But her smile… Her smile was as bright as the sun, and I just stood there, watching her, storing this memory of her in my mind, because I knew that soon enough, I wouldn’t have her anymore.
Her voice, her face, her smiles, and her grumpy little expressions that always made me laugh… I would lose them all.
Life wasn’t fair, I always knew that, but I just never thought it would be this unfair. Flashbacks rushed through my mind, like a kaleidoscope of memories playing on repeat.
The first time I saw her.
The first time we played as kids.
The first time I held her hand.
The first time we watched a movie together.
The first time she held me while I cried.
The first time we sat at the pond next to that weeping willow.
Our first kiss and our first touch.
The first time we slept together.
Her first golden medal, and her cheering for me from the stands the next day.
My throat started closing, my eyes tearing up. I was supposed to be the strong one. I was supposed to be her anchor, but as I stood here, I knew that it was always the opposite.
She was always the stronger one. She was my anchor, and I feared that the world without her in it wouldn’t be the same.
Even now, as she stood there, months, maybe weeks from dying, she was still my anchor. She still held us all together, never allowing us to crumble down. She still smiled, still laughed at my corny jokes. She still had breakfast with her family, and she still spoke of the future she would never have.
I wasn’t sure if she was trying to console us or herself, but every time she started making plans for fall, or my games, or the vacations and Halloween, everybody at the table would quiet down.
Everyone but her.
Maybe it was her way of trying to tell us that life still went on even if she wasn’t in it. But I knew that my life would never be the same. Not if she wasn’t in it.
“Why are you just standing there?” she called out, blinking against the rain. “Come here, silly.”
I stuffed my hands into the front pocket of my hoodie and gingerly walked toward her. She was bouncing in the spot, dancing to the imaginary music only she could hear, and she managed to pull a smile from me.
“You seem awfully grumpy, Mr. Kincaid.”
“Oh yeah?” I grabbed her around her waist and pulled her closer to me. “And you seem awfully cheerful, Miss Anderson.”
“Because I’m happy.” She grinned. “I have you, I have my parents and my brother. School is finally over, and you got drafted.”
“I did, didn’t I?”
“Hell yeah, you did! See, I told you, you could do it. I don’t ever wanna hear any of those ‘but what if I don’t have what it takes’ talks. You were a beast on that ice, Noah. A freaking beast.”
“I know. I could hear you screaming from the stands.”
“Because I was so proud of you!” She placed her palms on my cheeks, rubbing the raindrops gathered there. “I will always be proud of you, Noah. I hope you know that.”
“I do.” I cleared my throat. “And I will always be proud of you. Today, tomorrow, a thousand years from now, you will always be here, baby.” I placed her hand against my heart. “Always.”
She nodded. “I know. I want you to know that no matter where I go or when I go, you will always have my heart, Noah.”
My tears spilled over my cheeks, mixing with the rain, and I was thankful that she couldn’t see them fully, halfway disguised by the rain and by the shadows falling on our faces.
