“I just—” I stop, feeling panicky.
“Just what?”
“I feel like you want it so bad, you’ll give yourself away.”
He tips his head back on his shoulders, face to the canopy above, and lets out a long sigh. When he drops his gaze to mine again, his eyes are red-rimmed. “I might,” he acknowledges quietly. “But the longer you keep us apart, the harder it’s going to be for me to keep my cool, Sunshine.”
His use of the endearment settles something in me. We’ll get through this, just as we’ve gotten through everything else. I know we will.
Riley reaches out a hand in offering, and I take it, entwining my fingers with his.
“I want so badly to know him,” he says. “I want to shout it from the rooftops that he’s mine. That all three of you are mine. I want us to be a family.” He squeezes my hand. My heart hurts because I want that too. Ido. I’m just so afraid of how we get there.
“My entire family is out on that beach together without me,” he says wistfully. “And most of them don’t even know it.”
Wait—
Most?
My eyes widen in alarm at his words, as the memory of Aidan’s face flashes in my mind. The strange looks he’s been giving me all day, the tender way he stared at my son.
“What do you mean ‘mostof them don’t know it?’”
He squeezes my hand once more. “I’m sorry, but I needed someone to talk to. And you know I’ve been trying to reconnect with my brother.”
“Aidan knows,” I breathe, pulling my hand from his and retreating a few steps. “Fuck,” I whisper, turning away from him. “Fuck.”
“It’s okay, he won’t say anything.”
“He’ll tell Piper.”
“He said he wouldn’t because it’s not his secret to share … butyoushould,” he adds, as I begin to pace in the small clearing. “We’re a pair, the two of us, so used to keeping things bottled up inside. Neither has had people to lean on for a long time, but that’s different now, Sunshine. That’s changed. We have each other, but we also have a support system around us. We have family. You have your girlfriends. Open up to them. When you can’t talk to me, talk to them. I felt so much better after I unloaded to Aidan. I think it could help you, too.”
“Maybe,” I say, stopping my manic pacing. “Maybe.”
He sighs and reaches for me, but I move further away.
“I should have let you know that I told him.”
“Yes,” I agree.
He’s silent for a moment. “I should probably tell you Bobby knows too.”
“Geez!” I throw my hands up in exasperation and worry.
He cringes. “It was right after I figured everything out on Thanksgiving. I was a mess. I was hungover, he found me, and …” he trails off, shrugging. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m so sick of sorry!” I snap. “Sayingandhearing it.”
“I know. Believe me, I am too.”
“I need to get back now. The boys—”
He blows out a frustrated breath. “I know,” he says again, resigned.
“Talk later?”
He gives me a long look, then turns away, staring off in the direction of the beach. A muscle in his jaw ticks. Finally, he nods his agreement.
