Jo took my hand, swinging it in hers. “Did I tell you that, since I got together with Madison, I’ve been learning new things that I’m into?”
I swung my hand with hers. “No, you didn’t.”
She looked around, then whisper-mouthedanalto me.
I laughed. “Oh really?”
“I had no idea I liked that,” Jo laughed. “But Madison and I have really good communication, and we started experimenting in bed, and it kind of happened. I felt weird and vulnerable to have her go to that part of my body at first, but with all that trust we had built up, I was able to push through it.” She smiled widely. “I realized that I actually loved it.”
“So you’re saying we should focus on having anal?” I whispered, joking.
“No, Izzy.” Jo laughed as she shoved my hand away. “I’m saying that the best way to make sure your sex life is happy and stable is to build trust. Like, actively build it by sharing with each other, and processing, and showing up in all the ways that matter outside of the bed.”
“Oh, is that all?”
Jo smiled warmly. “Learn to communicate and listen and all that good stuff first, and the rest of it will be easy.”
In almost any other case with Kai, that would solve the problem. He was straightforward and direct, practically always. Unfortunately, the one exception to that seemed to be me, and the costumes, and our weird history together.
“Right,” I agreed, my eyes back over the big round towers of the observatory. “Easy.”
* * *
Kaiand I sat on opposite ends of his couch, facing each other. We were sharing a bowl of vanilla ice cream, passing it back and forth while he told me about his day at the office.
His fingers glanced mine as he handed me the cool bowl, and a spark of desire went from my fingertips up my arm.
Acknowledging my feelings to Jo was an important first step in seeing the truth. I was falling in love with Kai. He was exactly the kind of person I could imagine myself making a life with, steady and sweet and honest, and butterflies tickled my gut when I imagined making a home with him.
For the first time in my life, I even considered what it would be like to raise kids with someone, a thought I had banished years ago.
It was so intense, to want someone so desperately when he was sitting right in front of me.
But one thing seemed sure: painful, needy longing like this was a clear sign of love.
Kai tossed the bowl to the coffee table, then pulled my legs onto his lap. His hands started at my ankles and rubbed down to my feet, massaging me gently.
Jo was right. I needed to build this relationship intentionally. I needed to learn how people in serious relationships communicated with each other, and now seemed as good a time as any to start.
“Hey, Kai,” I said, stretching my feet as he rubbed my toes through my socks.
Damn, how did his touch feel so, so good?
“What’s up?”
“Um, I wanted to tell you something.” I took a drink from my water, washing the sugary taste from my mouth. “I don’t know if this matters to you, but I thought I should tell you, just in case. When we were growing up, I thought I was in love with River. For, like, four years.”
Kai blinked at me, then chuckled and went back to the foot massage. “Izzy, no offense, but everyone knew you had a crush on River.”
“What! They did not. Who’s everyone?”
Kai laughed and pulled me forward, taking my legs in his lap and continuing up my calves. “Sorry to break it to you. You didn’t do a very good job keeping that one a secret.”
My cheeks flushed as I thought back to those years. I always felt like I was following River around with hearts in my eyes, but I didn’t know everyone else could see it, too.
“Does that mean it’s not a problem for you?”
Kai shook his head. “It’s fine. That was a long time ago. And trust me, pretty much everyone fell in love with River. I got used to it.”
