“That must be a strange feeling, being his twin and all.”
“It is what it is. There were times when I moped about it, especially in high school. I thought I had some kind of defect, like I was the dull, organized one, and I had turned invisible.” He shrugged lightly. “I don’t know. River and I are different people, and the fact that I never wanted the kind of attention he got made it easier to adjust.”
I nodded, glad that we were talking about this. “It was my loss, anyway. The quiet guy avoiding the spotlight is a much better fit for me. If only I had known back then.”
“I’m glad we found each other again.” Kai took my hand and kissed it. “This reminds me. I’ve been meaning to ask—are you still in touch with your dad?”
I frowned. My instinct was to wave off this conversation like I did with most people, but Jo’s advice was ringing in my ears, and I wanted to do things differently with Kai.
“Not really. We have a five-minute phone call once every year or so, but that’s it. We were hanging on by a string when I was a kid, but once I came out, that string pretty much snapped.”
“I’m sorry. That really sucks.”
“It’s like you said with River. It’s just the way things are, so I learned to adjust. I don’t lose any sleep over it.”
“Nope,” Kai said, shaking his head. “Me adjusting to River being River is not the same thing. River isn’t hurting me or neglecting me. It’s your dad’s job to be there for you, and it sucks that he isn’t.”
My emotions stirred. Things I’d long accepted as depressing facts were unsettled. All of the sadness was right there, and instead of shoving it back down, I decided that this was what Jo really meant.
I needed to share my life with Kai if I wanted him to share his life with me.
“Yeah,” I said, blinking back a few tears. “It does suck. I didn’t even care that much when he refused to help me with college or any of my expenses after I turned eighteen. I just hated the fact that he never called.”
“You’re great. He’s really fucking up, losing a relationship with you.”
I smiled softly. “I know that he’s the one at fault. I figured it out in college. When we were in junior high, though, I felt guilty about it, like there was something wrong with me that my dad didn’t love me like your moms loved you. I hid the fact that he and I don’t get along from you and River, like I do from most people.”
“I remember. He seemed like an ass, and River and I were worried for you, but you always brushed it off if we brought it up.”
“Your whole family was so happy and functional and good. You’re, like, the dream family I never knew really existed. Having a mean dad and a dead mom I didn’t remember felt embarrassing.”
Kai stroked my hand, and the comfort of his touch helped to ease some of the sadness. “You’re good, too,” he told me, “and I hope I can help make you happy.”
I leaned forward, brushing a kiss across his lips. “You do, trust me.”
We stayed there, our faces a few inches away, staring in each other’s eyes. The warm pressure of his hands and his familiar, fresh scent comforted me, the sensation so much more powerful than any of the bad feelings that were swirling through my body.
We weren’t anywhere near where I thought that conversation might go. But even thought I hadn’t realized it, I needed to share some of the sadness I carried with Kai. I needed the relief of his comfort and of having him know me.
“I want to keep seeing you,” Kai said firmly. “I want to keep spending time with you, Izzy.”
I smiled broadly, his earnest gaze cheering me. “Yeah, me too.”
The steady look took shape on Kai’s face, the one that told me I needed to listen carefully to every word that he said next.
“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”
I jumped forward, and he took me in a kiss. His hand tangled in my hair, tugging softly as our tongues swiped together. “Yes. Absolutely, I do.”
“Cool,” Kai answered, pulling me to the couch. “Boyfriends.”
“Boyfriends.”
Chapter Twenty
Kai
I rolledoff Izzy and wiped my lips, my head hazy with early morning sex. I had slept over the night before, and we’d woken up and quickly rolled into a luxuriously long jerkoff session.
