. One of you gets sick. One of you dies in an accident. There are a thousand reasons why you shouldn’t risk being with someone. And one big one to risk it.”
“What’s that?”
“Because you love each other.” He reached for her hand, brought it to his lips and kissed it. “I love you, Jedidiah.”
“I love you too.” Even though she still didn’t know what to do, she knew she loved him. Wasn’t that worth taking a chance on?
