Kai stared at me with a half-smile on his face. “Really?” he finally asked.
I turned my palms up. “I know it sounds ridiculous now. But I convinced myself I wasn’t really breaking your rule since I wasn’t falling into a new relationship.”
“That sounds like horny-people logic.”
I laughed. “I guess it was. You should know, Leo never promised me a relationship or tried to swoop me away or anything like that. He helped me keep focused on what I needed, and outside of the fact that he and I made a very big mistake, you can still trust him and know that he’s a good guy.”
Kai cocked his head to the side.
“What?” I asked. His expression told me that his big brain was working overtime, and he was reading me like an open book.
“You didn’t want a relationship with Leo, but you do now,” he said.
I closed my mouth. I was done keeping secrets from Kai, but it still felt hard to say the truth. “I don’t want to run away with him or cancel my school plans or anything. Don’t worry.”
“But you want a relationship. You want a stable, adult relationship.”
My mouth remained clamped shut.
“Oh my god,” Kai gasped. “You’re falling in love with him now, aren’t you?”
“What?” I started to shake my head, but I couldn’t actually lie again, especially not in that moment. Instead, my words all just died in my mouth as I continued to stare back at my brother.
“I don’t know,” I finally answered. “Everything is upside down, and I don’t want to make you even madder than you already are.” Tears started to leak down my cheeks. Countless other conversations came flooding back, times when I had apologized to Kai as a kid or let him down as a teenager.
“You’re always there for me,” I said, choking on my tears. “And then I always do something like this.”
Kai stood and crossed to my couch, then took me in his arms. He wasn’t the crying type like I was, but the hitch in his breath told me that he was feeling the sadness, too.
“Oh, River,” he said and stroked the back of my head.
I shook my head and wiped my eyes. “Sorry,” I repeated.
“Don’t apologize.” He leaned back against the couch and gave me a slight smile. “I mean, do apologize for about a million things. But don’t apologize for needing me, okay? I need you, too.”
I nodded quickly. “Thanks, Kai.”
I looked at my brother. He was right. There was a lot more to talk about, but I was relieved that the conversation had started.
“I should get some sleep tonight,” he said. “We’ll talk more later?”
I nodded, then pulled him in for another quick hug. “Sleep well, Kai.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Leo
The factthat Kai had asked me to meet him at a bar instead of at the condo or the firm seemed like potentially a bad omen. You asked someone to meet in public when you were planning to serve them divorce papers or reveal that you’ve been gambling away all the other person’s money.
Not when you were making up. Making up would happen back at home.
I found Kai in the back, sitting in a booth, and I steeled myself for whatever he had to say. I needed to get through this if I had any chance of earning my best friend back, and I needed to win Kai’s trust again if I were ever going to have a shot with River.
River still texted me, and we still shared little smiles at the office. He hadn’t disappeared entirely, thank god. I didn’t know if I could have handled that. But I couldn’t touch him, and watching him from far away was torturous.
I loved him, and nothing else was going to change that fact.
I took a seat across from Kai. A glass of beer was waiting there for me, which seemed like a good sign.
