“Aw, Charlie, youlike him, like him? Then, that’s great. Where is he now?”
“Hiding from me, probably,” I admit. “I think I liked the kiss more than he did.”
“Uh-oh. Did you go in with too much tongue?”
Well, shit. I didn’t think of that. “How much is too much tongue?”
“If you can feel his tonsils, you’re in too deep.” She cackles at her joke.
“So helpful, sister. I’m so glad I shared this with you,” I say, my response drenched in sarcasm.
“Okay, okay, I’m being serious now. I’m sorry. How can I help?”
I stare at my kneecap, tracing the small, California-shaped birthmark with my gaze. “I don’t even know what I’m feeling. My life is so intense. Like constant sensory overload but whenever I’m around him it seems so simple. And I really like that. He makes me feel like a normal person. But I can’t figure out his deal—if he’s this sexual sensei who wants to rearrange my insides, or if he just wants to be my new best friend.”
“Ah.” She draws the syllable out knowingly. “What are the chances he wants both?”
“Men never want both.”
“Men? Or you?”
Before I can answer, my bedroom door creaks open.
I freeze, staring at Claire’s profile picture, heart catapulting into my throat. A shadow moves in the doorway, low to the ground, and for one wild, hopeful second I think?—
Black Cat rockets across the hardwood floor like a furry cannonball with an attitude problem.
He makes a beeline for my bed, launches himself onto the mattress with an athletic grace that seems unnatural for a creature of his considerable roundness, and immediately begins kneading my stomach like he’s preparing bread dough. His purr rumbles through my entire body.
I hold my breath. My eyes fix on the doorway. Waiting. Hoping.
But the doorway stays empty.
The hallway beyond is dark and silent. No footsteps. No voice. No Taio.
Just me and his cat and the echo of a kiss I can still feel on my lips.
Black Cat, utterly oblivious to my romantic disappointment, flops onto his back with the theatrical flair of a fainting Victorian maiden. His paws paddle the air expectantly, demanding tribute.
“Charlie? You still there?”
“Yeah.” I swallow past something that feels embarrassingly close to tears and begin scratching Black Cat’s exposed belly. He melts into a puddle of feline contentment. “Sorry. Got distracted. His cat just came in.”
“His cat is there? Where is he?”
“Not here.” I try to keep the disappointment out of my voice.
“Hmm.” Claire files this information away. “Okay, Charlie, I’m just going to say something that may or may not make sense, but here’s what I think. You’ve let everyone else’s opinion of you mold, shape, and warp your identity for so long. That’s not an accusation. I can’t begin to fathom the pressure you’re under,constantly. But you don’t know who you are anymore. You don’t know what you like. Your entire sense of self-worth is wrapped up in the comments on social media. I know the label, and Marcus and Sage, put all this pressure on the legacy you’ll leave behind when you’re gone, but what about the life you should be living while you’re here? It’s okay to want the simple things. Having a crush on a guy is a very normal thing.”
“Those are my choices? Leave an everlasting legacy behind or actually enjoy the life I have now? You sound like the world’s worst fortune cookie.”
“I know.” She’s definitely grinning. I can hear it in every syllable. “But it’s true. You can’t rationalize your way to the answer, Charlie. You have to feel your way there. I know you’ve had tunnel vision since you were sixteen, but maybe it’s time you live a little, too.”
Black Cat repositions himself against my hip, his engine rumbling back to full speed. I stroke his fur absently, considering.Is Taio worth the risk? And what exactly am I risking?My reputation? Obviously. My sanity? Yeah, that’s becoming more apparent. My heart? No, oddly enough that doesn’t feel at risk. It feels safe.
Claire yawns, the sound stretching long and unashamed.
“You okay?”
