“No,” I whisper.
“Steph?”
I nod solemnly. And then I drop another bomb into the quiet night. “And my son.”
34
Steph
Riley
Hope you’re getting a nice tan.
Thesarcasmcomesthroughloud and clear. I sigh and drop my phone into my lap as guilt floods me.
Piper glances over from where she’s seated on her beach towel to my left, raising an eyebrow in question, but I shake my head, indicating that it’s nothing. I still haven’t spoken to my friends about Riley or anything that’s gone on between us, and I feel guilty about that, too. She eyes me for a moment, then shrugs and turns herattention back to the pick-up game of football that’s sprung up before us on the beach. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to dispel the dark cloud Riley’s text has dropped over my head. It’s a perfect summer afternoon, and I should be enjoying it. All of the people I love and care about are here.
Well … all but one.
And Idolove him, though I still haven’t said it yet.
I sigh once more. I’d debated with myself all day yesterday about inviting Riley to join us. Lucy’s the one who organized this friends and family beach day, though it’s not as though he wouldn’t have been welcome. It’s shitty that after all this time, and all the progress he’s made—especially his more recent inroads with Aidan—that he should still be left out and alone. Even shittier because I’m the one keeping him there. His brother and sister-in-law are here. Hismotheris here. The frustrating part is Iwantedto see him today.
I always want to see him.
And I’d be lying if I said the thought of having that tattooed eye candy prancing around the beach shirtless all day wasn’t eminently tempting, either, but as is par for the course with us lately, my fear caused me to hesitate. Matty and Alex are also here, and I’m still avoiding having Riley around them.
My phone chirps again, and I glance down to read the new message.
Riley
Wow, ok. Not even going to answer me?
Steph
Sorry, I thought you were working today
It’s a lie, and he knows it. He told me just the other day he had the weekend off and was hoping to shoot some hoops for the first time in a while. Pretty sure he would have happily settled for football on the beach, though, if it meant being included.
Shouting erupts, and Lucy jumps to her feet on Piper’s other side, arms in the air and cheering. Noah’s team must have gotten a touchdown. I realize I’ve been staring down at my phone, waiting for Riley to call me out on the lie. Alex jogs over to high-five Noah, and I scold myself for not paying attention. He’s not as athletic as Matt, but my moody boy appears to be enjoying himself with the guys today, and I should be cheering him on for even participating.
I silence and lock my phone and toss it into the beach bag beside me, determined to enjoy this day. I focus on the warm sand beneath me, on my breathing—taking a few more deep, intentional breaths as I scan the scene before me. The bright, cloudless azure of the sky, the more cerulean shades of the lake, darker in its depths, and lightening where the low waves lap at the shore. We’re at a small and secluded, lesser-known locals’ beach situated on the West side of Hedd Lake near where Piper and Aidan live. Their neighbour, Henry’s, place is just up the roadand accessible by a private trail through the woods. This is the place where Lucy and Noah first got together, and it has special meaning for them. Bringing their daughter here today for the first time is a milestone moment.
I watch as the football game spills over into the water, spray getting kicked up everywhere as the men’s feet thunder along the shoreline. Joe and Owen go down, the latter getting almost completely submerged before someone calls time, and Mark trots over to help them both up. Lucy and Piper start hooting, and I join in, chuckling as Owen flings some more water in Joe’s direction. Joe throws his head back and laughs, then reciprocates, getting Mark wet in the process. The boys and men converge on the trio as a full-on water fight breaks out, the football forgotten and dancing on the edge of the surf. Luke shoves Noah under, and Alex jumps on his brother’s back.
The girls and I cackle as we watch. Lucy is once more on her feet and looking about ready to run down and join in on the fun. She glances over to where Nora, Jack, and Henry sit in folding beach chairs. They’re tucked off to the side, closer to the woods that shelter this hidden little gem, in an effort to steal some shade from the trees before the sun moves. Reassuring herself that baby Cece is content and still sleeping in Nora’s arms, she tosses a grin at us over her shoulder and then takes off down the beach. I snort as she launches herself into Noah’s arms. He barely manages to catch her before falling backward into the lake, the pair of themgoing under before popping up once more, Noah spluttering and Lucy grinning before stealing a kiss.
Piper and I are now on our feet too, and doubled over in laughter. She clings to my shoulder, eyes dancing with mirth as she desperately tries to catch her breath between giggles.
Aidan manages to extract himself from the melee, jogging over to retrieve the football before it gets washed away by the surf. When he straightens, he looks over at us, his eyes connecting with Piper’s and softening, before then sliding to mine. His eyebrows pull together, and he stares as though trying to puzzle something out, before abruptly turning back to the men who’ve now recovered from their pileup in the water. They line up facing one another on the sand once more, and the game resumes.
Lucy trots back to her towel and plops down, lying out on her back to dry off. She closes her eyes and says, “That was fun!”
Piper huffs out an amused breath and joins her on her back, sighing contentedly in the warm sun. The girls doze for a while, and I try to do the same, but I’m restless, unable to shake that look from Aidan.
Eventually, the game winds down, and the group breaks up, some of the guys moving back to the lake to cool off. Noah makes a beeline for Cece, and Alex heads in the direction of his towel, pausing briefly to pick up some litter he spots in the sand and detouring to throw in the nearby trash bin, before plopping down and slipping in his earbuds. A wave of pride washes over me. I’veworked to instill a love for the earth in both my boys since they were little.
My gaze returns to Matty, and I watch as he lingers with Aidan, still gripping the football, holding it out, and studying it. Aidan says something to him, no doubt giving him pointers as he adjusts the positioning of his fingers over the laces. They turn to move up the beach together, Aidan ruffling Matty’s hair affectionately before dropping an arm around his shoulders. When they reach Matt’s towel next to Alex, Matt pulls away, bending over quickly to grab his water bottle and then squirting the spray into his mouth. He then directs the spray over his face and head, shaking his hair out in the process. Aidan laughs and jumps out of spraying distance. He smiles at my son with his usual fondness, but today I think I catch a glimpse of something else in his eyes, too, further setting me on edge.
