My lips pulled into a wobbly smile. “You promised me a dance, Soph.”
“No, you promised me a dance. Let me just take out my phone.”
She took a step back and pulled out her phone from the pocket on her pajama pants, the screen illuminating her face.
“Let’s see,” she muttered. “What shall we play?”
Minutes ticked by as she scrolled through her phone, all the while rain fell over us, soaking us both to the bone. I knew we should’ve gone inside at least five minutes ago, but I didn’t want to break this spell.
A thunder roared somewhere in the distance, but neither one of us moved from the spot.
“A-ha!” she exclaimed and clicked on the screen. “This one.”
I would recognize the song no matter where I went. “Everything” by Lifehouse started playing, immediately sending me back in time to the first time we heard this song. Neither one of us said the words, but we both thought the same thing—this was our song.
This was the song that would always make me think of her, and as she came closer to me, turning the volume to the highest, she placed her hands on my forearms, guiding me to her waist.
“It’s our song,” she whispered, looking up at me.
“That’s exactly what I just thought.”
“Why are we whispering?” She snickered.
“Shhh,” I murmured and pressed my lips to her forehead. “Just listen.”
I held on to her tiny waist, loathing the feeling of her protruding ribs beneath my hands, a clear indication that she wasn’t eating as she once used to. My throat started closing as the bridge of the song came closer, leading us to the chorus.
She put her head on my chest, sighing softly, and I leaned down all the way to her ear.
“You’re all I want,” I choked out. “You’re all I need,” I sang slowly. “You’re everything, Sophie. You’re everything to me.”
I gripped the back of her hoodie, unable to contain myself anymore. I couldn’t hold the pain, the anger, the devastation.
“I don’t want to lose you,” I cried, my voice breaking while she held me as close as I held her. “I don’t want to fucking lose you.”
Her body shook, her hands gripping and letting go of my hoodie. Rain started falling faster, angrier, almost punishing.
“I’m gonna miss you so much, Noah.” She cried in my arms.
Neither one of us moved. We didn’t dance. We didn’t do anything but exist for six minutes while the song went on.
“But I’m not afraid anymore.” She moved back and looked up at me. “I’m not afraid because I know that I lived my life as best as I could.”
I didn’t hide my tears anymore.
“Don’t cry for me. Don’t mourn me, because trust me… I was happy. I was so happy, Noah. And you made that happen. You, my parents, my brother, Bianca. You all made me so happy. I don’t think that a lot of people can say that, but I was loved, Noah.”
“This fucking hurts,” I sobbed. “This fucking hurts, Soph, and I can’t make it stop.”
I fell to my knees and gripped the grass.
“I know.” She came down with me as well, and climbed onto me, wrapping her legs around my waist. “I know it hurts. But I want you to remember that even if I got to do this life again, I wouldn’t change a thing. I would like to meet you again. I would again love you, even if you pissed me off. I would still go through all of this if it meant having you with me during the last period of my life.”
“God,” I groaned and buried my face into her wet hair. “It sucks when you talk about dying like it is going grocery shopping, but I get it. I get it now, even though I don’t like it.”
“Death is just a part of life, Noah. It’s a painful part, but I believe that people who are meant to be together are somehow going to find their way to each other. Maybe in this life we couldn’t do all these things we wanted to do, but we will always have the next one. And we will always have these memories.”
I knew we would. But reasoning rarely worked when the heart was breaking. Reasoning had no place in my head when it couldn’t help me to keep her.
