Claire’s voice takes on a knowing quality. “And, by the way, what are you talking about? You had plenty of boys interested in you. You just never really wanted any of them back. It was just the chase for you.”
The words land in a tender place, stirring up memories I’d half forgotten. Notes in my locker with phone numbers scrawled in nervous handwriting. Promposals I declined as gently as I could. The confused, wounded faces of perfectly nice boys who couldn’t understand why I wasn’t interested.
I never knew how to explain it to them. Something in me was always waiting. For a feeling I couldn’t name. A recognition I’d never experienced. A special spark my mom practically prophesied. I wanted my first love to be fireworks, blimps in the sky, a perfect story to rewrite my life. I wasn’t going to settle for giving it up in the back of an old Chevy after homecoming.
“It wasn’t the chase. I just wanted big love.Forever love.Beauty and the Beast, the old couple fromUp, Harley Quinn and Joker. You know the kind of love that becomes your whole world.”
“I don’t think you want what Harley Quinn and Joker have,” Claire says. “Pretty toxic.”
“The way he broke down prisons to save her?—”
“After he basically put her there.”
“Okay, and when he rescues her from that vat of acid?”
“After he pushed her in? Geez, Charlie, you’re scaring me. Just say like Superman and Lois Lane.”
I laugh. “Fine. All I mean is I wanted a guy who’d move mountains for me. I wanted a guy that I’d move mountains for, too. Just that monumental, kismet feeling. You know?”
“Yeah, I get that, sweetie. But that’s not how real love works.”
I beg to differ.“I kissed him tonight.”
“What? Who? Grayson?”
“What? No. Grayson serves the purpose of a used lollipop stick.”
“What do you do with used lollipop sticks?”
“Exactly,” I emphasize. “At the end of this tour, Grayson is no longer my problem. I’m talking aboutTaio…who I very much want to remain my problem.”
“Taio…” Claire muses. “Is your…?”
“Bodyguard. Well, fake bodyguard. Real escort.”
“Oh. My. Fuck. That’s what the paparazzi actually got a picture of? You banging your bodyguard on the patio of Dad’s hotel?”
“No! Claire!They got a picture of me…tryingto bang my bodyguard on the patio. But he wasn’t my bodyguard at the time. Just?—”
“Your escort?”
“Notmyescort. Justanescort. There was a mix-up. It was actually adorable. He was so embarrassed when I found the vibrator he brought.”
Claire’s silent for a moment. “Charlie, are you doing drugs? Like the hard stuff?”
“Claire,” I growl into the phone.
“Well, I’m sorry. You’re my little sister?—”
“Barely.”
“—and you’re sitting here telling me you gave your virginity to an escort? After all these years of waiting for your big fireworks moment? Spence told me you were coming a little unraveled, but I’m getting ready to stage a family intervention.”
“Claire Bear,” I whine.
“I hate when you call me that.”
“I know but it shuts you up.” I put the phone on speaker and toss it on the mattress. Rubbing the side of my temple, I explain the only way I know how. “I didn’t sleep with him, but I really, really like him. A lot. And our kiss was…everything. I’ve never had a kiss like that before.”
